Does this sound familiar? You are in a relationship with someone you feel connected to. They seem to be the perfect partner for you and you love spending time with them.
However, in the back of your mind, you know you should be walking on eggshells when you’re around them.
If you say a word or sentence they don’t like, you’ll see why it’s your fault and feel the need to apologize over and over again to “fix” the problem.
Needless to say, you probably feel like it’s your responsibility to make sure it’s okay. You want to do everything you can to keep them interested in you and the relationship.
And even though a fight might lead you two to part ways bitterly, you still want to see them. Wait patiently for them to text or call you while your levels stress and the guilt grows. “It was my mistake?” you start to wonder.
Then when they I am doing contact you, a wave of relief washes over you. All these negative emotions are removed and make up sex it’s on the cards. Ask!
But why do people fall into this kind of relationship? It clearly isn’t healthy. In fact, it is toxic. It takes you on a roller coaster of emotions including highs and lows. Extreme excitement, lust, hope and euphoria, as well as anger, anxiety, despair and guilt.
Let’s look into it further, shall we?
There are some valid reasons why people stay in toxic relationships. But whatever the reason, it is important for these individuals to know that there is nothing “wrong” with them. They are not the problem.
Staying in a toxic The relationship may be because they are stuck in a cycle, which is very difficult to break.
So, if you’re prone to getting into and staying in a toxic relationship, here are some reasons why it might be:
You want to “fix” people
Maybe you’re the type of person who sees someone mysterious and guarded and finds them instantly attractive. You may feel like you can fix/save them by giving them everything your heart has to offer and loving them fiercely. Maybe you think you could be the person who changes his life.
It feels familiar
The whole idea of walking on eggshells could be a recurring pattern in your life. Maybe you felt this way growing up with your parents, siblings, family or friends. That way, you could believe it theirs The anger and upset is because of you and you need to do whatever it takes to make them happy again. You may have apologized for things that weren’t your fault and thought you were responsible for making people feel better.
It is the result of a traumatic bond
According Cleveland Clinic:
“Trauma bonding is when a person who has or has been abused feels a connection to their abuser. And that connection is based on the abuse the person has or endures — whether emotional or physical.”
This cycle usually follows the pattern:
- Tension building: A silent tension is created between the abused and the abuser. The abuser may begin to project his intensity onto the abused.
- Incident of violence or harm: Initiates physical or emotional abuse, such as yelling, threatening, throwing things, etc. During this period, partners may threaten leave each other.
- Reconciliation: The violence/abuse has ended and the abuser will overcompensate gifts or being overly polite. This brings a dopamine rush to the abused and a sense of relief.
- Calm: Both partners are neutral and the groundwork for the next cycle of abuse is slowly being built.
With an injury bond, you can believe like there’s only one person who not only knows what you’ve been through, but loves you for it. And that’s probably why you stay in the toxic relationship.
Why is it so hard to leave a toxic relationship?
Just like many things in life, we tend to shape up habits or doing things out of comfort and familiarity.
So, if you know you’re in a toxic relationship but don’t understand why and/or are having trouble ending it, it could be because:
You may feel guilty
As we mentioned above, you may feel that you are responsible for other people’s moods and happiness. You may worry that they may harm themselves if you leave and/or you may believe that if you leave the relationship, you are a bad person.
You justify being in the relationship
It’s easy to tell yourself that other forms of abuse, besides physical, aren’t so bad. Because of this, you may be blind to the fact that other forms of abuse can cause serious mental, emotional and physical health problems.
Sex is amazing
With the roller coaster of emotions and mood swings, you sex life it can be beautifully intense. It may be difficult to break away from it and/or you may believe that you will never find such a sexual relationship again.
You believe they will change
With time and persistence, you think they will change. And so you endure the ups and downs and the abuse. But this can be dangerous, as you equate their efforts to change with yours self esteem. The reality is: we cannot change people.
Fear of being free and social
There are a few reasons why you might not want to be single. Maybe you’ve shaped your entire identity around your partner, and in the process you’ve lost a lot of friends. You may fear what life would be like without your partner and that you will be alone. In addition, there is still a stigma today for those who are single. In addition, families may insist that you have a partner.
How to finally get out of a toxic relationship
Self awareness will go a long way. This, plus finding someone or a support group, could help you break out of this abusive cycle.
To find freedom and seek healthier relationships, it is important to:
Stop blaming yourself
It’s not your fault. Being aware that you are in a toxic relationship on your own can be painful, you don’t want to add extra layers guilt and shame.
Talk to someone you trust
Be careful who you open up to. It could be a family member, a friend or even one therapist. But, before you talk to them, make sure they are trustworthy and that you feel comfortable with them. Also, make sure they have your best interests at heart and are able to hold a space for you. When you find that person(s), you can unburden yourself and possibly see things from a different perspective.
With this insight, we hope that – if you are in a toxic relationship – you feel authorized to leave. Leaving doesn’t make you a bad person. You may still care for your partner, but it’s much healthier to care from a safe distance. It’s all about breaking the cycle and getting what you really deserve in love.
