Why is Jen so scared to date again? It’s been ten years since a devastating breakup and she’s struggling to move on…
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In this episode of Last First Date Radio, I coach Jen, a woman who is afraid to date again. Ten years ago, she was left blindsided when her boyfriend of three years suddenly ended the relationship without any explanation. She wants to open her heart to love again, but she doesn’t know how.
Listen as I help her:
- Identify her unhealthy dating patterns
- See the connection between her relationship with her mother and the men she has dated
- Refine her dating questions and must have and agree lists
- Reframing how she thinks about men
EP 589: Live Workout with Jen: Why am I so afraid to date again?
If you’ve ever been scared to date again after a breakup, this episode is for you!
Jen wrote on the podcast: “10 years ago, I was dumped without any notice. Now, I’m very afraid to meet again. I was blind. I thought it was him. Things were great until one day they weren’t. I was upset and confused for many years, foolishly hoping he would come back and hoping for closure. I realized two years ago that the problem was his and I am enough. I have lost years with a broken heart and have so much love to give. I asked all the right questions and still got hurt. I’ve been reading a lot, listening to the podcast and following your Facebook group, but I’m too scared to try again. It’s safer to be content on your own, but I’d like a lot more. I realize there are no guarantees, so I’m looking for help to open my heart to love again.”
She was in this relationship for three years. She broke up twice, both without warning. After the first breakup, she went to counseling for eight weeks and said she had changed and wanted back. But he left her again and she was devastated.
Questions I asked her about her love plan:
- Are you attracted to a ‘type’?
- Do you feel an intimate connection with these men?
- Are you justifying your partner’s behavior towards you?
- Do you feel like you don’t speak up because of fear of rejection?
- Do you find yourself putting up with hurtful behavior?
What are Jen’s biggest fears about dating again? To ask the right questions before getting involved, listen to their answers, and then fall in love with someone who leaves her.
The questions Jen asked men before our session:
1. When was your last relationship?
2. It’s over and done with, is there no way we’ll ever get back together?
3. Are you dating seriously or casually?
A question that would be more helpful: What did you learn from your last breakup?
Jen’s Homework
- Ask the right questions when dating: What did you learn from your last breakup? See if they take responsibility for why the relationship ended.
- Refine your must-haves and deals and look for them when you’re dating.
- Reframing your beliefs around men and what is possible in a relationship.
Watch this episode on YouTube
What is your biggest takeaway from Jen’s session with me? Which part resonated the most?
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