How do you plan for the new year when planning is mentally and emotionally draining?
I am writing this a few days after Christmas.
I’m happy. And it sold out.
Holidays can be complicated.
We had my husband’s family visiting from overseas. Their gracious presence was just what my soul needed: good food, conversation and lots and lots of laughter.
But their healing presence reminded me of other relationships that have languished, and how often it’s not only expected but required — in the name of “keeping the family together” — during the holidays to embrace dysfunction, excuse the unforgivable, and let go. ourselves. .
Relationships end because some people would rather live in fantasy than in reality. They want the benefits of close relationships and none of the responsibilities. Those who choose to live in truth and reject the merry-go-round of dysfunction are “awarded” with the bad actor’s medal.
Holding Joy and Sorrow
Seeing the good parts when the not-so-great parts are bursting at the seams is hard.
You may have some secure connections.. but do you relax on them when other connections are broken? Difficult. The hard work of rewiring and rebuilding doesn’t erase the scars (a stimulus, the real-world consequences of others’ free rides in your life, etc.)
Grief can make it hard to notice the beauty around us. As I type this, I’m reminded that I don’t have to choose. You don’t have to choose. We can hold two truths at once.
Inelastic dynamics with some people and life-giving connection with others. Times of healing with one side of the family and no contact with others. Sunshine on your face and tears on your pillow. Both can be recognized – no pressure to dress up or down.
How should one start the new year?
You probably know a person or two who loves to design and implement.
It can you you always ask, “How do I start my new year’s habits?” or “How can I be more mindful this year?” Or maybe you don’t like the whole “new year’s goals” thing.
I am a man of goals. I like to map out the different areas of my life, think about where I want to be in the next twelve months, and draw connections with intentional growth.
In recent years, when healing my physical body and clearing the fog in my brain and life became a priority, strong New Year’s planning and goal setting fell to the bottom of my priority list.
So for the last two years, my focus has been Irene: I listen to my body, honor my seasons and limit stressful pursuits.
2024 will be the first time I do more focused planning. The incurable parts of me said, “You were lazy.” But healing-me says, “You did just fine. You listened to your body, honored your limitations and humanity, operated within your window of tolerance,1 This is what healthy living looks like. This should be the planning of the new year.”
Planning for the New Year: When You Feel Out of Reach
We often forget that “new year planning” that doesn’t prioritize who we are and how we’re doing internally isn’t healthy for us in the long run.
When my soul couldn’t take more than “do your best today”, I was forced to change the way I approach life, including goal setting.
If you are in a period of transition or perhaps need to remember that goal setting isn’t really about achieving, but about inhabiting our lives in ways of honor and living, let me share some tips I’ve gathered along the way:
1. When planning for the New Year felt impossible, I stayed away from people who plan for the New Year and resources (social media, blogs, articles about setting goals or intentions, planners and journals.)
Cutting out those voices was like a breath of fresh air in an airless room. I tend to over schedule and often get stuck in stress and overwhelm. I needed to introspect and protect my peace and healing.
Sometimes, a hard reset is just what is needed. Your needs may vary, but don’t be afraid to give yourself what you need.
2. Discover that Jesus is kind and gentle vs. hurried and angry they taught me it was. The slow realization made it easier to begin to relax being (dwelling in my life vs. numb/desperate attachment.)
3. I read healing books. Some of my favorites were The Lord Is My Courage: Step Through the Shadows of Fear Toward the Voice of Love by KJ Ramsey and This Here Flesh: Spirituality, Liberation, and the Stories That Make Us by Cole Arthur Riley.
Planning for the new year will be different for everyone.
For some, planning will be like showing up, putting one foot in front of the other, doing your best each day and accepting that it’s okay to do it for as long as it takes. (Especially if you also have health issues.)
For others, New Year’s planning will involve building on the initial foundations and building capacity for more, or even taking risks and leapfrogging.
For everyone, New Year’s planning will include recognizing that healthy living honors who we are on the inside.that we can hold two truths at once, and that life can be complex and beautiful at the same time.
Question: Do you have a gentle tool or process that helps you prepare for the new year/seasons? (Keyword is noble) Share it in the comments. For 2024, I’m using Sarah McDugal’s One Word resource, a gentle, healing workshop for survivors of traumatic stress.
If you are looking for clarity or hope for the new year, my book Courage Reflections and Liberation for the Hurting Soul will help. check it Amazon the PDF.
1.”The window of tolerance is a concept originally developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, MD to describe the optimal “stimulation” zone for a person to function in everyday life. When a person operates within this zone or window, can effectively manage and cope with their emotions. For clients who have experienced trauma, it is often difficult to regulate emotions and the arousal zone where they can function effectively becomes quite narrow…” How to help your clients understand their window of toleranceNational Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM)
