Honestly, I feel ashamed when I think back to all those times when I used to get so angry…
I’m not so angry anymore.
In fact, you could say I’m a changed man, but there have been times in my life when my outbursts of anger have left me and the people I love around me shocked, surprised and dumbfounded.
It happened too many times to remember and I’m sure that in those not-so-pleasant moments, the people I loved and cared about couldn’t help but wonder…
“How can this guy (me) who is so kind and loving for a minute explode in anger without warning?”
-Sometimes it was subtle and sometimes my anger was explosive.
-Sometimes it was under control and sometimes I literally thought my head would explode from the rage I felt.
-Sometimes there was an explanation for the anger…
-And sometimes the smallest thing that wouldn’t upset any normal person would somehow throw me off seemingly without warning.
There are as many ways that anger manifests itself (and keeps love at bay) as there are people in the world.
If you don’t know the true source of anger and why it happens…
It can destroy your love, your relationships, your career and everything else that matters.
(Even if it’s not the explosive kind of anger).
Do not understand.
I didn’t know when another tantrum would happen.
I didn’t know if I was going to do any permanent damage to my relationships… (especially the early days with my beloved Suzy.)
Basically…
There came a time when I just had to wonder…
“Why the #*&@ Am I So Angry?”
The answer didn’t come all at once, but there were some insights I had that literally changed EVERYTHING for me around anger.
At first it wasn’t something I even noticed.
A few years ago, I just started noticing that I was in a place of calm more and more often and I no longer had these angry outbursts or outbursts.
Awesome.
What a relief!!!
But why not?
What changed;
What changed;
What was it that I saw now that I didn’t see before that made me this calm guy who no longer bursts with anger?
Here is…
And it’s so simple it’s crazy and yet this changed everything for me.
Anger is nothing more or less than your chosen response to a thought you have or had (it becomes an emotion).
Just because you have a thought doesn’t make it reality or mean you have to act on it.
Just because you have a thought, it doesn’t mean your worst fears will come true.
And finally…
Anger (even intense anger) is just a knee-jerk reaction to a thought that if something doesn’t happen or turn out the way you think, you won’t be okay.
And expressing anger is the only way to make that happen.
*Once I learned that I would STILL be okay…I would STILL be OK, even if life didn’t go my way and I didn’t get what I wanted everything changed.
*Once I learned that I could ask for what I wanted (and maybe even get it) when I wanted something, everything changed.
*Once I learned that I could talk to the people in my life about their intentions or how they saw things instead of making instant assumptions that they would try to dictate how situations would turn out, everything changed.
Not all at once.
But it changed.
-I learned that I used to see anger as a normal reaction to express my upset when things didn’t go my way (even before they happened).
-I learned that I was unaware of how I appeared to the world to the people I came in contact with and especially to the people I loved and who loved me.
-I learned that my anger was a way of dealing with my perceived “unmet needs” to be okay in the world.
-I learned it was a way to deal with my feelings of helplessness (which weren’t really real).
-I learned that intense anger comes from strong feelings of wanting something you think is important and fearing you won’t get it.
I just learned that the root cause of anger was that emotions come from thoughts we believe and act out and that our emotions are not created by anything going on in the outside world and that was all it took.
Everything started to change after that and the funny part of it is that I never consciously tried to shift or change my anger.
It changed itself when I saw life with new eyes.
Today, I fully see that I don’t need to blow myself up and get angry to get what I want in life.
I totally see that I’m always fine no matter what and this my friend changes everything.
The side benefit of this new way of seeing the truth about life is that I no longer think I have to be angry to be happy.
Things come to me much more naturally and organically.
I find that when I show up as love more and more often…
And I open my heart, mind and soul to see something new instead of seeing things the same way, things open up and magic seems to happen in my life.
No, I don’t always get what I want.
No, life isn’t always perfect.
But it’s really really good.
One of the reasons life is so good these days is…
I see the truth about anger and because of it my life, my relationships, my finances, are better.
In fact, everything is better because of this knowledge about the true nature of anger and what it really is and where it comes from.
I am no longer bound by misplaced or misplaced anger.
My beloved and the other people in my life no longer wonder when my next tantrum will happen.
Because of my knowledge about anger, where it comes from, and how it is not something to be afraid of, I am more open, kinder, and more loving to everyone who crosses my path in life.
With this new truth in my back pocket to always have with me, there is so much freedom – the freedom to live, love and enjoy life more fully.
And what’s better than that?
