It has been said that relationships are the hardest yoga. I agree that relationships have the same focus, effort and flexibility.
In marriage and other romantic relationships, as in yoga, we salute the sun every day, seeking to honor the best of ourselves, our partner, and our life together. We bend to adapt to life’s unexpected curves. We twist when we struggle with conflict. and we reach out trying to love our partner even when it’s not always easy. And when we’re looking for the balance between autonomy and intimacy, it can be as challenging as a one-handed side plank.
Estimated reading time: 4.5 minutes
Table of Contents:
All relationships have problems?
Common Relationship Problems
Changing the mindset of our relationships
Tips for solving relationship problems and challenges
TIP #1: Price differences (with personal example)
TIP #2: Assume innocence!
TIP #3: Ask yourself and your partner better questions
conclusion
Frequent questions
Do all relationships have problems?
In the various twists and turns required of a relationship, many couples are looking for THE Magic bullet. And every couple may occasionally wonder, “Do all relationships have problems?”
Unfortunately, fairy tales and romantic movies have taught us that love is magical and that “happily ever after!”
We have been deceived.
Conflict is inevitable. If each person in a relationship asserts their individuality, we will stumble over our differences. We all perceive life, love and relationships uniquely. With all our many differences as human beings, how could it be otherwise?
However, there are many keys to a healthy relationship and loving communication. No pair is alike. each couple must find their way through the challenges of love.
There is no one size fits all in love and marriage.
However, finding your groove as a couple has long-lasting benefits and makes the dedication and effort worth it!
Let’s explore the most common relationship challenges and then look at ways to increase relationship success.
Common Relationship Challenges
- Division of household chores: Who does what?
- Financial conflicts: Is there equity capital contributions? Is one partner frugal and the other an overspender (or risk saver)?
- Work stress.
- Different parenting styles and involvement.
- Issues with sex, including affairs and infidelity.
- The in-laws: Their influence, financial support, involvement and expectations.
- Different coping mechanisms.
- Different ideas of recreation and adventure seeking.
- Tech addictions: Should a bedroom be tech-free? What is reasonable phone use?
- Quality time as a couple versus individual pursuits and hobbies.
- One or both partners expect the other to be a mind reader.
- Unhealthy boundaries.
Changing the mindset of our relationships
TThe above relationship challenges are so common that you’ve probably experienced some or all of them, and sometimes they can seem insurmountable. Fortunately, there are ways to fix a problem in a loving relationship. But not without changing our mindset and the way we look at our relationship issues.
Try the following three simple actions to help your relationship and keep your love alive.
I said “simple”… I didn’t say easy.
Implementing the following actions will not always be easy! But when practiced and applied, they are game changers!
You will experience the IMPACT on your relationship to change the mood, heal an argument, turn an argument into laughter, and completely change the narrative. You will be able to transform the way you communicate with your partner.
And this awareness is liberating. This change in relationship mindset will change the way you see ‘problems’.
Do you think you could do this yoga pose in the picture without skill and practice?
Learning it requires flexibility, learning easier yoga poses and growing at this level. Many of us will never even attempt this pose as it requires so much concentration and strength.
Relationship yoga requires us to flex our love muscles! To choose every day to love. And to be willing to be uncomfortable by committing to love when it’s hard.
We need to want to love our partner MORE than being “right” or “angry” or “making it.”
These simple attitudes in relationships will help you gain sweetness. Your relationship will be so strong that you will pinch yourself to see if it is real.
Tips for solving relationship problems and challenges
TIP #1: Honor your differences
In love and marriage, many conflicts are unnecessarily caused by expecting our partners to be exactly like us. Is not!
When we accept this fact, we can start doing it they appreciate our differences instead of using them as fuel for arguments and fights.
For example, in the early years of my marriage, my husband could not understand (or accept) my physical sensitivity to stimuli, such as smelling a gas leak that he could not smell. Being bothered by bright lights in the morning. or disturbed by the noise of the car’s radiator fan. At first, I was hurt by how often he dismissed my experiences.
