Today on Dear Sybersue, I discuss the importance of making a great first impression when dating. You only have this one time to get it right, so be aware of how you come across to others.
It’s one thing to be single today, but if you don’t know the basics appointment etiquette, can set you free for much longer. The most important thing to remember is that you are a good person and deserve a loving relationship. Your self-esteem and body language should show this to meet a special someone with the same relationship. There is someone for everyone and we are all beautiful in our own unique way.
Confidence is a beauty in itself!
What are the first things to keep in mind on a first date?
- Have a little “silent” prioritized checklist as a guideline for boundaries.
- Don’t go on a date with the questionnaire in your notebook. Too many questions is like a job interview!
- Be kind and fun! “First impressions make or break a future date.”
- Make an effort with your appearance. Getting off the couch in bed and sweatpants is unattractive and shows that you don’t care about making a good impression.
- Fragrance is important. beware of excessive cologne and body odor.
- If you want to be respected, respect them.
- Stay away from your phone unless you’ve told them you’re expecting a REALLY important call.
- Give them your full attention. Eye contact is very important.
- Don’t discuss past relationships on the first date! Get to know each other and don’t waste time talking about something that didn’t work in the past. New beginnings, new conversations.
- Don’t discuss sex too soon unless that’s all you’re both looking for.
- Make sure you’re comfortable with where you’re going on your date. It’s never a good idea to go to their house before you get to know them. You should take your car or an Uber as a precaution. Safety is always the first priority!
- When choosing a restaurant to take your date to, find out if they have allergies or can’t eat certain foods for other reasons. You don’t want to spend the night of your date in the hospital because they went into anaphylactic shock!
- Let them know if it’s a casual or dressy setting so they know what to wear. Don’t take them into a fear factor appointment excursion! (No parachuting, climbing or 50km mountain biking.)
- Using light humor is fine, but leave the sarcasm for your friends.
- Always see your date in their car or get them an Uber at the end of the date.
- It is not recommended to sleep with them on first dates! Too much expectation and confusion will come into play if you do this. A kiss is definitely acceptable if you feel great chemistry together.
5 other things to consider when dating someone new
- Be careful how much information you give too early. Your date doesn’t need to know every classified detail about you. Be yourself, but hold back on these private conversations until you have something solidified with them.
- No one needs to know about your dating horror stories, that you haven’t gotten over your ex, or that you haven’t had sex in 5 years. You don’t even know if there’s a mutual connection yet, so why would you want to discuss that or any insecurities on first dates? Wouldn’t it make more sense to show them your best features first? Be careful not to sabotage any chance of seeing them again by giving them reasons not to be interested. Everyone has flaws or a few skeletons in the closet, but first dates should be fun and not filled with dramatic conversations.
- If you ask someone out to dinner, be prepared to pay regardless of gender. In this day and age, it is very acceptable and appreciated for a woman to ask a man out. You don’t have to go to the most expensive restaurant in town. There are many great dating shops that don’t do everything.
- If you are invited to someone’s home for a meal, never go empty-handed. a bottle of wine or dessert is always appreciated and expected!
- Always be on time, but if circumstances arise that might cause you to be late, call well in advance so they aren’t sitting on the couch dressed and ready to go. Calling or texting them when you’re supposed to have already been to their front door is poor etiquette. They could have done something else for an hour!
What should you do at the end of the date?
If you feel a mutual connection, give them a hug or kiss goodnight. (The kiss can tell you a lot about your connection with them! Find out sooner rather than later, I always say.) Tell them you’d like to see them again. (Don’t wait to invoke the three-day rule.) You’ll stand out a lot more if you don’t play the obvious dating game scenarios.
Update your date with a “Thank you” call or text. Don’t say you’ll call when you don’t mean to! It won’t help your dating reputation either, because people talk. Honesty with diplomacy is always the best approach if you don’t feel a connection on the date. Be kind and careful with your choice of words, but don’t lead them on if there is absolutely no chemistry between you.
Don’t go home angry or disappointed if things don’t go well on your date. Every dating experience is something you can learn from. Enjoy them for what they give you in that moment because there will always be a reason you met.
Try not to look too eager and see every great date as a potential partnership. Enjoy getting to know them, but take your time.
Be careful not to be too aggressive with texts and calls after the first date. You don’t want to come across as desperate or too available. I’ve had clients tell me how turned off they were when their date bombarded them with multiple texts after just one meeting. Too much of anything can feel intrusive. Leave a little mystery so they want to know more about you and can’t wait to see you again!
On the other side of the coin, you might really want to see them again, but you have a hectic schedule for the next few weeks. Be honest and tell them you enjoyed meeting them and want to see them again. Ask them if it would be possible to reserve a day in your calendars earlier due to your heavy work commitments. Most people will be happy to know that there will be a second date and that you are thinking of planning something with them. Never call at the last minute expecting them to drop everything for that second date.
Both genders need to relax, be themselves and let things unfold naturally.
If it’s meant to be, everything will work out without you having to be overly assertive. Keeping an open mind (even when a date goes wrong) can make you see more clearly what you really “want” in a partnership down the road. Everyone who comes into your life teaches you something in one way or another.
Please do not consider any date as a waste of time. You may not immediately understand what their purpose was in your life, but you will often understand why you met them later. (It could be to teach them something, which is always good karma.)
No matter what happens, go out and enjoy your time in the dating world. There is so much to explore and some wonderful people to meet. Experience everything with an optimistic mindset. At the very least, you might make some great friendships along the way or learn something very valuable about yourself that will change your life forever.
By envisioning a healthy relationship, believing and having a positive attitude, you will never feel alone. You will always make a great first impression and people will be drawn to your enthusiastic energy.
Thanks, Sybersue xo <3
Sybersue Private Dating Coaching – Contact me @ dearsybersue@gmail.com and message me there to set up a video or audio call appointment within 24 hours. Thanks!
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