Step 3: Find the solution for the spouses
If you have a high libido and are in a sexless marriage, it’s important to prioritize the relationship. The first step is to address and heal any resentment. Start a conversation with your partner and ask him to express all the resentments he may have towards you. Use the conflict resolution method called the Reunion Tool as a guide to navigate these conversations. It’s also possible that you have resentment towards your partner, so use the tool to work through those as well. If you find it difficult to use the tool independently and tensions escalate, consider working with one of my relationship coaches to help you effectively. Additionally, focus on nurturing the friendship with your partner by starting quality time, going on dates, and engaging in non-sexual interactions. Your partner with a low libido needs these elements to be able to open up to sex.
Step 4: Finding the Solution for Wives
If you have a low libido and are in a sexless marriage, it is necessary to reconsider the value of sex in your relationship. Since you may not think about it often or consider it a personal need, going months or even years without sexual intimacy may not seem like a big deal. However, it is important to recognize that your partner will become emotionally distant from you from feeling sexually unloved. So it’s important to remind yourself that sex is a positive and healthy aspect of your relationship. It represents love and connection and plays a vital role in the health of your marriage, bringing you closer emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Also, avoid setting the bar too high before you’re willing to engage in sexual activity. Create a culture within your relationship where your high-libido partner doesn’t have to meet unrealistic expectations for you to make moves toward them sexually. If you notice that your partner is trying to connect with you emotionally, reciprocate by being more open sexually with them. Remember, the more receptive you are to intercourse, the more it will energize your marriage and create a positive cycle because your partner will be more motivated to provide affection, emotional closeness, and quality time. Also, take proactive steps by initiating romantic moments such as cuddling or a sensual massage. Your sexuality is responsive, so you won’t feel arousal until after the foreplay begins. In addition, your brain is your largest sexual organ. So, if you want to initiate intimacy later in the day, intentionally think about sexy thoughts throughout the day, such as passionate memories with your partner from the past or ideas about sexual activity you would enjoy with him later in the day. This will warm up your mind and body so you are ready for intimacy later. Finally, if you don’t have a positive association with sex, spend some time reading books or listening to podcasts about healthy sex. If you have past sexual trauma, work with a psychotherapist. Your body will not be able to embrace what your mind rejects.
For further reading see below.
16 Ways to Avoid a Sexless Marriage
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