Marriage is based on a strong, unbreakable connection. You may have married your spouse with this belief. However, anyone who has been married for a long time can recognize this statement as a myth. And it certainly isn’t like that now. Now, you suspect that your husband or wife’s anxiety is destroying your marriage.
Obsessing over imagining the perfect union and comparing your marriage to that ideal won’t help you gain clarity about the validity of your hidden fear. Perspective is what is needed.
The following can help you begin to gain the perspective you desperately need.
Do you often wonder what to do if your spouse’s anxiety is destroying your marriage?
There is nothing as worrying as stress. And living with a spouse who struggles with constant emotional turmoil takes a lot of effort. It can be challenging and overwhelming, and it’s not uncommon for this stress to affect your marriage.
The good news? You don’t have to go on this journey alone. The fact that you are looking for answers to the matter means that you care about your husband.
You are more likely to build a stronger, more resilient relationship with your spouse and support him in managing his stress symptoms healthily and productively.
What is Anxiety?
To take full control of the situation, it is vital to deal with stress. Anxiety is an emotion anxiety, such as worry or fear, and can be mild or severe. It’s a natural response to stress, but it can mess with one’s head and relationships when it becomes overwhelming.
Think of anxiety as a pesky creature that crawls into your brain. It can make you feel irritable, anxious and agitated.
For example, someone with social anxiety disorder may feel like they are walking on eggshells around other people. Every social interaction gives them some kind of experience. They feel like a fish out of water, like they don’t belong in the “party” because “everyone is judging them”.
People who struggle with any kind of anxiety will ruminate on past experiences and worry about potential situations that haven’t happened. They may seem to live in a world of their own. And that world is usually not somewhere that others can understand. It is this inability to understand the inner world of your spouse’s stress that can make you wonder if it will destroy your marriage.
Understanding the root causes of stress in your spouse
To effectively support your spouse in managing their stress, it is essential to understand the root causes. There are different ones Anxiety Disorders, each with its own unique symptoms and triggers. They include:
- Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
- Social anxiety disorder
- Panic disorder
Various factors can cause stress:
- Genetics
- Brain chemistry
- Life experiences (traumatic and other major life events)
A potentially anxious person can have their anxiety levels triggered by things like:
- Work stress
- financial difficulties
- Relationship problems
If you constantly ask, “Is my husband’s or wife’s anxiety destroying my marriage?” this probably means that you have not yet figured out the root cause of your husband’s struggle.
For example, Sue grew up in a household that struggled with poverty. Although she is now financially stable as an adult, this childhood trauma has left her with a lingering sense of anxiety and uncertainty about money.
Every time Sue thinks about finances, her stomach clenches. She obsessively checks her bank account, even though its balance is enough to cover her expenses. She may even avoid spending on things she likes, like eating out or treating herself to a new outfit, because she feels guilty and stressed about it.
Sue’s financial stress would affect the way she and her husband spend their money, which could eventually take the shine off her marriage.
But trust me, 9 times out of 10, it’s not your anxious spouse’s intention to destroy your marriage.
What to do if your spouse’s anxiety is destroying your marriage
1. Communicate honestly with your spouse about their stress
Your spouse’s anxiety doesn’t have to destroy your marriage. Open and honest communication can be the first step in reducing the impact of stress on your marriage. Although you may find it difficult, many strategies can make the conversation easier.
Start by choosing a time when you and your spouse are calm and relaxed.
Don’t bring it up during an argument or when one of you is already stressed.
Active listening techniques such as taking back your spouse’s words, asking questions, and showing empathy can help you better understand their perspective.
Avoid offering unsolicited advice or trying to fix the problem, as this can make your spouse feel that their feelings are not being validated.
2. Supporting your husband will greatly reduce his stress levels and help you enjoy your marriage again.
Your husband or wife’s struggles with anxiety don’t have to control your marriage. With patience and communication, you and your spouse can work together to address their stress and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Support your husband includes developing a plan to manage symptoms.
In addition to your other efforts, it is vital that you encourage your spouse to seek professional help.
A professional counselor can provide your spouse with resources to manage their anxiety, including therapy, medication, or a combination.
When to seek professional help
If you’re worried about your spouse’s anxiety, it might be time to act. So, when should you seek professional help? You should encourage them to seek a therapist if their stress:
- It causes constant arguments or conflict in your marriage.
- It prevents them from participating in important family activities or events.
- It makes them withdraw from you emotionally or physically.
- It affects their ability to work or participate in other areas, including self-care.
A therapist or counselor can help your spouse learn coping strategies. And their coping skills will help ease the strain of your spouse’s anxiety.
It may also be helpful to work with a couples counselor or a private marriage retreat for couples to learn how to work better together and strengthen your relationship.
Worrying about whether your spouse’s stress is destroying your marriage is valid. It shows you care. When you put this care to work by encouraging your spouse to learn new coping skills and suggesting that the two of you get support for your marriage, you’ll be able to gain the clarity and perspective you need to know if you can repair the damage already did or if your hidden fear is real.
You will probably discover your spouse not intended to destroy your marriage. They are probably as worried about the situation as you are.
Mary Ellen Goggin offers relationship coaching for individuals and collaborates with her partner Dr. Jerry Duberstein to offer private accommodations to couples. To learn more about working with Mary Ellen, contact her here.
