I wrote this article for wives who wonder why their husbands look at other women. For example, a husband may be in a restaurant and a woman catches the husband’s attention. His wife may notice that he often looks at other women. What it means?
In this article, I will address a specific context of why men look. The context here includes more than what I described above, but also him looking for images online, in magazines, while out and about, at church, and more. Why does he seem to be chasing other women when he is supposed to be happily married?
Articles on the internet are interesting, especially those written by women. Unsurprisingly, many of these articles take the position that the man is doing something wrong and needs correction from his wife. I would venture to say that this is usually not the case. Married men look at other women for specific reasons. I’ll present some of the more common reasons it happens and then move on to a more pressing concern in a marriage that I didn’t find much attention in the articles I read.
I should mention that this article is from a male perspective. Although it is written from the perspective of a husband’s relationship with his wife, the topic covered could be reversed when the wife looks at other men.
The following are common reasons why men look at other women. An example of its appearance is as described earlier. His eyes follow a woman he sees even when he is with his wife.
- It’s natural. Some have pointed out that men can’t help it, which I don’t completely agree with. However, it is natural for anyone to look at something they find attractive, strange, different, etc. Men look at other women because they are simply attracted to us. It is natural for a man to glance at a woman passing by, even if she is with his wife. However, self-control dictates that he should not stare and follow her unless something else is going on. We’ll talk about it later.
- He admires something that is physically attractive to him or different. If a man has a penchant for female bottoms and a woman shows up with a big one, he’s likely to notice her and be instantly attracted to her. He could also find her generally beautiful (her hair, dress, walk, smile, etc.) and look to admire her as one would admire a sunset or a beautiful landscape. He just admires something that looks good to him.
His look doesn’t mean he doesn’t like his wife or thinks she’s unattractive (unless she’s unattractive to him. More on that later). Let me give you an example. Let’s say a guy drives a Ford F-150 and loves it. However, while driving one day, he notices a Ram 1500 truck and admires it. Does that mean he doesn’t like his truck? Does that mean he wants the Ram? No. It just means he admires the Ram truck.
- She becomes seductive. She may have a seductive dress, pants or blouse that catches his attention. I should point out that he can also look disgusted depending on how he feels women should dress.
- His wife looks at her. He notices his wife looking at something behind or next to him. He looks and discovers a woman walking by. “Why is my wife looking at her?” he wonders. She may wear provocative clothing or something different, e.g. very tall, large chest, etc.)
All of the above reasons why a husband looks at another woman do not necessarily indicate negative feelings towards his wife if all he is doing is looking and nothing else is going on in his mind. This last point is important. We all look at things we find attractive. For men, one of those things is women.
I must point out that it does not mean that husbands should stare and follow women either with or without their wife. Self-control should be exercised. Otherwise, we would have whiplash as we try to see women from our point of view. It is also a matter of respect for his wife that he does not pay too much attention to another woman, especially if he does not pay the same or more attention to his wife.
My point here is that husbands looking at other women may mean nothing. He just stares or stares. Staring at women or gazing excessively at other women may indicate a problem with his marriage and perception of his wife. Let’s discuss it now.
A husband may be looking at other women because he is unhappy with his marriage. Another context where husbands look at other women involves stalking. She looks for opportunities to observe other women. These opportunities include being in public (with or without his wife), online, porn, and print.
A husband in an unhappy marriage may look to another woman for a variety of reasons.
- He is sexually unfulfilled and dissatisfied with his wife.
- He is tired of his wife.
- He imagines a woman who loves him, admires him and respects him.
- He does not feel loved, desired or respected by his wife and seeks another woman to meet his needs.
- He wants sexual stimulation, which he doesn’t get from his wife.
These reasons may indicate a problem with the marriage, particularly his view of his wife. Let me discuss these points in detail.
Sexually Unfulfilled
Men want to have sex with their wives. This is how we emotionally connect with them. Without sex, gaining and maintaining an emotional connection becomes problematic, especially without intimate conversations.
Therefore, he looks at other women, imagining what it might be like to be sexually desired by a woman (as he wants to be desired by his wife). He imagines what it would be like to seduce him and what it would feel like to have sex with her. His moral compass forbids him from pursuing the woman. However, he still fantasizes about what it would be like to be sexually fulfilled by the other woman, even if he is imagining her.
