Have you ever been to a restaurant and noticed a couple sitting together talking and talking and talking? And then have you noticed that you and your husband are not? Do you seem to have little to talk about other than what’s going on with the kids or a rundown of current events?
If so, we have something in common! We’ve been there too (and so have millions of other married couples). After realizing this fact (it took a while), we decided we wanted to do better, even if it’s just connecting in meaningful ways in little pockets of time here and there. (And sitting together at a restaurant can be one of those times.)
We have learned that when we sit there, the phones, texts, etc. they can wait, (yes they can). but the question is: can/should our relationship suffer in the meantime? (He could starve to death in the meantime.) It is important to be careful not to neglect the development of our marital love relationship. They tell us: “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil.(Ephesians 5:15-16)
So as God convicted us of this, we were more intentional about interacting with each other. And we are so happy to do that. We feel emotionally closer than ever!
Fun Communication Questions
Is it something you need/want to happen in your marriage? If so, do you need some jump-start ideas so you can interact more often as a couple in warmer, more loving ways? Would you like to discuss some things to feel more connected?
Maybe you’re looking for something to discuss together on a “Date Night”. Or maybe it’s during one “22 minutes” The time you spend together and can’t come up with fun, thought-provoking questions on your own. They could even be some ideas to help you when you’re in one of those short ones pockets of time in a restaurant or walking together, or something like that.
So, to get you started, below are some ideas that can help you. We’ve used these tools ourselves. and we found that some of our best conversations were when we used these kinds of tools. Not all of us are that creative in thinking of things to talk about (besides talking about kids, work, and problems).
So, with that said, we want to provide a link to articles to help get the conversation started. You won’t (and shouldn’t) try to ask all the questions in one sitting. That is, unless you both agree to marathon talk time together (which some spouses wouldn’t enjoy). You can set a time to be together and agree to ask each other a set number of questions and save the rest for another time.
And NO argument! Don’t let this period be controversial. If you need to have a more serious conversation at some point, save it for another time. This time is supposed to bond you – not in an argument. So, keep it light!
This is login time, NOT testing
“We all get caught up in the daily responsibilities of our lives and forget to make time for intimate conversations with our partner. Sometimes, we don’t even know where to start. The secret is to ask open-ended questions, which are questions without a yes or no answer. “Did you pay the electric bill?” it is not an open-ended question. Here are some examples: What adventures do you want to have before you die? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? How do you think we could have more fun in our lives together? What are your biggest concerns for the future? What do you find exciting in your life right now?’ (Gottman Institute)
We also have some extra questions for you to use. But whatever you do, don’t think of them as “questions” as if you were taking a test or something. Think of them as a time of discovery and bonding together. Even if you’ve been married for over 20, 30, 40 or more years, you’ll learn a few new things about each other. This is what we learned!
So below you will find several website links to a series of list of questions. You might even want to make a copy of them so you can have them for the next several times you spend this time together:
— ALSO, for fun communication questions —
Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard website, came up with some fun questions to ask each other. How about asking “What’s your favorite…?” It gives a list of 25 “favorite things” that you can both share with each other. Just go back and forth saying your favorites. Here is the link:
Paul Byerly, from the website The-generous-husband.com discover a list of questions that could also bring you closer to your relationship. To read the articles and after the questions, here is a link that will take you to them:
And then here are 50 additional questions, written by Pastor Zach Terry and his wife Julie, that you might have fun asking each other when you want to know even just a little bit more about each other. Some of your answers may surprise you, which can be a good thing 🙂
• 50 Questions to ask your husband on a date
And if you run out of them (LOL) you can find more at Communication Tools topic on this site. Above all, take your time –I make, I do the time to communicate with each other.
“Cultivate a healthy dialogue with your spouse about things other than your children. Take time to talk about adults. Start conversations about common interests. Remember, you chose your partner before you met your children. Although children require a lot of love, time and energy for a healthy marriage, you should never let your children usurp the role of your husband.” (Ed Young)
It’s a matter of finding ways to develop the love relationship between you! We hope you do.
Cindy and Steve Wright
– ADDITIONALLY –
To help you further, we give many personal stories, humor and more practical advice in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to grow your marriage. We hope you’ll pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both online and in print.) Plus, it makes a great gift for someone else. It gives you an opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or image below:
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