For better or for worse, till death do us part. Whenever you start to wonder if you should stop fighting for your marriage, This it’s what your inner voice is telling you.
After all, those were the commitments you made when you walked down the aisle, said your vows, and signed the marriage certificate. You promised to fight for your marriage, support your partner no matter the circumstances, and love them unconditionally for life. But life is not easy. Love isn’t easy and sometimes you feel like giving up.
But how do you know when to stop fighting for your marriage?
How do you know when enough is enough? When is it time to finally give in and call it quits?
Well, the truth is, there is no easy answer.
(Unless you are a victim of domestic abuse — physical, emotional, sexual, or financial — take the appropriate steps to get help and find local resources.)
Marriages can be difficult. There are good days and bad days. Ups and downs, rights and wrongs. There are moments you will never forget and moments you will want to forget.
There may be days, months, or years that you drift away. And there will be times when you’ve never been closer.
All marriages take work. They are a solid choice for both parties. You don’t wake up every morning for 50 years happy and in love. You have to put in the work.
When you fight for your marriage, it takes courage. It takes hard work, communication and persistence. Just like anything you want to excel at, it takes commitment. For better or for worse, till death do us part.
No one ever said marriage would be easy. You may love your partner more than anything, and they may love you right back, but that doesn’t simplify the road ahead. However, it makes it worth it.
WWhen you have someone you love deeply, and that person loves you, you should fight for your marriage.
Finding a partner that you love and who returns that love is an achievement. Some go their entire lives without understanding what it’s like to love and be loved. It is excellent and should be appreciated. But that doesn’t mean it will survive in life.
Life is full of huge ups and downs and sometimes love doesn’t survive. It could be the loss of a child, the inability to have a child, the loss of a parent, substance abuse issues, abandonment, lust, or any number of other things that life throws your way.
You can’t stop fighting for your marriage because life gets in the way.
Life will always be full of trials. As a partner, you must choose love. You have to choose your marriage. And you must communicate your needs.
Is one time enough with your husband?
Do they help at home?
What is standing in your way mentally, physically, or emotionally from being fully in your marriage?
Where do you see your bond breaking? And how can your partner show their love for you better or support you more?
How to know when it’s time to stop fighting for your marriage is the hardest question of all and not easily answered. There’s no definitive way to say it – not a simple ‘if you tick these boxes, it’s over’. On the other hand, many marriages on the verge of divorce, or even a divorce, miraculously survive.
There is always a chance to save your marriage – if you are willing to work for it.
So how do you know when it’s time to stop fighting and call it quits?
Here are some questions to ask yourself to see if your marriage still has a chance.
Is there a part of you that still loves your partner?
Loving your partner is the foundation of your marriage’s success. Although it can be hard to recognize sometimes because you are divorced. However, if the love is still there, then your marriage has a chance. Remember, love doesn’t always mean having butterflies together. The love we often see in movies is rarely the persistent reality of love.
Love can look different depending on the people involved. So you may have to dig deep to recognize – and perhaps remember – what love means to you. What are the things that made you fall in love with your partner? Is still there; What makes you second guess your marriage?
Does your partner still love you?
This is big. Sometimes our partners don’t fall in love with us. On the continuum of love, where do you think your partner is? Are they willing to work on things? Have you explained what you need from them and are they willing to try? Do they want to support your goals and dreams?
Have you talked openly about your feelings with them?
You can’t stop fighting for your marriage without really giving your partner a chance to fully understand your needs. If your partner loves you and wants to work on things, then it’s not time to give up.
Was there infidelity in the marriage?
If there was, you both he needs to do the work to analyze why the infidelity happened if you want true healing. Figuring out the “reasons” or leaving it unexplored does neither of you any good. Instead, it will leave you with unhealed wounds and new trauma, and may lead to it happening again.
So if there has been infidelity, it doesn’t mean you stop fighting for your marriage. It just means you have to work hard and be willing to forgive. Neither is easy, but both are worth the effort.
WHas hat made you consider giving up the fight for your marriage?
Sometimes when we have kids and get caught up in everyday life, we realize how hard marriage is. Maintaining a career, raising a child, and making time for yourself and your partner can be overwhelming. It can be hard to see a way out when we allow it to go on for weeks, months, even years. You might think it’s too far to save, but have you tried?
Writing down why you’re unhappy can help you better understand what will help you be happy. So whether you’re going to stay and try to work through your marital difficulties or part ways and move on separately, clarity will help you move forward.
To stop fighting for your marriage, you need to know that you did everything you could.
Walking away from a marriage is not easy at all. It’s even harder when you’re not sure you did everything in your power to achieve it. If you choose to stop fighting for your marriage, you should walk away knowing you gave it your all. You have to understand that the love that was once there just isn’t there anymore.
Only when you sincerely and wholeheartedly invest every ounce of time and possible resources into saving your marriage, and you are both deeply unhappy, can you walk away from your marriage without the possibility of regret. And sometimes, even during this distance, you may realize what your partner really means to you and find your way back.
Mary Ellen Goggin offers relationship coaching for individuals and collaborates with her partner Dr. Jerry Duberstein to offer private accommodations to couples. To learn more about working with Mary Ellen, contact her here.
