Learn how to break free from one-sided relationships in this podcast episode with relationship coach, Trevor Justice.
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Trevor Justice is a relationship coach specializing in anxious attachment relationship skills and author of Attract Love and Respect: 5 Ways to Be Valued in Your Relationships. It empowers world-pleasing women and “good guys” to come first for a change, leaving disappointment and frustration behind.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- Why Common Dating Advice Like “Play It Cool” And “Let Them Set The Pace” Are Often Wrong
- What anxiously attached people should never say when they hear from a slow-to-respond partner
- How to Empathize When You Stand Up for Yourself Instead of Upsetting Your Partner
- When you please and please your partner it can backfire
- How to break free from one-sided relationships and be appreciated instead of taken for granted
EP 593: Trevor Justice – How to get rid of one sided relationships
Why are common dating tips like “Play it cool” and “Let them set the pace” so often wrong?
If you play it cool and don’t ask for too much and please people, you let others come first and teach them to prioritize what they want over what you want. They can take you for granted. Expressing your needs shows that you value yourself. I call these “moments of truth”. Don’t minimize your needs.
What should people stuck with anxiety never say when they hear from a partner who is slow to respond?
Anxiety-affiliated people value close contact. If you’re stressed and your partner is slow to respond to a text, it’s helpful to recognize that your anxious mind is distorting your thoughts. You might assume the worst. Instead of repeatedly texting or calling, write the diary first. When talking to your partner, don’t start with accusations or accusations. Start with curiosity about what was happening to them. You want to know if they are willing to accommodate your needs in the future.
How can you evoke empathy when you stand up for yourself, instead of upsetting your partner?
You can induce empathy using the ‘magic formula of request’. The first step is vulnerability. It helps people have compassion for you. Use words like, “There’s something I want to talk to you about and I’m nervous about bringing it up.” The next step is to guess what their needs might be so your partner doesn’t feel attacked. “I imagine you need _______ and feel happy _____________.” He’ll probably correct her if she’s wrong, which is great because he feels seen and heard. Then express your positive feelings when your needs are met. “When you stay next to me at the party, I feel happy and safe.” Then share negative feelings. “When you leave alone, I feel lonely and sad.” The last step is “Would you be willing to stay next to me in the future the next time we go to a party?”
How can you break free from one-sided relationships and be appreciated instead of taken for granted?
When you feel the fear but express your boundaries and needs, you create a two-sided relationship. Or teaches your heart that you deserve better. When you think you are not lovable, something is wrong with you, you are not enough, you are afraid to set a limit. We help people embrace and replace so they can have the love they deserve and desire.
What are your final tips for anyone looking to go on their last first date?
People value you as much as you value yourself. Things will come organically on the date. Maybe you want the person you’re dating to be generous. Show them what you need. You’ll see what they do, and the sooner you undo things, the better.
Watch this episode on YouTube
Connect with Trevor
Free Gift “Change Who You Attract and How They Treat You” https://get.attractloveandrespect.com/change-who-you-attract
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/attractloveandrespect
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