Hello friends,
We live in a technology driven society. Everywhere you go, and everywhere you look, you can find some form of technology. As I sit here and think back, most of this happened in my lifetime. When Alex and I were growing up, technology didn’t play a huge role in our lives.
We both had a TV, but didn’t have satellite, computers or cell phones until we were almost adults. I remember getting my first cell phone when I graduated high school, and the only thing that phone did was call my mom to let her know where I was, often.
Times… They have changed
Needless to say, a lot has changed in my nearly 40 years of life. Almost every home has not just one TV, but multiple ones with endless streaming services. Most people not only have computers but also laptops or tablets, and of course most everyone has a mobile phone. You can give a young baby a cell phone now and chances are they know how to use it.
It’s really wild how much things have changed in my lifetime. In some ways, the changes were very beneficial. I know I enjoy many of the conveniences that technology has brought us. It’s hard to remember how we did certain things before omniscience on the internet and cell phones became our constant companions.
However, although technology has brought great convenience to our lives, it has the ability to take something from us that is more valuable than anything it can give. Connection and Intimacy.
Statistics Don’t Lie
Alex and I recently went to a marriage conference where Jimmy Evans was speaking. He is its founder XO Wedding, a ministry that exists to help couples have a healthy and strong marriage. He talked a lot about technology and the impact it can have on your marriage as a whole. Here is a little of what he shared with us.
- 1/3 of all cases are initiated online.
- Facebook causes 25% of the fights that happen in a week.
- 1 in 7 couples are considering divorce because of their spouse’s social media habits.
And here are the ones that left me and Alex speechless…
- 10% of people will stop having sex to check their phone if it goes off.
- 35% of people check their phones after sex.
What the heck?!?!?
The takeaway I got from this was…
As you read these statistics, where does your marriage fall? Perhaps you are guilty of falling into these categories? Maybe you haven’t done the above, but you’ve had your phone picked by a live person.
I can personally say, I have! There have been times both in and out of my marriage where I chose my phone over a person.
Here’s the problem
When we pick our phones from another person, especially our spouse, we cut off intimacy and connection. It’s a slow process and you may not see any harm in it, but every time you choose your phone over another person, you weaken that connection. So how do we stop it? How do we regain intimacy and connection with our spouse and strengthen our marriage?
Ways to regain intimacy and connection
Intimacy requires privacy
Here’s a hard truth – you’ll have to say “no” to someone or something in order to say “yes” to your spouse. This means that there will need to be specific times that are just for the two of you.
No Facebook. No Instagram. Without wheels. No chatting with friends. No phones.
Goal #1- Spend some time each day without technology.
This level of privacy and time will only begin to strengthen the connection between you.
Intimacy requires live human contact
Satan is a sly little creep. It rarely attacks us in a way that is obvious. In the case of technology, it was actually pretty thin. What he did was convince us that “something” is better than “someone”. He has done a good job. Check this out.
- The average person touches their phone over 2000 times a day.
So what’s the big deal?
If you touch something else, you are not touching your husband.
Intimacy and connection require physical contact.
Goal #2- Be intentional about holding your spouse instead of your phone.
The number of times you touch your spouse can be a good gauge of how good your marriage is, so choose it over keeping any form of technology.
Intimacy requires protection
We must be intentional about protecting our intimacy and connection. It is precious and deserves this protection. Earlier in this blog, we gave you some statistics about the technology. Many arguments and marital issues happen because of social media. This is usually because the boundaries have not been set.
Goal #3- Set boundaries that will protect your marriage.
Allowing your spouse access to your phone, not starting that “old boy/girlfriend” conversation in secret, and setting time limits can be your marriage’s saving grace.
Intimacy requires rest
Finally, we need to take time to rest if we want to have a strong and lasting relationship with our spouses. Life can be stressful at times, but it doesn’t have to be stressful all the time. Rest is not only beneficial for your personal health, but also for the health of your marriage, it is also biblical.
By the seventh day God had finished the work he was doing. so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because it rested from all the work of creation that he had done. Genesis 2:2-3
Then there remains a Sabbath rest for God’s people, 10 for whoever has entered into God’s rest has also rested from his works as God from his. Let us therefore strive to enter into this rest, so that no one falls through the same disobedience. Hebrews 4:9-11
Goal #4- Find some time each week to rest and rejuvenate.
Remember that rest does not mean a nap. It’s anything that brings you life. Check out our blog, The Importance of Sabbath, for some ideas on how to rest with your family.
Choose your ‘Best Yes’
Is technology bad? 100 percent, no! It brings us many comforts for which I am very grateful. However, it has its place. Our marriage and our husband are more important than our phones. So, going forward, be intentional about your choice better yes. Choose your spouse and family from your phone and you will find that your intimacy and connection with them will increase!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
