As yourself and possibly your partner if you want to open up some dialogue and deepen your understanding of each other.
Has the definition of intimacy changed over time for you? What makes it better or worse?
Is your definition of intimacy limited to only emotional or only physical aspects, or do you allow for a bit of both?
You see… when we consider intimacy, there is an allowance of vulnerability that we often don’t allow ourselves to experience unless we are in the right environment, with the right person, etc., etc.
This may be because intimacy often implies the risk of letting someone through to experience the deepest part of ourselves. Intimacy doesn’t always have to be limited to sexual commitment. Try sitting face to face with your partner and looking into their eyes at a relatively close distance for 2-3 minutes and see how you feel. This can be a very familiar exercise that I often give to my clients in my office. Intimacy is a factor of closeness when we allow someone to see and be able to experience all parts of us…yes, that includes both the good and the vulnerable parts that you often try to hide from others. You might fear that your partners wouldn’t care about you if they knew what your darker sides were, so you might often rule out the opportunity for that to happen. You are inevitably missing a beautiful opportunity to be known, seen and accepted by your partner. Now, I’m not saying you just have a chance, and it will happen. You need to let your partner know and help them make it safe for both of you to approach each other and open up.
Holding open space for others to see our faults often leaves you feeling like you’re putting yourself at risk…and allowing your partner in on those moments can lead to a deeper connection than have you ever had in your relationship.
Possible questions to ask your partner to open a conversation:
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What is your definition of intimacy?
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When asking this, simply listen and observe what your partner is sharing with you through observation and waiting for it to end. You can then share your definition and talk about what you heard them say that you are interested in and would like to learn more about.
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When did you feel most emotionally intimate with me? Physically?
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When you feel uncomfortable/vulnerable, do you get scared, come up big to protect yourself, or often run away from situations?
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What can I do to help you feel more comfortable being vulnerable with me?
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What does emotional intimacy look like for us?
Remember, intimacy can include many things. But mostly, it’s about being open and curious with your partner about each other through conversation and embarking on the journey of discovery together.
Relationships Redefined is an Online Psychotherapy Practice in California that specializes in helping relationships flourish. We help individuals, couples, premarital couples and all types of partnerships learn how to understand each other through communication. We also offer intimacy and sex therapy for those who want to deepen their intimate relationships. If you want more information, find us at www.relationshipsredefined.com