I’m Bored in the Relationship
It is easy for marriages to fall into boredom due to the daily responsibilities and pressures. Life becomes a predictable routine with little to no excitement or innovation. He is bored with his marriage and his wife (as she might be with him).
Looking at other women is a crude substitute for some excitement to stave off boredom. Again, he may fantasize about having sex with another woman, even if she is imaginary.
He does not feel loved, desired or respected by his wife
A man in a bad marriage has to deal with the daily stresses (his job, maintaining the house, etc.) and the stress of a bad relationship with his wife. He fears returning home to the unfulfillment and source of much of his anxiety, his marriage.
He may fantasize (even dream) that he is in a relationship with a woman who loves him, respects him, and desires him. He imagines coming home to a beautiful, well-kept house (his castle) and a wife who wants to pounce on him when he gets home. He copes with a bad marriage by creating a fantasy world in his mind, which causes him to look at other women he finds attractive.
Some things that may trigger his unhappiness in the marriage are as follows (in the context of this article).
- Lack of sex with his wife
- Lack of respect from his wife
- His wife prioritizes children and other things above him.
- Lack of sensuality in marriage
- Some intimate time together
- She is no longer the woman he once admired.
- She hasn’t kept herself looking good to him.
- She doesn’t chase him like she used to.
- His perception of his wife’s attitude towards him is negative.
The fact that a husband looks at other women does not mean that he is not attracted to his wife. He may well be very attracted to him. He wants his wife to stimulate him. This stimulation tends to make him feel alive. However, she usually does not involve him sexually or sensually, and he begins to adjust. For example, he may be looking at her lying in bed in only her underwear, but in his mind, he knows that his advances will be rejected. He begins to train his mind that his wife is off limits and someone he cannot have.
After years of rejection, he begins to avoid being aroused by his wife in the same way that his wife believes he should avoid being aroused by other women. He may give up on the prospect of being intimate with his wife and start chasing other women.
He’s really chasing another woman
There may come a time in a bad marriage when the husband has had enough of rejection, disrespect and more from his wife. He’s tired of being miserable in an unfulfilling marriage. For example, he gets tired of living with a woman who cares more about her children and work than he does. He begins to look elsewhere for the fulfillment he craves.
His pursuit may include a closer relationship with someone where he works. It may include fantasizing about porn or anything to escape the negative feelings of a bad marriage. This can also include drugs and alcohol.
Of course, pursuing another woman can lead to infidelity, which can lead to adultery. I do not condone cheating in marriage, but the reasons for it may be obvious. The wife neglects her husband’s needs in the relationship, and he drifts elsewhere to meet those needs (or vice versa). Infidelity could be avoided if both husband and wife prioritize meeting each other’s needs.
It is not sexual arousal from his wife
He wants to be sexually aroused by his wife and wants to do it, but he doesn’t understand it. Sexual stimulation from his wife can make him feel alive, that is, like a man. He wants to connect with his wife. However, if he is constantly rejected and his sexual needs are not satisfied, he may look to someone else for that stimulation.
This arousal may come from a female colleague or someone he knows and is in close contact with. Being sexually aroused by the other woman helps him deal with a sexless marriage.
In this context, the solution is simple. Support the marriage. Wives, pursue your husbands. Make him feel sexually desired and fulfill him as best you can. Don’t neglect the importance of him emotionally connecting with you through sex. Work in the marriage to keep things interesting, exciting and fulfilling.
He will look at other women. However, mitigate the need for him to look at why his wife does not fulfill him at home.
Also, get in touch. If his looking at other women really bothers you, tell him. Some articles I have read suggested that the wife confronts her husband about looking at other women. I don’t recommend it if he doesn’t look at women for a long time. His desire not to hurt your feelings may not lead to a truthful answer.
Therefore, spouses should reflect on the state of their marriage and their role in bringing it to this point, in whatever state it may be. Are you becoming attractive to your husband or are you always wearing rags at home and flannel pajamas at night? Are you chasing your man and getting intimate with him? Where is it on your priority scale?
A good and fulfilling marriage requires both husband and wife to work at it. Don’t neglect each other and work intentionally to make the relationship great. Doing so could eliminate the need to look at and fantasize about other women. He will still look, but not for stimulation or to get something he is not getting from his wife.
