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Arguing again about your partner’s cell phone use? You are not alone. But while it would be easy to assume that the impact of technology on relationships is mostly negative, there are also many positives. If you’re curious and wondering “how technology affects relationships,” this article, written by a sex and relationship therapist, has you covered.
How does technology affect relationships?
The positive impact of technology
Offers free relationship and sex inspiration
One of the most hotly debated pieces of technology is social media. And while many people have negative experiences with it, it offers some positives.
There are thousands of sex therapists and relationship therapists on Instagram offering free content.
Whether it’s how to handle conflict or how to have your first orgasm – you can find just about anything there.
This is a great way to get inspired to create change in your relationship, the posts and wheels can even be shared with your partner as a means of starting a tough conversation. The same goes for blog posts (like this one!). Sharing something thought-provoking can lead to significant behavioral changes for a better, closer relationship.
More intimacy in long distance relationships
One of the best parts of our ever-expanding technological advancements has to be how they benefit long-distance relationships. Because when you can’t cook dinner together, cuddle on the couch, or have sex—you need other ways to keep a relationship alive.
With smartphone apps that allow video calling and sex toys that can be used to share pleasure at the same time (even if you’re halfway around the world), it’s easier than ever to create intimacy.
This means your relationship is more likely to not only last longer – but to continue to evolve.
Experiences can be shared more easily when you can bring your partner in your pocket. And shared experiences are a critical part of keeping any partnership interesting!
It facilitates logistics
How does technology affect relationships? When it comes to logistics – positive!
Whether it’s a quick phone call to your partner or an update on your shared grocery list app – we can all agree that smartphones often make everyday tasks easier. Not only that – there are so many technology-powered services these days that simplify our daily lives. Services like meal kits can make dinnertime a lot easier for busy families and couples.
Another added benefit is that by being able to reach our partner whenever, we are given the opportunity to plan less and live a little more.
Great way to build sexual anticipation
As a sex therapist and coach, I talk a lot with my clients about the importance of building sexual anticipation. Because sex isn’t just about the physical act – it’s also mental.
For some, building up during the day through sexy texts or nudes can serve as a great way to prepare ourselves and our partner for sex.
Especially in long-term relationships or marriages, this can be a way to inject some sexual novelty into the bedroom.
Technology can also be used to turn yourself on so that you are more interested in sex with your partner. There are countless apps, websites and audiobooks that you can use to build sexual tension within yourself – to release it with your loved one.
It gives us temporary relief
One of the most under-discussed positives of technology is that it can serve as temporary relief. Whether social media is addictive or not, it can actually satisfy the need for a temporary safe space. A place to retreat to when the demands of our lives are too much.
This temporary break doesn’t necessarily mean it is better relief out there. However, if you are struggling and calming down or meditating is more stressful than relaxing – it can be a lifesaver right now.
However, over time, it’s good to look for other ways to decompress, because using technology is only a short-term solution, not a long-term one.
But it’s important to remember that disconnecting from your life through social media, a TV series, or your favorite forum isn’t inherently toxic or bad. Regardless of what popular discourse would lead you to believe. Sometimes we’re too wired to be quiet, and that’s okay.
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The negative effects of technology
It makes co-regulation more difficult
As mentioned above, our phones can distract us from our real lives. And goodness knows life can be tough these days! But if we’re used to technology bringing us down when we’re frustrated – we might begin to seek the comfort of others a lot less. Like the warm embrace of our partner, for example.
One of the best parts of a good romantic relationship or marriage is co-arrangement. According The OT toolboxco-regulation is “the ability to regulate emotions and behaviors to soothe and manage stressful internal sensory inputs or external situations, with the support and direction of a connected person.”
Basically – co-regulation is when you and someone else can help each other de-stress. Often this is done through soothing voices, close physical contact and someone who is there to listen and show empathy.
If you’re consistently using your phone more than your partner or someone else, you’re giving up the benefits of sharing. Over time, this pattern is reinforced because your brain remembers that it feels good to distract, rather than co-regulate.
This is important to keep in mind when your partner reaches for their phone, as this may be the way to set up. So while it might be rude and seem weird, it could also be a coping mechanism – but one that’s important to break down over time.
He comes in time for undivided attention
When you ask “how does technology affect relationships,” one of the most obvious answers is likely to be: negative.
Just like this qualitative study observations – technology can create connection when we are apart, but sometimes it creates distance when we are together.
If you’ve ever sat down to a romantic meal to find your partner scrolling through social media or replying to a quick email as you share your day, you’re not alone. In fact, being joined at the hip to our phones can make it increasingly difficult to shower our partner with undivided attention. Or to feel that we have seen and heard ourselves.
With the constant notifications and other alerts they have to respond to, our relationship can take a back seat. Because the urgency our phones create can be hard to compete with as a human.
Take time to de-task and look your partner in the eye. Even if they only tell you about Roberta’s annoying plate-stacking habits at work.
By offering undivided attention, you tell your partner that they are important. That their feelings, experiences and thoughts matter. And with more of them – comes plenty of intimacy. The things we all want, deep down.
Social media can oversimplify complex behaviors
While free advice and psychoeducation on social media platforms is great – it has a downside. This is because most applications require a professional to offer hot shots and simplified explanations.
While opinions and simplifications may be useful, and certainly more digestible, they lack any nuance. And without nuance, complex topics like sex and relationships suddenly become black and white.
This in turn can cause us to think in black and white terms about our partner and their behaviors. Allowing us to draw (often incorrect) conclusions about why they do something. Which over time can lead to a lack of communication, and a weakened bond.
The grass always looks greener
Social media often makes it seem like everyone else’s relationship is a little better than yours. If it seems like other couples are always out on date nights and escapades, you can be sure that’s not the case.
Social media has been called “the roller coaster” for a reason.
Most people aren’t out there sharing how their laundry argument turned into a divorce discussion. Or how they haven’t had sex in 5 months and sleep in separate bedrooms.
Just because you don’t see it – doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. And just because everyone else seems in love 24/7, doesn’t mean they are.
Positive and negative effects of technology on relationships
Technology affects all of our relationships – especially our romantic ones. But while it can provide us with useful content, provide temporary relief, or connect us when we’re apart – it can also tear us apart when we’re together.
When we struggle to get through a meal without checking our phones, the intimacy between us can easily erode.
If you want to keep your relationship alive and have a great sex life, you need to practice turning towards each other (while facing your screens).
And while the word “balance” may seem like something impossible to achieve in this day and age – striving for it is your best bet. This way you can positively leverage the impact of technology on relationships. For a wonderful relationship and a satisfying sex life that lasts.
