Rachel’s ex-husband was a cheater. He wants to learn how to trust again. Listen as I coach her on the podcast.
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How do you trust again after infidelity? In this episode of the podcast, I guide Rachel, someone I’ve never met before, for a one-time session to discuss how to trust again after cheating. She was married for eleven years to a man who cheated on her many times. The trust was betrayed, he left her for the other woman and the divorce was final last summer. She feels like she came out too soon, but she got some confirmation that she was still attractive and dateable. But what about the man she’s seeing now?
EP 601: Live coaching with Rachel – My Ex-Husband Was a Cheater. How can I trust again?
Episode highlights
Trust is hard to build after cheating. Rachel became hyper-vigilant when she first started dating, questioning everything a man said or did when there seemed to be a discrepancy.
I asked Rachel how she builds trust. He said time will tell. But, this is not enough.
We Discussed Her Relationship With Her Ex: Why Did She Cheat? He was saying mean things behind her back for two years, and when she cheated the second time, he broke up and ended the marriage to be with the other woman. It was devastating.
What drew her to her ex? At first he was charming, tender and romantic. She later learned he was also a narcissist. Ignored the red flags: He told her he had a history of cheating and explained that he had bottomed out before and wouldn’t do it again. He lied about dating an ex-girlfriend. She ignored these red flags, because she thought she was her soul mate.
We talked about her Love Blueprint: Her parents didn’t care. There was no visible confrontation as everything was done behind closed doors. This created unhealthy standards for her romantic relationships, as she had no standards for what healthy relationships looked like.
How has her current “boyfriend” shown her that he is trustworthy? He lives five hours away, so they don’t see each other more than twice a month. At first he seemed all in, then he told her he wasn’t sure he could do a relationship. He said, “I don’t need to be in a relationship. I just need to know you like me.” He said he likes it but is afraid of getting hurt.
Nor is she dating anyone else. But they are afraid of getting hurt if the other person finds someone else. So they don’t define the relationship, even though it’s been seven months.
Rachel’s homework
- What makes you feel safe and builds trust?
- What does it feel like to have your own back?
- Ask him what he needs to build trust and feel safe.
Watch this episode on YouTube
Have you ever experienced infidelity? Did you learn how to trust again? Share your story and suggestions in the comments below.
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