You’re hot shit. You are amazing. Now you are in control of what you want to do with your body and it feels great. Now let’s keep that feeling going and don’t let other things stop you from feeling so empowered. Sure, you may have explored and lived enough before you started working as a sex worker that you know where some boundaries are, but there are so many questions that you may not even have heard and should look up. What are you doing? Try it and get the money? Or say no thanks to something you don’t understand and forget the series of acronyms you can barely put into words let alone a service? Fortunately there is a better way, so let’s take a look at setting those limits. While it may be a lot to take in and ponder, I will group a few things together into categories.
Boundaries around services
Every sex worker is unique and different. Your personality and what you offer stands out. Think about what you feel comfortable doing with others. This can change from customer to customer and even day to day. Some days, I wake up and I definitely don’t feel like I want to be a mom, but more like a high school bully and that’s okay. We are fluid people, but we create a foundation for the things you love to do. From there you can branch out and discover new things that can be added to this list, but the basics are what bring you joy and feel confident doing it. No matter what, you are never forced to do something you don’t want to do. This can include your clothing or lack thereof, access to parts of your body and physical activities.
Boundaries around time
Your time is valuable. Everyone has a limited amount of time in their life, and how you allow others to use it can easily backfire on you. You’ve taken charge of your body, now take control of your time, aka charging for your time! Don’t be swayed by those who are pleasers and can’t make up their minds. Just because you don’t have a 9-5 job doesn’t mean you don’t work on time. If you factored in the long hours you spend communicating with clients, fighting punitive social media policy to keep your accounts alive, or driving to meet a client – would you be happy with an hourly rate?
Calculate your working hours. You can set your own work schedule. If you work from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep and neglect your well-being in between and have no time to eat, consider whether you would work for a boss who asked you to do this (without benefits!). Be kind to yourself, your mental health is definitely a factor to consider in the longevity of your sex worker career. Don’t burn yourself out because you will end up eating up your own time in the future.
Boundaries around money
What amount of money would make you feel good about the services you provide? What amount of money do you think you deserve for the work you do? The beauty of the sex industry is that you can price yourself. Set your own prices and raise them when you want. If people can’t afford you, it’s not your problem to solve. Some won’t be able to afford you and others will send you an advance without a problem and offer you a tip. Stay true to yourself and you will attract those who respect your prices and don’t haggle.
Don’t let money affect your other boundaries. If you don’t offer a service, don’t be lured by money to bend your limits. It will feel awful to feel like you can be bought and customers will feel like they can constantly push your boundaries. You have the power here. you make the rules.
Boundaries around customers
By clearly communicating who you are and what you offer, you will attract the customers you want to keep. Of course, there are and always will be fans who won’t align with what you’re aiming for, don’t worry – you’re a hot commodity. While it can be flattering, and then again, money can be enticing, by saying no to clients who aren’t right for you, you make room for the right ones. Even if a client was your regular and is now asking for something different or more from you that you are unwilling to give, when a client no longer aligns, you are certainly not obligated to continue that relationship.
Each person has the ability to shape their own reality. As a sex worker, you have complete autonomy over who, what and when you want to do it. The freedom to do whatever you want and with whoever you choose to allow into your space. Interactions should make you feel energized, happy, and appreciated. If they leave you feeling exhausted and drained, then it’s time to refocus and review what your limits are. Boundaries are set so that you can sustainably do the things you love with the people you choose.
