Engagement is a pivotal moment in a couple’s life and comes with a lot of excitement and anticipation. However, this glorious moment can be shattered when someone says, “I’ll say, ‘I do,’ ’til marriage do us part?” It’s not really nice ring in this. So what is a prenup and how should we deal with this highly controversial topic as believers?
The history of the prenuptial agreement (prenup) dates back to ancient Egyptian times and was often used as a means of caring for a widow. According Brody Friedman, matrimonial and family law lawyers, these contracts were drawn up to protect the wealth and property that came from both the bride and groom’s family. Due to arranged marriages back then, a bride was given a dowry and a groom had to pay her family to marry her. This marriage contract was designed to ensure that she would have rights to wealth and property if her husband died.
Fast forward to today. These marriage contracts have since been met with some skepticism, but have become rather common since divorce laws began to change in the early 1950s (Wikipedia). Now, we’re seeing a different evolution of what marital agreements entail, as the prenup states how money, possessions, and assets should be shared in the unlikely event that a couple separates and divorces.
This “agreement” not only has a very bad connotation these days, but it can cause mistrust and mixed feelings, especially among Christian couples. Rightly so, as believers, we believe that a marriage is meant to be a lifelong enterprise, sacred and holy under God (Mark 10:8-12). That said, placing a prenup would diminish the most favored human relationships, treating it more like a contract than a covenant (Matthew 5:32).
However, it may be worth asking whether there is ever a rare or specific case in which a prenup might be justified. According Focus on the Family, “blended families and already started business ventures can create unique financial situations that must be treated with express caution. A prenuptial agreement could be a wise way to avoid future financial and legal headaches, particularly when extended family is involved.” Marrying with significant financial debt or extreme assets was also mentioned, where marriage may be worth considering.
We must recognize that we live in a fallen world full of tragedy, and unfortunately, divorce is part of it. However, when a couple goes into a marriage with the mindset that it might “not work out,” the motivations are already very weak. The truth of the matter is that God’s design for a marriage is to bring two of His beloved children together and make them one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This sacred union must be valued as a commitment for life (Ecclesiastes 9:9).
Husbands are called to love and lead their wives, giving themselves up for her, while husbands are to honor and respect their husband’s role and submit to him who is the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7-9). Each brings a beautiful role to a marriage, having the same value, but different and unique qualities needed to make a marriage based on faith and commitment, while also being rich in love (Ephesians 5:22-31).
Christian couples should enter into marriage seeking to honor and glorify God’s design for marriage and enter into their union equally weighed (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). When each spouse says “I do” to honor and submit to God first and foremost, then you submit to one another in marriage, as Christ did the church (Ephesians 5:21), this is the only agreement needed.
Father, thank you for the precious gift you give us in marriage. Help us to see our fiancés and future spouses as you do – as a beloved child and priceless treasure. Help us honor your perfect plan for marriage and live in a purposeful way that glorifies you together. Amen.
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