Want to learn how to set clear boundaries in dating and relationships? Listen to this episode with boundary experts Jan and Jillian Yuhas.
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Dating boundaries are extremely important. My podcast guests, identical twins Jan and Jillian Yuhas, are relationship and boundary experts. With a background in psychotherapy and family mediation, they are dedicated to solving relationship challenges in every part of life. They are the co-authors of Boundary Badass, a new book designed to empower readers to express their worth, fulfill their emotional needs, and cultivate valuable connections through mastery of boundary setting.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- What are boundaries and why are they so important in dating?
- How to know when to set a boundary with someone you’re dating
- Different types of boundaries
- The difference between a limit and an ultimatum
- Can you change your limits at any time?
- What can people do if someone doesn’t respect their boundaries
EP 604: Jan and Jillian Yuhas – How to set clear boundaries in dating and relationships
Why are boundaries so important to the two of you?
We grew up in a small town and moved to a large metropolitan city. Even though we had strong values, we let people into our lives where our needs weren’t being met. People believed they could push the boundaries in business as well.
How do you set boundaries and why are they so important in dating?
Boundaries are a “we” mentality, not a “me” mentality. Boundaries are important in dating because we try to respect each other. We set the tone for what we are willing to accept or not accept in our relationships. If you value communication and you’ve noticed that the person you’re dating isn’t communicating as regularly, ask yourself and the other person if they can meet your needs.
How do you know when to set a boundary with someone you’re dating?
Set boundaries early on to know if a relationship is worth pursuing. Meeting in a public place is a limit early on. Don’t share your home address or go to their house for a first date. You need to build trust and connection. Also, having sexual boundaries is important.
What are some different types of limits?
- Sexual: know your preferences
- Time: how people spend their time
- Finances: how people spend their money
- Digital: how much time you spend on your devices
- Personal boundaries: how you meet your own needs
- Emotionally: you throw away your baggage or become disillusioned
What is the difference between limits and ultimatums?
Boundaries are a “we” mentality, opening up conversation to bridge the gap between our differences.
Ultimatums force a communication break. It does not allow negotiation. It feels like an attack. If you don’t do x, I will. She is controlling and threatening.
Can you change your limits at any time?
At some point in the relationship, you may have set boundaries that have now been exceeded, especially as the relationship has grown and deepened. For example, if someone texts too much during the day, you can ask for a morning or evening text instead, or increase communication as the relationship progresses.
What can people do if someone doesn’t respect their boundaries?
Use a sentence stem like, “Can you help me understand why ________ instead of __________?” Be curious first when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries. Find out why. If it’s a big boundary and they don’t listen to you, reevaluate how this person fits into your life.
What are your final tips for anyone looking to go on their last first date?
Allow yourself to get to know someone over time. Don’t rush the process. Find out if they can meet your needs based on your values and discover their values. Otherwise it will block the process. If we have at least three of our top five values, it will likely be successful.
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