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Last week I talked about erectile problems. Today, premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is defined in various ways, but most scientists define it as always peaking less than two minutes after intercourse begins. Most men with PE last less than a minute, and this is the most common definition. The best studies say that about 30% of all men have this condition, so it is not rare.
Before we talk about why and what can be done, let’s eliminate things that are similar but different. If a man has premature ejaculation, he ALWAYS ejaculates too quickly during sexual intercourse. Most men will ejaculate faster than they like sometimes. this is normal. Most men don’t last long during their first intercourse, and most come quickly if it’s been a while since they’ve had sex. Even if you’ve done something else to climax in between, having sex after a long time without intercourse is likely to lead to a faster climax. Some men start to climax faster because of erectile problems: they push harder to stay erect, resulting in a faster orgasm. Stress and nervousness can also cause faster ejaculation. None of them are PE.
Why a significant percentage of men ejaculate within a minute or so of entering the vagina has been debated for years. Most early theories said it was in the mind or suggested it was a habit acquired from trying to climax in a hurry during secret masturbation or “backseat sex” as a teenager. However, none of these theories stood up to scrutiny and we now know that the condition is linked to the mind and body. Men who have PE have a defect in a gene that controls the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine, and there is growing evidence that the condition is inherited for most people who have it. This means you don’t do it on purpose and you can’t stop doing it by force of will.
There are many claims on the internet about “premature ejaculation cure” techniques and pills. Sounds good, but they don’t work. If a man climaxes quickly due to bad habits or overstimulation, things like start/stop training or the “squeeze technique” may help, but for men with true PE these methods are useless. Suggestions to “think baseball” or “do math” in your head don’t help either. Masturbating just before intercourse doesn’t help most men, as they are just as quick the second time around.
What really helps?:
- Using multiple condoms to reduce sensation helps a little for some men, but not for others.
- Desensitizing creams and sprays help men slow down. The trick here is to get full enough to lose some sensation without being completely numb. Newer formulations are better at this, but again the additional time is limited. Promescent is one that has good research and solid reviews.
- Off-label prescriptions for SSRI drugs will help most men last longer. This generally means it takes two to four times longer. Paroxetine, brand name Paxil, and sertraline, brand name Zolof, are the most commonly used. You’ll need a doctor to give you an off-label prescription, but that shouldn’t be difficult. Both drugs can be purchased at Amazon Pharmacy for less than $10 a month.
- There is some evidence that pelvic floor exercises can help. Good studies show a fourfold increase, which is as good as most drugs.
- I can’t find any data on using more than one of the above at the same time, but it might help.
- There are new developments being tested. These usually become available to the rest of the world before the FDA approves them.
Some other ideas:
- If you’re still standing after climaxing, keep going. If you become too sensitive, take it easy, it will pass. Use of a penis ring it can help you stay stable enough to continue intercourse if you tend to lose your erection very quickly.
- Accept what you have to work with and make the best of it. Give her orgasmic pleasure any way she likes, with intercourse before, after or in between.
- Some men climax quickly only during intercourse, being able to last longer when their woman pleases them with her hand or mouth. With this in mind, you could sometimes skip intercourse and spend time pleasing each other in other ways.
- Use dummy (was described yesterday). Many men with PE will climax quickly by doing this, but she can continue until she is satisfied.
The bottom line here is that this is just like any other challenge. you choose how to see it and deal with it. I understand that not being able to have sex for as long as you want is frustrating, but it doesn’t stop you from giving your wife all the sexual pleasure she can handle. If you learn how to make her feel good in other ways, she probably won’t spend much, if any, time thinking about what she’s “missing.”
[This post first appeared July 22, 2012.]
Image credit: © Karen Roach | stock.adobe.com
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