Sometimes guys write me and say things like “I don’t want to break up with her even though I feel like the relationship isn’t going well. Aid! What should I do? To separate; When should I break up with my girlfriend?’
Most of the time I answer that it depends entirely on the situation. Because every relationship is unique and different.
I then ask them to give more details about the relationship and what is going on. Like what is wrong with the partner, what do they both do that annoys each other, where does their conflict come from. As well as why they feel they are not getting what they need from the relationship and what needs to change to make things right.
Then I get several emails telling me about the relationship in detail. And I often notice some very common themes that have a large number of relationships.
Some of these problems CAN be solved. But many of them are almost impossible to deal with. That’s when I tell them they absolutely need to break up and stop seeing each other. Because they are simply not compatible and nothing good will come out of the relationship.
So if you don’t want to break up or you don’t know if you should end the relationship, then I will help you. Tell you how to know what’s wrong and what to do about it.
I will also tell you some of the most common reasons when you should consider breaking up and leaving your partner. Because some relationships can’t be saved.
Here’s what to do if you don’t want to get divorced
If you don’t want to break up with your girlfriend but still feel that the relationship is not going well, then you need to understand what is causing most of the problems.
There are many legitimate reasons why you should definitely divorce. Such as cheating, stealing, gross dishonesty, cruelty, violence, abuse and many other things. Because no one should put up with these things from their partner. Obviously, they don’t care about you if they do any of these things.
However, there are also many errors and problems that you can fix. If you both understand them and try to resolve them.
Such as misunderstandings, failed expectations, sexual dissatisfaction, poor distribution of chores and responsibilities. As well as various topics with friends, hobbies, work, school and more. Because all these things can be fixed by compromise or by solving the problems.
Before you part ways, make sure all the essentials are good and covered
Before you decide whether or not you should divorce, find out if you’ve covered all the basics first.
Every relationship will benefit from the following key things: Trust, communication, honesty and mutual understanding.
But apart from that, to maintain a good relationship, you should never stop flirting, teasing, be playful and physical with your partner. And you shouldn’t stop dating because they keep the spark alive. As well as preservation sexual tension so you don’t stop having sex.
Finally, both parties must learn how to satisfy each other sexually. Because a ton of relationships fail due to sexual incompatibility or an inability to satisfy each other.
These are the basics and work very well to maintain most relationships.
Basically, you have to make sure you put in the work. Because relationships require effort to maintain. And that effort must come from both parties, not just one person.
So, if any of the above issues are causing the problem and you are considering a divorce. Then work on fixing them.
To separate; Start to find out what is really wrong
Before you start wondering “Should we break up or not?” – try to understand what is really wrong with the relationship.
To do this, there needs to be OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION.
This is because open and honest communication is one of the cornerstones of a happy, healthy and strong relationship.
I mean, if you’re thinking that you don’t know if you should break up or not – the best thing to do is talk to your partner about your relationship. It’s not rocket science!
And the absolute worst thing would be to ignore the problems and stop talking to each other.
You need to be able to speak honestly and openly to have a chance to fix your problems.
So if you’re not sure why you feel the need to break up, you need to take the time to talk to your partner. So take your girlfriend by the hand, make some tea or coffee and then sit down and TALK about everything.
Tell her you think things aren’t going as well as you hoped. And that you would like to discuss the relationship to understand what the problem is.
If she’s a good partner, she’ll sit down with you and talk to you openly and honestly to try to understand what’s going on.
Don’t blame yourself or her at this point. Your goal is to talk and see where you both might be causing problems for each other. And playing the blame game at this point will derail the whole conversation because one of you will get emotional.
After identifying the problems, discuss them and present solutions. Also, create an emotional connection with her so that she really listens to you.
However, to do this effectively, you both need to first understand what it is that each of you WANT from the relationship. And then what do you both expect from each other.
Finally, find out what you both want and expect from the relationship
This step is critical. You both need to figure out what you want from the relationship and from each other. And also what do you expect from all this.
This is because if your values, goals, ideas and opinions are not really aligned, then it will be very difficult to stay together. Because the most important thing in any relationship is COMPATIBILITY.
If you are not compatible with each other, it will be very difficult to work things out. Since you won’t be on the same page on most issues and want different things from each other and from your relationship.
When guys get a girlfriend with whom they are not compatible, even though they like it, they often think to themselves “I don’t want to break up! I like! But something is wrong! What to do?”
But if you’re just not compatible with each other, there’s usually not much you can do. So you have to break up, even if you don’t want to.
Unless you somehow have a heart to heart and change each other’s opinions about things you don’t see. Which is incredibly difficult.
So, take some time to sit down with the girl you’re not sure if you want to break up with. And have an honest and deep conversation about how things look. And then talk about your values and what you both want. Since you obviously thought it was a high value woman when you meet her and start a relationship with her.
If you don’t know whether you should divorce or not, then this will help you decide.
Why don’t I want to break up?
Finally, if it’s not you but your partner who wants you to break up, it can be hard to let go.
You may care deeply for her, but she’s losing interest in you. So he wants to end things but you don’t want to break up.
In that case, tell her to have a heart-to-heart with you. Tell her about all the important key things in the relationship and ask her where you are not doing enough. The chances are huge that he will tell you. And you can make her wait on the breakup by promising to work hard to make things right.
Then it will be up to you to start displaying all the essentials attractive male characteristics and qualities so he falls in love with you again. To rekindle her interest in you and in continuing the relationship.
That being said, if you don’t see a way to make things right and he has unreasonable expectations of you. Or if her needs are significantly different from yours and you just aren’t compatible with her. Then, even if you don’t want to break up with her, it’s probably the right thing to do.
What if you don’t want to break up?
Now that you know the answer to “Should we break up or not?” – what do you say when you don’t want to do it?
Not much to say other than you still have feelings for her and want to make the relationship work.
Say “I care about you deeply and I still see this relationship going somewhere special. I see us having a great future together, but we need to figure out the things that are driving us so far apart.”
Then it depends on whose fault the relationship is on rocky ground. If it’s mostly your fault, you need to make things right. If it’s her fault, then she needs to work on herself. But more often than not, both parties are at fault, since it takes two to make a relationship work. In this case, use the information above to discuss things.
