Men are highly motivated to make their women happy.
Notice I didn’t say “some men” or “most men”, just “men”. That’s because in my research where I asked thousands of men how important it is that their wife is happy, they ALL said the same thing.
That ‘It’s the most important thing’, ‘Everything’, ‘It’s of the utmost importance’ or in the UK they said ‘It’s imperative’.
In other words, everyone wanted to feel like their wife’s hero.
You might even think, like me, that your man is one of those rare men who doesn’t have a hero instinct. Many of our students thought so too, but I’m happy to say we were all wrong.
If you were raised to be independent so you don’t need a hero because you can do everything for yourself, then you may be unwittingly sabotaging your man’s chances of being your hero.
Here are 5 ways to turn on the hero gene:
1. Expect the best from Him
All heroes have their kryptonite, and questioning your man’s ability because you’re afraid he’ll make a mistake is a surefire way to make him weak.
Phrases like “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” or even “Watch out!” he expects the worst and makes his superpowers fade.
Do you show that you trust him and think he’s smart? This will supercharge his hero instinct. If he thinks he can fix the plumbing, activating his hero instinct would be to say “You’re so good at fixing things,” not “What if you make it worse?”
2. Be receptive
If your hero offers you his jacket when it’s cold, or wants to buy you an expensive gift, or take you to the part of the hike where there are warblers, and you say, “It’s okay—I’m fine,” you just poured cold water on it. his heroic instinct.
Last Saturday John was staying with his brother who had just had an operation but he wanted to get up early and come home to make me my tea as usual. I was tempted to say I shouldn’t, but instead I accepted and he became my hero that morning, and I felt like a Disney princess.
3. Let him solve your problems
Another way to activate your man’s hero instinct is to ask to borrow his brain to solve your problems. Your problem may be that the morning routine with the kids before school and work is too stressful to manage on your own.
Or you may have a challenge at work that you don’t know how to solve.
Sure you could make it, soak it all up, and figure it all out on your own without triggering his hero instinct, but then you’d both miss out on a chance to feel good—he’s your hero and you’re getting the support need, like all people.
4. Let go of your guilt
If you feel too guilty about letting your hero take care of the kids while you sleep late, even though he offers, crush his hero instinct.
Whether you think it costs too much or you should be able to handle things yourself, being seen as your hero can be uncomfortable if you feel undeserving.
To activate his hero instinct is to push through the guilt to the point where you are pampered beyond reason.
5. Express your desires in a way that inspires him
Finally, one of the most effective ways to activate your husband’s hero instinct is to tell him what you would love by describing an end result, not how it happens or who does it.
To express your desires, you must know what you desire.
For example, I said, “I’d love to put up all those 4th of July decorations I ordered in our house.” And John put out Independence Day pretzels and a banner and a race because he knew it would make me happy.
And he does! It looks so cute!
It’s hard to say who gets more enjoyment out of the deal because we both get what we want. I have a hero and he will be.
Now that you know all five, what’s one way you can let your man be your hero today?
By Laura Doyle
