In an interesting paradox, heterosexual single men were lonelier than ever, while heterosexual single men Single women are happier than their male counterparts.
Women don’t settle anymore.
Psychologist Greg Matos caused a stir on social media last month when he published an article about rise of single, lonely men and a major contributing factor is women’s higher dating standards. Some findings of Dr. Matos shares:
- Dating opportunities for heterosexual men decrease as relationship patterns increase.
- Younger and middle-aged men are the lonelier have been passed down for generations
While most welcomed the idea of women finally rooting for equal relationships – for a selection of men, it was a tough pill to swallow. Some unhappy comments about me YouTube videos shed some light on the feeling:
“Women are delusional in their standards.”
“Ladies, enjoy our crazy cat lady starter kits.”
“Women like her still complain…”
Many men are turned on by the perception that women are raising their standards and no longer tolerate poor communication skills and emotional unavailability. Suggesting men do the work to improve their relationship skills? Crazy! Delusional!
I’m surprised to see so many guys getting so defensive (also don’t shoot the messenger – we share the data) as I’ve had hate comments on mine Tik Tok and Instagram also.
Women aren’t asking men to make more money or look better – they’re asking men to improve their relationship skills. This is really great news – because unlike superficial things like looks, height and wealth – relationship skills can be learned and developed. The best part – it’s free!
If you’re a man looking to get a shot at real companionship, it’s going to take some investment in your relationship skills. Here’s a communication framework where you can practice and develop those EQ skills!
Practice constructive communication
Do you find your conversations escalating in intensity? Do you find yourself defensive or passive-aggressive? Try Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., NVC is a framework that helps you communicate with empathy and connection, helping the conversation move forward versus repeating itself in circles.
It uses a four-step process of observing, recognizing feelings, identifying needs, and making a clear request.
- Observe the facts without judgment. State the facts, not your interpretations or assumptions. For example My event on Saturday started at 14:00 and I sent you two reminders to be on time.
- Describe how you feel using “I” language. For example, I was sorry when you didn’t come on time, especially since this was an important event for me.
- Consider the unmet need. Emotions such as anger and sadness reveal unmet needs such as love, acceptance, connection, etc.
- Make a clear request. Make a specific, achievable request. You are stating a preference, not a requirement. Don’t be vague. Instead “Be more careful!” you can say, “Would you be open to going to Thursday’s event together so we can make sure we get there 15 minutes early?”
There are many tools you can learn to start developing your relationship skills. You don’t have to be ashamed of where you start. It’s not like we were taught this in school. We learned how to dissect a frog before we learned how to get in touch with our emotions, express them, and utilize healthy coping mechanisms.
Developing these skills is not only for women’s sake, but also for yourself. You will find a ripple effect in all your relationships – from professional, platonic and romantic. There is no doubt that you can do it if you choose to invest the effort.
The question is, will you rise to the challenge?
