A new year marks a new beginning—a chance to reflect on the past year of your relationship and explore your future together. New Year’s relationship resolutions may be just the spark you need.
Remember that your relationship is constantly evolving as you and your partner spend more time together. Reassess the state of your relationship, paying particular attention to how you both felt about your relationship over the past year. What aspect of your relationship was most satisfying? The most disappointing? Were you sexually satisfied last year? If not, what would you like to see changed? Where would you like to see progress?
Conscious Communication
Communication is essential when discussing these issues, as feelings of resentment can trigger a defensive response. Take turns letting each other talk. Don’t interrupt. Once you’ve had a chance to voice your opinions, respond to the other person’s comments. Avoid targeted suggestive attacks such as “I don’t like the way you…” the “Must…” Instead, make the conversation about your relationship as a whole using positive statements like “I think we could…” the “We have to…” When “you” changes to “we”, the conversation includes both parties. You become a team! Before making decisions about your relationship, here are three tips to consider:
Set realistic expectations
Do your best to think about the things you would like to change and what a realistic change would look like. If you and your partner are struggling, don’t expect change to happen overnight. However, making a long-term commitment to each other is the first step in getting your relationship where you want it to be. Dialogue about where you want your relationship to be in two months, six months, one year….
Break down your goals
Good analyzes include specific details and the bigger picture. While having a stronger relationship may be your ultimate goal, improving your communication about small, everyday things (like your day at work) or how you decide which show to watch together for specific, achievable targets. Breaking your resolutions down into smaller goals makes them less daunting.
Embrace the Process
Focus on means getting to where you want to be, not just the end goal. Improving your relationship is a process. Enjoy the opportunity to get to know your partner on a deeper, more intimate level.
Now that you’re ready to make decisions about your relationship, ask yourself exactly what you want to change. What is most important here is that both of you are equally committed to achieving the same goal. Shared goals can be the foundation for relationships. they can give us a purposeful path that enriches our lives with meaning. To find out if you and your partner are on the same page, sit down together and answer the following questions:
- How can we keep (or bring) the fun back into our relationship?
- How can we spend more quality time together?
- How can we build intimacy, both sexually and emotionally?
- What can we both do to improve our friendship?
- How will we inform each other of our physical and emotional needs?
- How will we handle jealousy, resentment, or competition toward each other?
- How do we handle fights and bring them to a healthy resolution?
- How will we communicate and check in with each other daily?
- What is the most important thing to us in our relationship?
If less than half of your answers match your partner’s, you could use more dialogue. Where do you agree and where do you disagree? Where can you compromise? Find an aspect of your relationship where you share similar goals and discuss how you can both work toward that this year.
New beginnings
As Dr. Stephen Covey once said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, it’s no use trying to get there faster.” Before starting this journey to a better relationship, make sure you and your partner agree on the same path. Resolving relationships is only achieved through mutual effort and communication. We wish you a new year full of love!
