Have you ever felt a silence echoing within you amidst the humming heartbeat of life? A loneliness that creeps quietly, even in the chaos?
statistical data
The silent struggle with loneliness is far from an isolated experience. According to Campaign to end loneliness, in 2022 almost half of adults in the UK, equivalent to 26 million people, admitted to feeling lonely at least occasionally. A staggering 3.8 million admitted to feeling lonely often or always.
My journey into solitude
I’m Eleni, a 40-year-old single mom navigating the complicated road of dating and motherhood. Although I have been single for 3 years, I have only recently been struck by a true feeling of loneliness.
In a nutshell, my life went like this: After university I met my ex and we were together for 15 years. Just a few months after the breakup, I threw myself into dating as a shield against loneliness, constantly chasing another relationship instead of facing the problem head on. Time and time again, I made dates with the wrong men, just to spend the night with someone.
Embracing the healing
In the last year, I have been seeing a therapist who has been absolutely wonderful. We have talked repeatedly about loneliness and he has asked questions that have allowed me to see situations differently.
“What’s the worst that can happen if you have a day out by yourself?”
A friend also shared her wisdom: “Approach a day out as your opportunity to take yourself on a date.”
After months of working up the courage to take myself out, I started small, going for a coffee in a beautiful historic square. Armed with a copy of Vogue in case I felt overwhelmed, I really enjoyed watching the world go by.
Since then, I’ve been comfortable going out for group activities like whitewater rafting, a wellness festival, and lots of dance classes. For me, this was a huge step in dealing with my loneliness. I was finally able to fill a day without stress or pressure. However, none of these were experiences that I had actually done solo.
The Breakdown: A turning point
When I arrived at my first weekend with absolutely nothing, the loneliness hit me hard.
I lay alone, curled up in my bed, crying for hours.
My emotional journey reminds me of the Disney movie ‘Inside Out’. We witness Riley’s emotions through cartoon characters such as joy, fear, anger, disgust and sadness. Joy works hard to do everything in her power to stop Riley from feeling sad, which fails after a rush of overwhelming emotions. Poor Riley is beside herself. However, after a good cry, she can happily go about her day.
You may ask, why am I bothering with a Disney movie? Why it’s so important to realize that it’s okay to not be okay. In fact, saying “I’m not well” is proven to be good for us!
In this Harvard Business Review, Dr. Zucker states, “Allowing yourself to feel bad involves accepting all feelings, thoughts, or sensations and sitting with them until they pass. If you try to avoid them, repress them or ignore them, they will only grow stronger and leave you overwhelmed and thinking you can’t cope.”*
With my breakdown, I was finally accepting how I felt. Then I made myself a cup of tea and talked. I couldn’t go on feeling like this, waiting for some mysterious man to come along, just to give me a chance to fulfill my love of adventure and travel. I then spent the afternoon researching my first solo weekend in the UK. Within the week, I booked an activity weekend and it really was a turning point for me.
Embracing Solitude: My First Solo Adventure
My first solo trip was not just a physical trip, but an emotional one. I worked through my fears, found new confidence and felt so empowered doing it on my own! I really enjoyed every minute of it. Read Embarking on a Solo Adventure: Finding Myself on a Coastal Hike to learn more.
I am now organizing a 10-day tour of Jordan, climbing the start to mark the milestone of international solo travel!
Empowering Others: Why I Share My Story
By peeling back my layers and exposing my vulnerabilities, I want to reach out to others who suffer in silence, to say, “You are not alone.” Loneliness is a horrible, dark place, but you can get through it!
Recognize when someone needs help
I was recently contacted by a lady who had lost all self-esteem and confidence after a failed relationship. She’s too scared to do things alone and was chasing a relationship she knew wasn’t good for her. Why; Because she preferred the idea of chasing a bad relationship to dealing with being alone.
Sound like a friend or family member you know? Check out this article: How to help someone who is lonely and go call them today. You’ve heard of it ask twice campaign? It is very easy to answer the question “how are you?” with “I’m fine” or “I’m fine”, but when you ask again in a slightly different way, you can open the door.
Learn to love yourself
Self-love isn’t just a trendy hashtag. it is a journey of acceptance, respect and self-love. The first step is to teach yourself the importance of putting yourself first.
When you treat yourself better, you’ll be happier! (It’s proven!) I love this Forbes article that provides advice how to practice self love. Their research-rich article is worth a read!
In the midst of my struggles with loneliness and navigating the path to self-love, I found unexpected allies: exercise and dance. Engaging in physical activity became more than just a means to stay in shape. it evolved into a therapeutic outlet, a space where I could release pent-up emotions and momentarily escape the clutches of loneliness. Dance, in particular, allowed me to express feelings that were too complex to put into words, providing a unique form of emotional release and often bringing moments of absolute joy amidst the pain.
Single date ideas
Starting solo dating isn’t just about doing activities alone. it’s learning to enjoy your own company. Here are some ideas to get you started on your solo adventures. Be sure to write down your own goals and celebrate each milestone!
- Dress in something that makes you feel good and go out for coffee. Pick up a magazine or pick up a book if you’re feeling uncomfortable as this will take your mind off things. Allow yourself to get comfortable by yourself while you sip a coffee and watch the world go by.
- Go out shopping and treat yourself to a nice meal. Choose a busy cafe from a restaurant.
- Plan a short hike – Get out into the great outdoors and lose yourself for a few hours in stunning surroundings.
- Organize your perfect ‘solo’ date. Mine was a dance class in London followed by a city walk. This was a step too far for my first outing and I wish I had arranged to meet up with a group in the afternoon. You could use: The Meetup app the Get your guide (Book a group tour to a selection of hundreds of attractions)
- Once you’ve started a solo day, start planning a solo weekend trip. Book a weekend of group and individual activities.
Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Learning to love solo time takes time and courage, but I promise you’ll feel empowered and willing to push yourself harder and harder. You’ll love enjoying your time and never looking back!
Shocking data from the Campaign to End Loneliness highlights the pervasive nature of loneliness, revealing it is a battle fought by millions. I hope that by sharing my story I can give hope to those who suffer in silence. Embracing self-love, acknowledging pain, and stepping out of your comfort zone can pave the way for a happier, healthier you.
Resources
Navigating loneliness can be a scary journey, but remember there is support available. Whether it’s connecting with others through Meet up Mondays or seeking a hearing from The Samaritans, get in touch when you need to.
See you on Mondays
MeetUpMondays it gives local businesses the chance to strengthen their community and show they care about ending loneliness. Find a location near you and grab a mug to meet other friendly faces.
The Samaritans
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you just want to talk to someone, pick up the phone and call them Samaritans. Their helpline is open 24 hours a day and offers a non-judgmental opportunity to help you. Helpline: 116 123.
Marmalade Trust
The Marmalade Trust has some great ones drivers of loneliness about types, how to talk about it and advice for further support.
bibliographical references
*Harvard Reference: It’s okay to not be okay.
Campaign to End Loneliness: Statistics/Guides
