As she stood at the customer service counter of a well-known large home improvement store, her irritation and anxiety skyrocketed after waiting two hours for her order.
Carol thought she was just picking up a large order of pavers for a new patio she and her husband were building and that her husband had called two days before…
But the order was not ready and no customer service person seemed to do anything to prepare it!
She was very angry, not least because this had happened to her in this store several times before.
Carol had been my coaching client for several months and was seeing some new ease around her usual anxiety, especially in her closest relationships, but this incident really upset her.
As we spoke in her next session, here are some things she realized about her anxiety… (shared with her permission)
1. When emotions are off the map, you can’t see a solution
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with our feelings and acknowledging what we’re feeling right now…
We simply cannot see other possibilities when we are blinded by overwhelming emotions.
And all feelings come from our thinking that we believe to be true at the moment.
Because Carol’s anxiety was so high, she could see no alternative to standing at the customer service counter and waiting two hours for her order.
Looking back, she could see that she was seeing life through her anger and that was shutting out any other possibility for a better experience.
Her mind told her that the order HAD to be ready because the clerks had two days to fill it.
The “shoulds” kept her anger bubbling up and prevented her from allowing the anxiety she was creating to subside—even after she went home.
2. When your mind is calm, you see possibilities
As Carol and I talked, the anger that had resurfaced when she told her story began to subside.
He began to see other possibilities.
He saw that he could order 5 days in advance the next time they needed coatings for their project and then he laughed and had another idea…
What would be even better would be for her to just go to the store without pre-ordering, find someone to help her load her truck, pay, and be on her way in half the time or less.
That was a possibility she couldn’t see when she thought in her mind how terrible the store was, how it always happened, and how she should have been treated differently.
3. Life is easier and more peaceful when you see the source of stress and make a choice
When you see where your anxiety comes from, that it doesn’t help any situation and takes you away from what you want…
You can make a choice.
Maybe the situation you don’t like is still there, but here is the choice you can make…
You can shift your focus to the realm of possibility and let your thinking and emotions settle.
It’s not always easy to do right now, but…
When you do, ideas come to you that weren’t there before.
When you do, you see the next step you need to take.
When you do, you see how your life and relationships are so much better when you see yourself anxiously thinking about what it is that is holding you back.
