As relationship coaches, Victoria and I fully understand and appreciate the importance of cultivating a healthy marital relationship. We strongly believe that it is an ongoing journey that requires constant attention and effort, what we call “staying curious”.
While special occasions (such as the New Year) often prompt reflection and introspection, we advocate regular “Relationship Checkups” to maintain a strong and thriving partnership throughout the year.
Regardless of the specific time or occasion, conducting periodic relationship check-ins can really strengthen the bond between couples and elevate their connection to new heights.
Here are ten ideas to help start a conversation about your annual reflection.
Aligned faith practices
A critical aspect we encourage couples to evaluate is their faith. It is important to assess whether their spiritual beliefs and practices are aligned or divergent. Sharing faith practices and actively working toward spiritual growth both individually and as a couple can have a profound impact on relationship strength.
For example, setting specific goals that align with religious practices, such as making time for joint prayers, attending religious lectures together, going to Jummah together, or engaging in charitable efforts within the community, can foster a deeper relationship and to strengthen the joint relations of the couple. spiritual journey.
A couple we worked with, Aisha and Junaid, decided to set aside a specific time each day for joint prayers. This not only became a spiritual commitment but also a common activity that brought them closer together. They also made it a point to attend Jummah prayers together, at least once a month.
Why not give it a trySoul connectionsDownload a digital card designed exclusively for Muslim Couples? It’s the perfect tool to start meaningful faith-based conversations that deepen connection on a spiritual level.
Filling your containers of love
Another important element is the concept of “Love Tanks”, which was introduced by the famous relationship expert John Gottman. This metaphorical representation highlights the importance of emotional connection and fulfillment within a relationship.
Couples should assess whether their emotional needs are being met and consciously replenish each other’s “Love Tanks” by doing acts of kindness, expressing appreciation, and actively listening to each other. These small but significant gestures can go a long way toward overall relationship satisfaction and resilience.
Determined to rekindle their emotional relationship, Sarah and Ahmed commit to consciously filling each other’s love reservoirs. They started with small but meaningful acts of kindness. Ahmed, aware of Sarah’s love of surprises, began leaving heartfelt notes in unexpected places expressing his love and appreciation.
Learn your love languages
Understanding and embracing each other’s Love Languages is vital to a thriving relationship. Gary Chapman’s concept recognizes that individuals express and receive love in unique ways. By aligning with each other’s preferred love language, couples can enhance their ability to express and receive love effectively, fostering deeper emotional connections and a sense of being understood and loved.
Why is love so important? There is a need to be genuinely loved by someone else in all of us. In fact, being loved could be considered one of our most basic and fundamental needs. It turns out that our level of happiness is linked to how we feel loved and cared for.
There is also a need to love and care for others. It is deeply ingrained in all of us because fulfilling this desire also boosts our happiness levels. Discover your Love Language by taking the quiz here.
Health Goals
Initiating shared health goals is another important aspect that can strengthen the bond between couples. By adopting a balanced, halal and tayyib (healthy) diet or incorporating regular physical activity together, couples not only promote physical well-being but also cultivate a healthier lifestyle as a unit. Supporting and encouraging each other’s health aspirations can create a strong sense of unity and shared commitment to overall well-being and longevity.
Amira and Zayd identified daily evening walks as a practical and enjoyable way to stay active while spending quality time together. In addition, they decided to combine their walks with the remembrance of Allah, incorporating a spiritual element into their physical activity.
Exploring Intimacy
Intimacy doesn’t start in the bedroom, no! But rather in the deep emotional connection you cultivate outside of the bedroom. Within the boundaries set by our faith, maintaining open communication about intimate desires, consent, and mutual satisfaction is vital.
Exploring new ways to deepen intimacy can greatly enhance emotional closeness. Reflecting on favorite personal moments from the past year allows couples to recognize and appreciate the relationship they share, intimate moments that positively contribute to the vitality of their relationship.
Emotional support
Expressing emotional support is another key element. By reflecting on instances of emotional support given and received over the past year, couples can recognize and appreciate each other’s efforts to nurture the relationship.
Expressing gratitude and acknowledging the emotional care that is exchanged can foster a stronger emotional connection and create an environment of trust and support. Understanding the power of the hadith: “Whoever does not please people is not grateful to Allah,”* Leila regularly reminded Bilal of his strengths and potential. On difficult days at work, she would leave him encouraging notes at home and send him thoughtful text messages to lift his spirits.
Quality time
Assessing the quality of time spent together, rather than focusing solely on quantity, allows couples to ensure that they are cultivating meaningful relationships. Engaging in activities that promote bonding, such as shared hobbies, meaningful conversations, or pursuing mutual interests, strengthens the emotional connection between partners and enriches their time together.
Mariam and Abid planned weekend hiking trips to nearby scenic locations. This allowed them to enjoy the beauty of nature, breathe fresh air and participate in physical activities together. During their outdoor adventures, Mariam and Amir made a conscious effort to disconnect from their devices to spend quality time together. It also provided an opportunity for them to connect with nature and see the natural beauty of Allah’s creation and glorify Him.
Charity
Assessing our connection to the larger community and exploring ways to deepen our spiritual ties can also have a positive impact on our relationship. Engaging in charitable endeavors and strengthening bonds within the Ummah (Islamic community) can foster a shared sense of purpose and spiritual growth within the relationship, creating a strong foundation based on selflessness and compassion.
Instead of limiting their charitable efforts to occasional events, couples can commit to regularly volunteering at a local soup kitchen, for the homeless, or at the local Mosque.
Dedicated spiritual space
Creating a peaceful and dedicated space within our home for prayer, reading the Qur’an or quiet contemplation can serve as a sanctuary to deepen our spiritual connection. Working together to create or enhance this sacred space reinforces a shared commitment to spiritual growth and strengthens the bond between partners.
Yusuf and Aisha worked together to design and enhance their devotional spiritual space. They chose calming colors, incorporated meaningful Islamic artwork, and chose comfortable prayer rugs to create an atmosphere conducive to calm and reflection.
Consumer habits
Reflecting on our spending habits without blaming allows for open dialogue and understanding. Discussing financial goals, budgeting together, and making joint decisions about expenses builds trust and a sense of shared responsibility, contributing to a healthier financial relationship.
To cultivate a harmonious financial relationship, it is important to create a safe and open space for discussions about money. Instead of assigning blame, approach these discussions with a shared understanding that each person brings unique financial values and behaviors to the table. This paves the way for honest dialogue and lays the foundation for a collaborative approach to managing finances.
conclusion
By delving into these thoughts and engaging in open, respectful discussions, couples can actively cultivate the well-being of their relationship and lay the foundation for a durable and rewarding partnership throughout the year. It is through consistent attention, effort, and dedication that couples can truly thrive on their journey toward a lifelong partnership filled with love, understanding, and growth.
If these questions lead to arguments rather than constructive discussion, consider seeking guidance. Your marriage is an important part of your Deen (faith) and it is vital that you invest in its growth, longevity and happiness. Get in touch and we’ll be happy to help.
May our marriages be blessed with love, understanding and unwavering commitment to draw closer to Allah, Ameen.
Coach Taf and his wife Victoria Matesky are certified relationship coaches who offer a unique, faith-inspired approach to marital coaching by providing sessions together. With their combined expertise, they provide invaluable guidance, new perspectives and support to help Muslim couples repair and strengthen their marriages. For more information about their work, visit: www.teafortwo.uk/thrive
Coach Taf can be found here: www.coachtaf.com
*Sunan Abi Dawud
