One of the ways to get the love you want and connect with the people in your life in a deeper way is to let go of past hurts.
Those past hurts you carry can manifest in two different ways…
1. Guilt
Looking back, there are now things you wished for he hadn’t done that caused great pain to others – or perhaps things you wished for he had Done which you didn’t do. Somehow you think that by carrying this guilt, you will make up for what was or wasn’t done.
2. Resentment
Someone did something to you that caused pain and somehow you believe that if you let go of that pain, you will forgive what was done and you will forgive the other person.
So you hang on to the pain and most of the time it’s not even a conscious decision to do so.
Letting go of past hurts seems much easier said than done, but here are some questions for you…
*How much of your life is driven by past pain?
*How often are you held back and not going for what you want because of something that happened in your past?
*How often or how often do you hold back because of a decision you made in the past about how “people are” or how “things are” that may not be true in every situation?
If you’re like most people (including us), you probably hold on to the past more than you think.
And this is one of the biggest challenges that prevent you from having close loving relationships and many of the other things you want in your life as well.
Holding on to the past almost always stems from very specific thoughts you had…
-About how you want or don’t want to relive a certain situation from your past or…
-About what happened never should have happened in the first place.
Very often this was something that happened in a split second, a moment in time, that you found painful. That hurt you.
It was something that was painful enough that you made a decision based on that thought that you believe about that situation that turns into a “strategy” that you live your life by.
It’s a strategy you believe will keep you safe and make sure you never get hurt like that again. Always.
Let’s say you’ve made some “bad” choices in choosing a partner in the past, and when you finally meet someone who seems like a good person, you hold yourself back.
It may not even be conscious, but you think…
“I’m going to keep some walls so I don’t get hurt again like before and these walls will keep me safe.”
Or “I don’t trust this good feeling and just wait for something ‘bad’ to happen – again.”
Another example might be holding onto something your partner or family member did in the past and every time you think about whether, you get angry and push that person away. The holidays are full of stress and anxiety because you will have to see that person again or spend time with them.
While these are “normal” thoughts to have when you’ve been hurt in the past, you don’t have to keep holding them…
Because the truth is that holding on to the past is really impossible.
It is the constant reliving of the memory of the past event that keeps the pain alive, not the event itself.
What people don’t realize is that they accidentally take events that were painful in the past and bring them into the present moment, reliving them over and over in their mind – creating a lot of stress.
This reliving of the past doesn’t allow anyone to get close enough to hurt them in the future – or so they think.
So how do you let go of past hurts to allow and enjoy more love and connection?
You can see a few things for yourself…
1. Your thoughts come and go and while you may not have a choice about which thoughts come, you do have free will which ones you will notice, believe and act upon.
2. You can see that hanging on to your thoughts of past pain doesn’t prevent the pain – it only keeps you in a constant state of intense stress.
3. You can see the illusion of the idea that holding on to past hurts will keep you safe. It only keeps you stuck in misery.
4. You can see that when fears arise, they will pass if you allow them to and don’t act on them.
5. You can start to notice that sometimes you are in a better mood and don’t focus on the past and sometimes you are in a bad mood and the past overwhelms you – and know that everything is okay.
When you see low moods come and go if you allow yourself to calm down and not get caught up in an emotional outburst, they won’t get to you as much.
You can see some light and where there is an opening of light, there is love and connection – with yourself and with others.
When you can allow more lightness, there will be more ease and life will just be full of more happiness.
