End the relationship when you are asked to change who you are
When someone loves you, they love you for who you are right now. He accepts your flaws and probably loves you for them. He doesn’t even see the nose you wish you had redone years ago. No. I take it back, he sees it and can’t imagine why you would want to change it.
But when someone criticizes you to get in better shape or get a better job, it’s time to think about whether this is right for you.
Asking someone to use less salt when cooking or to avoid eating the peanuts that will surely send you to the ER is fine. This doesn’t fundamentally change who you are.
But when someone tells you that you’re not good enough for them the way you are, that’s about them. If you I want to lose twenty pounds, take it, but do it why you you want to do it to improve your health or burn off stress.
He is supportive when things are good
Tanya and Brent have been together for several years. They had recently bought a house together and seemed to be a great couple. Then Tanya got a new boss at work and he was a tyrant. In addition to his poor management skills, he was new to the company and many of the things he told Tanya about were incorrect.
Tanya came home from work stressed to the max. She wanted a hot bath, a margarita and some candles so she could decompress. She expected Brent to be her rock.
Instead, Brent looked for someone new. Not two days ago, they appeared to everyone as a happy, loving couple. If they got somewhere apart, he’d follow her home, get her gas, and be there for her, but once the sh*t went down, he looked for a new relationship.
Your husband should support you when things are good and when they are bad. If you hit a rough patch in your life, a loving partner wants to help in any way they can. If he brings you a new margarita while you’re crying in the bathtub, so be it. He is there with a new salted glass full of margarita.
When he’s only there to share the good times but disappears or when things are at a low ebb, it’s time to think about ending things.
You may need to end the relationship when trust is broken
I say you may you need to end the relationship because is it is possible for a couple to overcome the loss of trust often caused by an affair. The problem is, you both have to agree to do some couples therapy to get there. Only a professional can guide you in restoring your confidence like no other.
Trust is essential to any healthy relationship and when it’s gone, everything else disappears with it. You feel unloved, unsupported, unheard, unobserved and many other things.
Trust is not broken only by affairs. It also breaks when promises are not kept. He promised to get close in six months, but it’s been nine months, and he’s not even trying to do what needs to be done to be able to make this move.
He promised to attend your big family event, but at the last minute he re-committed.
Maybe he promised to take you on a long vacation or move in with you, but delay after delay prevents that from happening.
You can only make and break so many promises before all trust is broken.
End the relationship when he shirks every single one of your family commitments
Your husband doesn’t have to like your sister to attend her birthday party. It’s there for you, not her. They are there to be your support system and your friend.
If your friends and family question the existence of your man, you may have a problem. Hanging out with each other’s friends and family is part of being in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if his mother is always comparing you to his other girlfriends, be tough and be there for him. Of course, in that case, you have every right to ask him to talk to her, but that’s a different problem.
The thing is, when you’re a couple, you suffer through friendship and family events for the greater good of your relationship.
The caveat is that this is mutual. If you want him to get into your stuff, you have to get into his.
You cannot express your needs without negative Fallout
You should never feel guilty for needing something, nor be scolded for it or told you are crazy. Everyone has their moments when, no matter what they are, you need to be pampered.
Going back to Tanya and Brent for a moment, Tanya needed support. She wanted nothing more from Brent than to be there with another daisy when she needed it, to turn the hot water back on, or bring new candles when the old ones burned out. She needed to feel heard, loved and supported. Instead, she found someone who wasn’t having a hard time in her life.
When you’re there for someone, you’re there. He shouldn’t be telling you how dumb it is to want to be there for your mother when she’s going through something difficult. They should be there to support you when you find out that your childhood dog has died.
But sometimes, people are so wrapped up in their own things that they can’t see the needs of others. If it’s temporary, fine, but if it’s an ongoing problem, it’s probably time to end the relationship.
