“I can live two months on a good compliment.” – Mark Twain
Compliments: The Power of Compliments and How to Give Them
compliments someone else is one of my favorite things to do. If I see something I like about a person, I say so right then and there. Even people who have a hard time giving compliments love it when someone notices something special about them! You can compliment people you just met on a first date or your partner of 30 years. It’s never too early or too late to start showing your appreciation and gratitude for others.
With couples, I’ve noticed that they often hesitate to compliment each other. No offense ladies, but you are worse than men. Most men rarely hear that they are sexy, look good, or smell good. I have a theory that most women are so incredibly preoccupied with how they look that they fail to look up and see who is right in front of them. Or some women say they didn’t know their partner needed the reassurance, “I thought he just knew I thought he was handsome.”
Even if we know our partner thinks we look, smell, taste good. it’s so nice to hear it out loud. I’m not suggesting excessive praise or that compliments are the only positive interaction you can have with your partner. What I am suggesting is that you should take the time to notice how beautiful they look and tell them so. Or if you feel happy to be around them and excited to have them as your partner, say so! In the hilarious The Harvard Sailing Team came up with ‘Boys Will Be Girls’, they even joke about how women expect “endless and personalized compliments every five seconds to the second”….I don’t recommend this. Although, this shows how socially, women expect and usually receive more compliments than men.
I once worked with a client whose wife kept saying over and over that she wanted to be more vocal about how she felt about her, especially about how she looked. In sessions we did without her in the room, she would tell me she thinks she’s so beautiful. We would even explore the last time she thought she looked incredible. She described, “She was getting dressed for our dinner with friends and she wore this tight, red dress. Her hair was perfect and she was wearing those big high heels…she looked so good!” Although he was aware of his desire for her, he struggled to get the compliment out of his mouth.
Many daters also struggle with timing and how to compliment their date. Sometimes there’s a fear that giving a compliment might make you look needy or desperate. I say NO! If you’re on a first date with someone and you like them, you probably think they’re hot and want to see them naked. Let your desire be there. Share with them that you think they look “beautiful” or “beautiful”. Depending on how the energy is going on the new date, it might not be time to share that you want to strip and lick them from head to toe, but you can definitely express how attracted you are to this person.
If you’re having trouble noticing what you like or find sexy in your partner, see if you can consciously take a few days to look for lots of things you like. Then tell them.
Remember: most people have trouble getting a compliment. If you say it, and he seems to run right away, try not to brush off the compliment for you. Over time, your partner will get much better at hearing how amazing and sexy they are.
Some of my favorite compliments I’ve gotten:
- You look very nice today.
- It’s really fun to hang out with.
- You have such a great ass.
- You have a wonderful touch.
- I think you have great hair.
- I love your curves, they suit you.
- You are so much fun to play with.
- I like the way you dress.
- You have beautiful eyes.
- Great insight!
As you can see from the list above, this is not rocket science. It’s actually quite simple.
Happy compliment!
– Kili
Also posted on BetterSexEd.org
Featured image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici via FreeDigitalPhotos
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