It’s the most wonderful time of the year! There will be hospitality parties, marshmallows for toasting and caroling in the snow. There will be lots of mistletoe and hearts will be shining since Christmas long ago. Oh, and the kids will laugh and everyone will tell you to be happy. According to Andy Williams, “it’s the happiest season ever!”
Ah, sounds like absolute bliss, right? The dreamy side of Christmas. Honestly, that’s what every mother wants. We pray that this time of year will be magical as we strive to create lifelong memories that our children will always cherish. It doesn’t matter what we do either. We may keep it simple or have fun piling on every activity imaginable, but the mission is always the same – to bring joy!
Have you noticed how this will practically happen? As we prepare, plan, and look forward to all the activities, events, and even simple sweet gestures, trying to make it all meaningful while focusing on Christ, we can actually get caught up in this romance of Christmas. While our heart may be in the right place, we often miss a fundamental piece. We teach messy little people about the beautiful, flawless message of Christ.
Sweet mom friend, we must realize that the moment we start planning to have a memorable activity where our families can bond and enjoy the joy of the season, the enemy will do his best to get in. Grr! For example… one minute you’re setting up the nativity and the next minute you’re breaking up a controversy over the words to a Christmas carol. To end this discussion, it’s “Jack Frost nibbles your nose, not your toes!” Sigh.
Anyway, all that to say, all the well-intentioned plans and thoughtful intentions come crashing to a screeching halt with a word, look, or deed, causing the tension in your humble home to rise, fanning the flames of your rogue brethren. Ugh. I’m sure at that point you’re humming the Bing Crosby tune internally and really understand why he added the line where “Mom and Dad can’t wait for school to start!”
Phew! Sibling competition can really put a damper on things, especially this time of year. A moment that encourages us to gather with family in love, joy… and peace.
So, is there an answer to how we can contain the chaos and restore some calm to the madmen in the name of peace?
Yes! Let’s see what God’s Word says. Better yet, let’s try to understand what God really wants from us this Christmas, even when our precious children are not doing well. The answer might just surprise you!
Keep sharing the Message of Love
We must keep in mind that as excited as we are to experience this season with our children, they are probably a hundred times more excited than we are! When we try to think like our children, we can put things in a different perspective, realizing that all this excitement can cause a huge variety of emotions. In other words, giddiness can quickly mix with justice, hilarity can be sprinkled with a dose of jealousy. And let’s not forget to mention when kids (and teenagers for that matter) are hungry, tired, and off schedule for the holidays, that can add another element, bringing a wave of whining and complaining that can easily spill over. here between brothers.
Although it is extremely difficult to remain calm and patient at times, we can do our best to continue to share the message of love with our actions and words, sending a loud and clear message to our children. Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a gentle answer turns away wrath. 1 Corinthians 13 he shares how love is patient, kind, and rejoices in the truth. While 1 Peter 3:8 it tells us that love covers a measure of sins.
The bottom line is that our reaction (or lack thereof) is a way to cultivate love and promote peace. We may rearrange our schedules to allow more rest or bend to a particular need so as not to cause conflict. Also, realize that simple statements like, “(your last name + his) show love. Are you showing love?’ or “I won’t talk to either of you until you both calm down, but I love you both” can go a long way.
Promote a Servant Heart
Christmas leads us to serve and love others, but how many times have you tried to cultivate this ability in your children’s hearts only to see greed take over? Yes, I can understand that. We have been there once or twice as well.
Encouraging our children to serve others is not an easy task, and as we are here on the road to be brutally honest, I dare say it is even more difficult for our children to serve one another. The truth of the matter is that they may love and enjoy serving others in their community and see the benefit as it gives them a sense of pride in helping. But, when it comes to serving the family, let’s just say it’s pretty close to home.
However, to combat some of the sibling rivalries, it all starts with service and then looking to the perfect model – Jesus. When we share stories of how Jesus loved others and served with all His heart, we give our children a glimpse into the beautiful humility and nature of our God. Share the story of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet (John 13). Then see if they’d be brave enough to mirror that (or do something special) for their brother or sister. The gift will be double!
Embrace the imperfections
Ok, we have to go back to the fact that as moms we try to make Christmas this wonderful and beautiful time of year for our families. As it should be, honestly. But, I can share with you a little secret that my grandmother once told me that still grumbles in my heart whenever I get wrapped up in the wrong things during the Christmas season, striving for… perfection?
Be realistic with your expectations. This is!
Managing our expectations is part of making magic happen while allowing messy little people to be a part of it. Need a little more guidance on what that looks like? Well, before my grandma passed away (my two oldest were four and one at the time, and I was just overwhelmed with my Christmas to-do list), here was some of her wisdom and I’m passing it on to you!
1. Take time to be alone – just be still, quiet and pray.
2. Create healthy boundaries with family and friends. It’s okay to say no.
3. Find joy in the simple things, like a tender and unexpected moment.
We can so easily focus on the things that didn’t work out or the arguments that ensue, that we fail to see the beauty in the simply sweet moments. The next time your little ones are hugging each other, playing together with the manger scene, or just getting along, tell them how proud you are of them showing love!
Give the Gift of Forgiveness
Christmas offers us so much hope and encouragement, begging us to rejoice and celebrate the many miracles that took place in that manger more than 2,000 years ago. It also opens the doors of our hearts to easily communicate His love and forgive any past hurts. Have you noticed how much easier it seems to make accommodations to meet difficult or difficult family members for the sake of Christmas? How quickly can we put aside our differences or extend a helping hand because we remember that Christ first loved us? How can we easily welcome family and friends into our home that we otherwise can’t see because our hearts seem a little softer?
Grace and forgiveness seem to flow a little easier at this time. Our kids can see it and feel it too. So while tension can build in your home, realize that it can die down just as quickly when we offer some space and extend grace. When your people want to pick a fight, give them room to search their hearts and find grace to forgive. While we may want to jump right in and “fix” them, we need to learn the art of stepping back and pausing to pray that God will do a work in their heart.
This season, while full of awe and wonder, can make any mom’s heart swell with pride when she looks at her little ones and sees them happily playing together under the Christmas tree. (Take advantage of this thought) Because for the times when that doesn’t happen, the kids fuss and fight, and everything seems to fall apart, thankfully, we have a perfect father who loves every part of us – chaos and all.
Photo: ©GettyImages/AntonioGuillem
