What’s the difference between having high standards and expectations in dating? They are both important. Here’s why…
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It’s important to have both standards and expectations on the date. What is the difference between the two? How can you set clear and realistic standards and manage your expectations so you don’t get hurt?
The difference between standards and expectations in dating
The difference between expectations and standards
Expectations are what we impose on others and standards are what we hold for ourselves.
Standards in dating
Our standards indicate the way we want to be heard, seen and treated. It’s important to define our standards and expect them to be met when dating and in relationships.
Some examples of patterns in dating:
- Respect for your opinions, feelings, needs, beliefs and desires
- Shared values, ethics and worldview
- Honesty and reliability
- Feeling of security, equality and affection
Date expectations
An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen. It’s based on an assumption, not a fact, because we can’t predict how someone will act or how our date will go.
Once we understand that our own expectations are nothing more than our best guesses embedded in a belief about someone or something, we can begin to manage them. These best guesses are based on our deep opinions mixed with a great deal of hope.
Three ways to manage your dating expectations
1. Be curious
When in doubt, get curious. Ask for clarity. Ask what the other person needs or wants instead of assuming. For example, you might assume that the person you’re dating wants to go out to eat after a long day at work, when they might just want to stay in and cuddle. Save yourself the frustration by asking, not assuming.
2. Stay present and open.
When you stay present to who your date is, you stop projecting who you THINK they are or who you WANT them to be. Stay present and open and you’ll have far fewer misunderstandings and disappointments.
3. Don’t possibly date.
One of the biggest mistakes in dating is meeting someone who would be great “if only…” You stay with them because you see their potential, but they don’t change for you. Stay with them because you like who they are NOW, not who they will become “if…”
This is how we can manage our own expectations. It’s a little harder to manage other people’s expectations of us. But it’s definitely doable, and it’s worth investing your time and energy to be proactive in three key areas.
3 ways to manage others’ expectations of us
1. Get in touch.
Speak early and often. Let the people you date know how you want to be treated. Repeat yourself if you have to, and you probably will with a lot of people. Let them know your standards and boundaries, such as what times they can call, when you hook up with a partner, and generally what you will and won’t do.
For example: If you both share what you need before your vacation, like downtime to recharge, you’ll have more fun and less frustration or resentment.
2. Anticipate problems.
It’s healthy to anticipate and talk about worst-case scenarios in dating and relationships so you’re prepared for whatever comes up. This way, you can ensure that there are fewer big surprises and twists and things will go much better.
3. Know your partner’s biases.
Knowing your romantic partner’s core beliefs and where they stand on button-related issues can help you empathize with their differences, which helps you connect and communicate better with them.
Master your expectations
Understanding the role of expectations in your love life will help you begin to increase your awareness of expectations so you can recognize them when they arise and be able to extinguish your expectations in the first place.
You will feel empowered when you begin to apply the strategies I have shared for eliminating other people’s expectations and minimizing others’ expectations of you.
Having this understanding will allow you to manage your expectations so they don’t manage you.
If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and want to finally find love, sign up for a free 45 minute session with Sandy
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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, To become a woman of value. How to thrive in life and love and Choice of Points on Appointment. Empowering women to make healthier decisions in love.
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