Then, I got it! How could he understand? It was like different from me as the moon is from the sun. For example, he had very low temperament sensitivity, hardened by a judgmental mother. I had a high sensitivity that was reinforced by a traumatic childhood. Its energy was soft with a slower response time. My energy was moving fast and always on the go! He was an introvert. I was an extrovert. We lived each moment differently!
Once that insight sunk in, I sought to deeply understand my husband’s perspective and experience. With this dramatic shift in mindset, it became like watching a great sci-fi movie and being in awe of the special effects. My earlier bewilderment at his behaviors turned into fascination and acceptance of the interior of the universe and all the shooting stars!
What I learned was that he wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings. it just didn’t have the same lens. It is human nature to see life through our own lens.
Healthy relationships are about building a reliable bridge between each other’s private universes—not by compromise! Love and marriage require us to be uncomfortable sometimes caring for another person.
TIP #2: Consider innocence!
It’s so easy to assume we know what our partner is thinking or their intentions, isn’t it?
Don’t do it!
Years ago, I had a client who insisted that her longtime boyfriend was having an affair. Instead of discussing it jealousy With him, she began checking his texts and emails, following him to and from work, and simmering her fears until she was sick with worry. And much to her surprise, she couldn’t find a shred of evidence to back up her concerns.
As we further explored her anxiety, she revealed a confusing and troubling memory from when she was eight. She and her sister had been woken up in the middle of the night by her dad’s voices. She accused her mom of having an affair. As we worked to embody the tender feelings of a little girl, her obsession with her boyfriend’s behavior disappeared.
Evidence of innocence.
Be curious and start a meaningful dialogue together instead of blaming, criticizing or blaming your partner. Suspend judgment, seek to understand and see life from theirs point of EXCELLENCE.
TIP #3: Ask yourself and your partner better questions
When we ask more meaningful questions, we get better quality answers that offer greater understanding, encourage exploration, and invoke deeper trust in ourselves, our partners, and our relationship.
- Instead of asking your partner why they keep forgetting to take out the trash, ask yourself what motivates your partner.
- Instead of getting angry and throwing emotional darts at your spouse, calm down and ask yourself, “What triggered my partner’s behavior?”
conclusion
By understanding your partner’s perspective, you will learn to appreciate how differently they may experience life, your relationship, family and work.
Just as stretching in yoga builds limb muscles, choosing to stretch in an effort to understand your partner instead of reacting creates a flexible relationship. And just like after a great yoga session, the good feelings keep you coming back for more!
Claim your love in these new ways and love will not only be alive, will thrive!
Frequent questions:
How do I bring up an issue in a relationship?
When a subject tugs at your heartstrings and persists, it’s a sign that you need to discuss it with your partner. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, even a little scary, but it will build more strength and trust in the relationship.
To bring up something difficult, it helps to let your partner know that it is difficult for you. Say something like, “I love you so much. I have to tell you something that’s not easy. Would you be willing to listen without interrupting?” Usually, this request helps the person cut you some slack because they know you’re struggling.
Next, you want to let them know your intentions. For example, “I only want to deal with this because you mean the world to me and I want our relationship to grow and become even better.” This short comment lets them know your true intent, dispelling any doubts that you’re breaking up, breaking up, or just wanting to give them a hard time. In other words, you create security. (Our mind likes to jump to conclusions; now it won’t have to!)
Then you want to frame the topic in an “I” message like “I get scared when you come home late without calling. I’m afraid something happened. Would you be willing to try to let me know about your plans?”
The “I message” is about how you feel and how your partner affects you. he doesn’t blame them or make them wrong. Usually, these steps help create a meaningful agreement.
If you want more support and are looking for “relationship counseling near me”, contact us today! Contact us at support@heartmanity.com.
