Think about it for a moment: What if, when it comes to dating, what you no does it matter more than anything else?
Let’s say you want to get in shape and adopt a healthier lifestyle.
To achieve this you don’t just need to train regularly (To Do List)you also need to cut junk food out of your diet (Don’t Do List).
Now apply the same principle to dating.
To find your ideal partner, you don’t just need to be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship (To Do List) but also break the toxic patterns that prevent you from finding true love (List not pending).
Here are three dos and don’ts that will change the way you date and remove the blocks that prevent you from creating healthy love.
- Don’t make your date a soap opera for your friends
“You involve 4378 people and their neighbors in your private life and then you wonder why things go wrong” – Samy Dindane
Remember the time you went on your first real date in 11th grade and it became national news among your circle of friends?
We all fondly reminisce about the endless hours spent “Oooo..Tell me Everything” followed by a minute-by-second dissection of your date.
Cute.
For a 16 year old.
But you’re not 16 anymore – so why are you still letting your friends use your dating stories as entertainment?
We all have paired friends in our lives who want to know everything that happens on our dates so they can project, express their opinions, and judge your potential partners and choices.
They may even feel superior that they “know better” just because they are married. But what may have worked for them, doesn’t necessarily translate to you.
Your life is not a soap opera, so stop broadcasting it to people who can use it for gossip and entertainment.
That doesn’t mean you can never share or ask for advice. Just be aware of when you’re leaking energy and making yourself the joke.
Keep strong boundaries and only share with people you trust.
- Don’t Have a “No Mindset”
I’ve mentored hundreds of singles who insist they’re ready for a real relationship – but their actions speak otherwise.
These are the people who go on a lot of first dates but keep focusing on the person’s flaws.
They’re the ones who say they want a relationship but reject arrangements from friends, people outside of their ‘type’ and anyone who doesn’t fit their romantic idea of ’The One’
But here’s the hard truth: “You won me over at first sight” it doesn’t exist in real life, especially when it comes to relationships. It’s magical thinking, and it’s been warping your reality ever since Cinderella to Really love to Bridgerton.
Creating a checklist of superficial qualities (name, height, money, occupation, etc.) comes from place of the ego, and when you decide to stick strictly to that dating list – you judge potential partners before taking the time to get to know them.
While you should not compromise your standards of being treated with respect, reciprocity, and kindness, you should definitely set aside what is said “present bias”. This refers to the tendency to optimize for properties that matter in the short term, but actually don’t matter in the long term.
The first step to getting out of the “no” mindset is to say “yes” to dating people who are outside of your typical type. It keeps you from making premature judgments and rejecting people who might actually be a good fit!
And it opens you up to connect with someone based on their character and how well they treat you.
3. Don’t wait for love to fall into your lap
This is for the die-hard romantics in all of us. Yes, you want epic meet cute, but waiting for love to strike is not a strong approach to love. It’s a passive approach, wait for it to happen to me (if you can call it an approach).
It sounds simple, but the more people you expose yourself to, the more opportunities you have to access potential partners. You want to make sure you’re also diversifying the ways you meet people.
Against dating apps? Did you know that 20% of today’s committed relationships started online?
Do you only use dating apps? Time to diversify. According to Bustle, about 39% of people meet their significant other through friends.
Ask your friends to connect you with new people, say yes to invitations, sign up for dance classes or a workshop to learn a new hobby, go to a coffee shop alone and strike up a conversation with a stranger… . Chances are, you haven’t exhausted different ways to meet people.
Want to learn how to build a healthy relationship?
Join me Dating Mastery program where I will guide you to create healthy love.
