In this episode of Breathe love and magic podcast, author CK Kelly Collins talks about her book The slide effect to the right and ha journey on how to break free and find happiness after divorce. You will definitely learn something new!
Total Life Makeover
Along with her divorce, Kelly decided to sell her publishing business which was another core part of her identity, along with being a wife and mother. This left her reeling and needing to completely rebuild her life.
After a few years of hard treatment, she embarked on a year-long journey to write her book. He met many wise people and enjoyed a wide range of experiences.
Naturally, Kelly started dating after her divorce. We talked about how dating after 50 is a lot different than when you’re young. Since starting a family is no longer a concern, you can focus on how a man treats you if you have fun together, share the same values, and have a similar lifestyle.
The swipe to the right effect
Next, I asked Kelly about her new book, The swipe to the right effect and tell me what it is about.
She began by saying it was a “pay-it-forward” book, sharing all the wonderful advice, patience and love she got from friends and strangers about healing after the divorce and rebuilding her life.
As she traveled, she began a process of gratitude, recalling and reflecting on the tips and how they changed her life. Each chapter tells a different story of where she was when she got the advice, what her friend said, and then each friend’s story as well. They are all incredible women. How to get unstuck is the underlying issue.
We also talked about how you can have different friends for different reasons. Some friends just want to gossip, some may want to play golf or go out to lunch, and some may want to get deep into conversation that explores the world inside and out.
Choose yourself – Take care of yourself
The swipe to the right effect it’s a takeoff on dating apps and swiping right to choose who you want to date. However, the book is about choosing yourself. Working on yourself and learning to love yourself again – that’s how you break free and build a new life.
Looking back, she realized how terribly stuck she had been after the divorce, and confiding in her single friends helped her find the understanding she needed.
It’s so important to have your own life and be happy with it before you start dating. This makes you much more attractive to men. If you make a man focus solely on and hope for a better life, it puts pressure on him and is energetically unattractive.
In my opinion, the last thing you want to do is try to fill a hole in your life with a guy. As a dating coach for 20 years, I can say that it’s a recipe for disappointment and disaster.
Kelly wants you to work on yourself post-divorce before jumping back into the dating pool. Very wise.
He knows this now because he didn’t take the time to recover or heal before coming out. Jumping in with both feet right after the divorce, Kelly didn’t get to know herself, think about what she wanted or what would work for her. This makes it difficult to find lasting love with a quality man.
How to Detach – Love yourself first
Kelly strongly recommends looking in the mirror and saying “I love you” every day before you start dating because you have to love yourself first. Louise Haye would certainly agree! As trivial as it sounds, this is a necessary step.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that you can’t meet the kind of quality men you desire if you don’t love yourself first. You just can’t fix your life with a new guy. So you may not be resonating with the frequency you want to attract lasting love.
First you have to love yourself and create a life you enjoy. Then you add a love relationship and connect to a much higher level of Emotional Intelligence.
Kelly points out that it’s necessary to learn how to reframe situations or thoughts so that when you come into contact with reminders of your ex that upset you, you react less, accept what is, and heal from it in order to be in a more neutral place. Talk about getting unstuck!
Discover what makes you happy
Writing down what makes you happy is a very simple but powerful exercise that helps lift your mood. You don’t need to make a vision board with pictures, you can just list what makes you smile.
This is a dynamic method that helps you STOP thinking about the past and START thinking about the future and what makes you happy! This is the perfect example of CHOOSING YOU vs. letting your power drain away as an angry victim.
Don’t get us wrong – of course you have every right to feel angry. But at some point, you have to work through it to move forward to find happiness again.
Constant change is evolution
Things in life today are constantly changing. You have to grow, move and reshape yourself. You have to pivot, adapt and deal with new things that come up, which happens so fast today.
How many people live in the same house for 30 years, or hold down a job, or stay in a relationship? Things are changing and may indicate that you are growing and adapting! That’s not a bad thing – it’s evolution.
Kelly went through a long process of forgiveness. She had to work on forgiving her ex. But she also had to find a way to forgive herself for staying in a miserable marriage for so long and looking back, thinking about so much wasted time.
She had to love and accept herself for who she was at the time and who she is today as a result of who she was then. This is an incredible step forward!
It’s time for adventure and fun
Figuring out how to get unstuck doesn’t have to be difficult. At some point, depending on your healing process, you can start to have fun and see things as an adventure. Creating a new life can be enjoyable and very rewarding!
What if the horrible things that happened to you made room for something new and wonderful in your life now?
This is where Kelly comes back to talk about gratitude. For example, she is grateful that her husband and she had a good retirement fund so she could travel for a whole year and heal.
Give yourself a chance to find what is good in your life right now. Make this your practice, along with self-love and forgiveness, and this is a powerful recipe for happiness.
Get Kelly’s Free Gift – You can read The Preference and Chapter 1 of her book at her website. It also has a free tip sheet that you can download – 10WaysToGetUnstuck.com
BIO – CK “Kelly” Collins
CK “Kelly” Collins was an award-winning publisher and owner of a hyperlocal new publishing company when she decided to divorce, retire and sell her company and change her life.
Believing that travel feeds the soul and grows the heart and mind, Kelly embarked on a journey to write her book, The Right-Slide Effect: The Power to Unstick. Her journey took her to Buenos Aires, Patagonia, Portugal, Spain, Italy, Utah and the Grand Canyon.
Kelly grew up in Nashville but now lives in Rhode Island. This book is the first in a four-part series, so stay tuned!
Free for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her personal development skills and spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering it keys to event and average dating agefounded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live a dynamic and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a certified life coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She is his hostess Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC and Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com and Connecticut Magazine among others. Ronnie is also the author of 6 books available at Amazon.