Getting married is arguably the most important decision you will ever make in your life. Why; Because it will affect ALL areas of your life in the future.
“… they have taken a firm covenant from you.” (An-Nisa 4:21)
Allah says that marriage is a “fixed covenant” where husband and wife have taken an oath to take care of each other faithfully and go through all the ups and downs of life together from this point on.
So the trajectory of your next chapter in life can be completely changed with just this single decision.
For example, if you marry someone who lives in another country, you may need to migrate. If your spouse has an opposite personality than yours, you may need to adjust your lifestyle to live harmoniously etc.
You may even discover a whole new side of yourself as you grow in your marriage. The it can quickly go very well or very badly from the start.
So it’s completely understandable that we would have more fear and anxiety in the creation this BIG commitment in life.
One of the biggest fears we can have in marriage is that we will never find a decent enough husband to be married to in this day and age.
With all the chaos in the world – the pandemic, the lack of quality the exercise of Muslim men and the increasing number of divorces every day – it can make us we feel extremely disappointed wondering if we will ever be happily married.
So that’s what I’m going to try to tackle today – the fear of thinking you’ll never find it the right man to marry.
1. Allah can make it happen tomorrow – no problem
First, what you really need to focus on is the power of Allah. If Allah can create you from nothing, he can find you the right husband in no time.
Wave wave wave. “His command says in this only when He intends something, “Be” and it is.” (For Sin 36:82)
It could be tomorrow. No problem.
But the question is, are you ready? Are you really ready to be a husband and wife? Or you just are anticipating the idea of being loved and cared for by a gentleman?
Are you fully aware of all the roles you have to play once you become a husband? This leads me to my next point.
2. Understand that Allah knows you better than anyone
“… You may dislike something that is good for you and like something that is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.’ (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
If you are not married yet, then Allah knows that this time is best for you to stay free. Otherwise he would bring your husband before your eyes.
Maybe He wants you to get closer to Him before you get married. To focus on yours tadabbur, Quran reading, tahajjud and salah to get closer to Him and build your first the relationship with Him.
3. Get ready
Maybe you’re not really ready to be a husband, but you just don’t know it yet. So try to increase your knowledge.
Learn what is required to have a successful Islamic marriage. Learn as much as you do may about the stories of the marriage of the Prophet Muhammad saw from Serah.
There are so many gems to explore.
4. Relax
“… They planned, but Allah also planned. And Allah is the best planner.” (Al-Anfal 8:30)
Maybe Allah is planning a much more important event to happen in your life first You are getting married. Who knows?
So just relax.
5. Get comfortable with the idea of being single for a while
“Do not falter or grieve, for you will have the upper hand if you are true believers.” (Ali Imran 3:139)
It’s simple, really. If you can be comfortable being single, it means you are truly at peace with yourself and in a state where you are truly happy with yourself ZOE.
The most important thing you can focus on right now is your relationship with Allah. Read more Quran, attend tadabbur lessons. Who knows, when you search sincerely Allah may allow you to cross paths with your future husband along the way.
It can happen, right?
At the same time, try to nurture the relationships you have in your life, family, friends, relatives etc.
6. Play with the idea of a happy marriage
Once you dive into Seerah and have some idea or inspirations from the stories of Prophet Muhammad’s marriage, play with the idea of your own happiness Marriage.
I personally love the marriage of Khadijah RA and Rasulullah SAW more. These they seem like the perfect couple. I can’t imagine a more perfect couple than them.
What does a happy marriage look like to you?
What does your husband do for you everyday? What are you talking about? How to do you show him your love?
When you look at the people in your life, your friends and family members, what do you do? love for their marriage? Who do you admire the most? Try to think what it is that they do at their wedding.
7. Put it in your Duas
As you gather more information that allows you to have a clearer vision of your happy marriage, you can start putting it into your showers.
Make a whole list or a whole essay, no problem.
Allah has the power to perform any miracle.
8. Ask for help
If you live under a rock and no one knows you exist and that you are looking for a husband, you haven’t done your part in looking for a husband.
If you have a wali (father, brothers or male relatives), you can ask for their help searching for a suitable spouse.
If you do not have a wali or for some reason they are not available, please contact your area mosque or Islamic center. There are people there who can help you with these matching processes insyaAllah.
These days, you can even go online and search for a spouse from all over the world. But be sure you go to a reputable site. I recommend halfourdeen.com.
It has a high success rate and the entire matching system is compatible with it syariah so as not to go into sin while trying to seek halal.
conclusion
“Man is by nature hasty. I will certainly show you My Marks. Don’t ask Me to be hasty.” (Al-Anbiya 21:37)
I know you feel like you are running out of time and sometimes the search can leave you feeling helpless. Do not lose hope.
Allah always takes care of you. He knows what is best for you right now. Trust His timing and just relax.
Find more exciting things to do and keep pursuing your other goals. InsyaAllah it the right man will come to you at the right time.
