If you want a deeper connection with your partner, listen to this podcast episode with Bryan Reeves. Upload your relationship today!
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Bryan Reeves is back on the podcast, talking about cultivating a deeper relationship with your partner. A former US Air Force Captain, he is an internationally renowned Author and Life/Relationship Coach focused on supporting men to have better lives and relationships. His viral blog has been read by over 50 million people worldwide. He is the co-founder of Elevate Your Relationship, a live coaching program for men ready to improve their relationships. He is the co-host of the popular podcast, “Men, This Way” and the author of his newest book, Choose it every day (or leave it).
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- Why the article “Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)” resonated with so many people
- The three stages of love and relationships
- Who pays on the first date?
- What men can do to make women feel safer
- What Women Can Do When a Man Walks Out to Invite Him Back (Without Sacrificing or Losing Herself)
EP 601: Bryan Reeves – How to Cultivate a Deeper Connection with Your Partner
Your book “Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her)” started with an article that went viral. Why do you think this article resonated with so many people?
I wrote the article in 2015 and it struck a chord with me because it was written by a man who was waking up to my responsibility in relationships. It was unique at the time for a man to own his role in the dysfunction of the relationship. The title and focus also hit a nerve. It validated the experiences many people have had.
What are the three stages of love and relationships?
The three stages of the relationship are:
- Codependency: When we are born, we depend on another human being to keep us alive, or we will die. In our younger years, our lives depend on others. Many of us fail as adults to move on to the next stage. In relationships, it’s a power struggle. “I need you to be okay.”
- Independence: Who are we independent of our family system? We adapt as children to exist in our families, but we become independent as we separate from our families. Who am I? What are my boundaries and values, my needs in relationships? Many couples find it difficult to firmly navigate their independence while in a relationship with someone else. We share power. We are negotiating. “I don’t need anyone. I got it, you got it.”
- Interdependence: We are two independent people existing together. We are in society and we allow each other to need each other because we know what we need. “I can allow myself to need you.”
You say it’s men’s fault that women feel insecure. Why is this and what can men do to make women feel safer?
Many men are taught that their prime directive is not to hurt women. But they turn into a good guy who doesn’t assert himself and his needs, trying not to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable. This nice guy syndrome makes women feel insecure because they can’t be trusted in their lack of authenticity and ownership of their boundaries. He needs to talk more and assert himself.
Is there anything women can do when a man leaves the relationship to invite him back (without sacrificing or losing herself)?
I call it MCS – Male Checkout Syndrome – when a man stays physically but checks out mentally and emotionally. The woman can’t “take” him back, but she can invite him back by giving him feedback, not criticism. If he criticizes, he will be shut down. If you give him feedback, which is a vulnerable disclosure of what happens to you in his presence (I miss you, I feel lonely), he will find him. Give it positive feedback.
Have a chapter on who pays on the first date. Can you share your thoughts on this controversial topic?
It depends on which stage you come from. When I was stuck in stage 2 of relationships, I usually paid, but I judged a woman because she didn’t offer to pay or split the bill. At the time, that’s what I wanted. That changed in my late thirties when I asked myself what I wanted from a relationship and what women wanted from me. In stage 3, I wanted a relationship with a woman who could receive my gifts and feel good whether I wanted to see her again or not.
What are your final tips for anyone looking to go on their last first date?
Be clear about what you want. Be willing to say it up front. Be willing for your date not to share your vision. Be willing to give early feedback and set boundaries.
Watch this episode on YouTube
Connect with Brian
Facebook http://www.facebook.com/bryanreevesofficial
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Tik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@bryanreevesinsight
YouTube http://www.youtube.com/c/BryanReevesOfficial
Website https://bryanreeves.com Book
Free gift: 7 Free Videos: Enlightening Ideas to Beat Jealousy, Argue Better, Become (Authentically) Sexier, and Love Deeper. Value: $97 https://bryanreeves.com/7videos/
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