It’s hard to be naked. Especially in front of your classmates or colleagues. You may have read my previous blog post about doing The Mirror Exercise when I was in graduate school. The Mirror Exercise is a confrontational group experience where each person in a group of mixed-gender sexologists is asked to undress piece by piece while looking into a mirror and saying aloud the words that come to mind – speaking the negative (and sometimes positive) self-talk that it comes out unwanted from the mind to the body. ,
I recently did The Mirror Exercise again. This time, I participated in APSEX, the Advanced Personal Sexual Exploration Experience I attended in the hills near Calistoga, California. ASPEX was created and led by my mentor and friend Dr. Patti Britton. I was on the support team. We were a group of 26 people from 7 countries – all people who had deep personal and professional experiences and/or training in the field of human sexuality. In general, we feel “comfortable” with our bodies. And yet, standing in front of a full-length mirror in a lit room, with our peers watching quietly, was a challenge for many of us. Some of us cried, many of us told stories of sexual shame from our past or recent life experiences.
We did the exercise with the intention of letting go of that shame, leaving it there in that rustic retreat center. I know I felt a huge sense of relief after the experience. During the exercise I took off my clothes piece by piece. Most of the people in our group were decades younger than me. I felt so vulnerable, so exposed, but also loved for who I am today. I let go of useless thoughts and ideas that had plagued me since my teenage years.
As I completed the exercise, I recognized that even after all this time, I was being negatively affected by extreme negative self-talk about my body. It was time to let it go.
You can do this for yourself too. It may seem impossible but it is not. Here are 3 things that have helped me and my clients on the journey to feel alive and express themselves in our skin:
- Realize that you only have one body – this one – during this lifetime. It is your one and only Earth Suit. It is just that – a body that experiences all kinds of feelings and emotions.
- Know that your body is the vehicle for pleasure. When your mind prevents you from experiencing positive sensations because it’s filled with negative self-talk about things (big and small) you don’t like, you can’t experience pleasure. Negative self-talk is like a numbing agent—it numbs you from the pleasant feelings you deserve.
- Accept the fact that you are not perfect. Nobody is. Some of the objectively most beautiful people on the planet are suffocated by body shaming. You don’t have to have a perfect Instagram-worthy body to accept yourself. You are totally imperfect. That’s the name of the game. Enjoy what you have. Today and every day.
I hope this all makes sense to you. If I could wave a wand for you right now that would banish all of your insecurities and body doubt, I would. It would make a big difference in how you feel as a sexual person. But since I can’t do that, I offer you the next best thing. Book a free virtual coffee session with me using this link: https://www.howtofixmysexlife.com/coffeedate.html
Let’s take a zoom or a phone call and see how much progress we can make in freeing you from body shaming once and for all.
You have it.
Ho ho
Joanna
