They say there are two perspectives in every situation that happens. But we believe there are actually three perspectives as it relates to marriage conflict. There is the perspective of the husband, the wife, and God—in other words, what REALLY happened.
Ultimately, it takes a willingness on the part of both husband and wife to work through these perspectives to find a way to build relationship bridges, rather than walls dividing them. It is also important to seek God’s perspective on all that divides us. When we do this, God can help us find ways to work through our differences to the point of reconciliation. It is important to learn to relate to each other from Of perspective, rather than our own for the rest of our lives!
Perspectives on Marriage Conflict
We serve a God of reconciliation. (See: 2 Corinthians 5:14-20.) He is a God who wants to draw us to Himself, which ultimately draws us to each other. This is especially true since marriage is a living picture of God’s love for His church.
Learning to reconcile with God and each other is what we should have done earlier in our marriage when our relationship was going in a bad direction. And this we still have to do as life bombards our relationship in different ways. No relationship is stagnant. Life happens!
If anyone had talked to Steve during the rough patch in our marriage, he probably would have thought that I (Cindy) was at fault. And if anyone had talked to me during our difficult time, they probably would have thought Steve was the one at fault. We could both paint the picture of what was going on, so personally we look mostly ‘innocent’. Sure, we would have admitted that we had our faults. But somehow we might find our own mistakes justified in comparison to what our spouse did. (At least that was our truth from the way we saw things.)
Us the actions seemed forgivable, but what about our husband’s actions? Usually, we think they should know better!
Evacuation of Egoism
But the point is that with God’s help, and very much emptying ourselves of our selfishness, we were able to marry our two perspectives with God’s perspectives. We found ways to build bridges of compromise and reconciliation. (You can read our testimony at The love story of Steve and Cindy Wright.) We are still working on this mission and will for the rest of our lives, but we have learned a lot that helps us and helps us reconcile our differences.
We once heard it said, “If we try to seek the Light, instead of trying to be right, many of our problems will solve themselves.” And this is true. When we each stop focusing on who is “right” and who is “wrong,” and instead recognize that it happens between us is wrong, we are able to solve this, which separates us.
We can resolve our differences when we sincerely look to the Light of God to help us throw away the garbage we drag into our relationship.
So, in our readings, we came across two related articles on this topic that you might find useful to read. Each article gives different perspectives on the problems a husband and wife faced with each other. We thought you might learn something by reading both of their prospects. So here it is:
Different Perspectives
• Why I Stayed: A Woman’s Focus on God Saves Her Marriage, written by Carla Anne Coroy
• Why I Stayed Too: A Husband’s Focus on God Saves His Marriagewritten by Trent Coroy
On the same subject, there is a book written by Pastor Tim Savage entitled, “No Ordinary Marriage”. In it, he gives an important “principle of marriage” that we would like you to prayerfully consider. He believes (and so do we) that we should approach our marriage and live it for the glory of God.
“When this becomes the guiding thrust of our unions, when the glory of God becomes our primary focus and our greatest love, spouses will follow a trajectory that is clearly upward… Nothing strengthens a marriage like a focus on the glory of the Lord . It’s the tie that ties.”
We wholeheartedly agree. It’s like what Dennis and Barbara Rainey wrote in their book, Moments with you:
“Most Christian marriages are modeled after the world, with a few threads of Christianity woven in. Couples know certain Bible verses. But few apply God’s Word and use it as a defining pattern for their lives. If you want your marriage to be everything God intended, dig deep into His Word. Let it become the source of your life together. Pray for one another that you may remain together in Christ.”
Help with marriage conflicts
In addition, we have many articles, testimonials, Wedding Communication Toolsexcerpts and links to additional sites at Wedding Missions website that can help you with your marriage conflicts. You just need to “Ask, seek and knock” and then apply what God teaches you.
We encourage you to ask God to search your heart and pray:
“Search me, God, and know my heart. test me and learn my restless thoughts. See if there is any offending way in me and lead me in the eternal way.” (Psalm 139:23-24)
Some additional tips come from JB and Shugie Collingsworth:
“If you’re struggling in your marriage, be willing to take action. Do the right thing, believing God all the way. When your strength fails, remember that He has promised to give you His strength. Seek His Word. Humble yourself and be willing to do the right thing. What do you have to lose; What do you have to gain?’
We encourage you to seek the Lord’s perspective in everything you do—especially when you have conflict with one another. And as you do:
“May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.” (2 Peter 1:2)
Cindy and Steve Wright
– ADDITIONALLY –
To help you further, we give many personal stories, humor and more practical advice in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to grow your marriage. We hope you’ll pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both online and in print.) Plus, it makes a great gift for someone else. It gives you an opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or image below:
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