Do you feel love or lust? In this video, you’ll discover 5 ways to tell the difference so you can have healthier relationships.
—
Are you falling in love or lusting? How can you tell the difference? There are several scientifically proven ways to catch it early. In this video, I share five of the top ways to find out if it’s love or lust.
What is Lust?
Lust is an intense attraction to someone. It can help us forge a deep physical and sexual connection, which is essential in a romantic relationship. It can also be emotionally dangerous, especially when we project what we want to see onto someone and put them on a pedestal instead of seeing who they really are – and potentially missing big red flags.
what is love
Love is a basic human need that keeps us connected to the people who matter most in our lives. When we are securely attached to a partner, love involves deep affection, trust, and wholehearted acceptance of the whole person—the good and the not-so-good.
Why is it hard to tell the difference between love and lust?
Both can feel the same in our body and brain at first. But they are fundamentally different, and it’s important to be able to tell the difference because a relationship based on lust alone will likely crash and burn, while a relationship that has a combination of chemistry and compatibility will likely last.
5 ways to tell the difference between love and lust
1. Are you willing to work for the relationship?
When you love someone, you’re willing to have difficult and vulnerable conversations. You want to work on the relationship to help it thrive. Lust is about idealizing the relationship and walking away when the going gets tough.
2. Do you accept your partner’s faults?
Lust loses interest when flaws are revealed. Love accepts the whole person, flaws and all.
3. Is your relationship improving over time?
Love is about growing together, developing trust and commitment over time. Lust is all about immediate gratification.
4. Do you feel secure in the relationship?
Love develops slowly and steadily over time and leads to a feeling of security that you have each other’s back. Lust is impulsive, hot, and often burns quickly. You often feel insecure and anxious.
5. Are there extreme highs and lows in your relationship?
Lust is about extremes – you’re high when you’re together, and when you’re apart, you’re low. Love is more stable and balanced.
Can love and lust coexist?
Yes! In fact, according to Dr. Helen Fisher, a well-known biological anthropologist who researches, writes and speaks about love, lust is the first stage of romantic love.
The 3 stages of love by Dr. Fisher
1. Lust
2. Attraction
3. Attachment
Next time you’re in a relationship, instead of analyzing whether it’s love or lust, check how you are emotion with this person. Is there trust? Can you be your authentic self? Are your values and goals aligned? Your answers will help you know if this relationship is healthy for you and if you should stay or go when dating someone.
NOTE: This video was influenced by this article.
If you’re curious about how coaching can help you deal with issues like confidence, hypervigilance, anxiety, shyness, repetitive dysfunctional dating patterns, and more, let’s talk! I offer a free 45 minute session to anyone seriously interested in working with me. Apply here:
Join the Woman of Value Club where we have a monthly masterclass on topics like this. Learn more and register here:
Join my free Facebook group for women 40+
Check out my books, To become a woman of value. How to thrive in life and love and Choosing Dating Points: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Love Decisions.
Comments
