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(Editor’s note, this letter was written before Doc’s death in August 2020, but it still applies as Doc’s principles are timeless).
Upcoming Holiday Schedule: No articles or weekly emails 12/21/2023 or 12/28/2023 – weekly articles and emails resume 4/1/2024 (but we will have weekly articles and emails 11/30 , 7/12 & 12/14 )
hello doctor,
I hope you will be patient with me. I did it all wrong and I know it.
I’m 28 and I work with an amazing girl, Kelsey. From the first moment I saw her I thought it could be her. I wanted to meet her like crazy but I didn’t for two reasons. First of all, because she is SO beautiful that I wouldn’t even dream that a girl like her would be available. Second, I’m not a fan of dating people I work with. But I LOVED it!
One day, a few months after I first saw her, we talked on the phone about business. The conversation was so heated that she invited me to her office for coffee. We met and I felt she liked her too. At that point we started talking via e-mail. Everything looked good, so I asked for her phone number and called her that night. He started bombarding me with calls. He even asked if I was single.
A few days later Kelsey said she had just gotten out of a five-year relationship. (She dumped the guy.) She told me it was a bad time for her and she didn’t want to rush things, but she really liked me and wanted to take it really slow. Over the next few days I asked her out twice, but she said it was too soon. I didn’t ask her again and suddenly one night she said she wanted to see me the next day.
We went out for drinks and then she asked me to take her to the beach. I tried to kiss her but she pulled back. He told me that kissing me would make things more complicated because then he would start feeling things for me. I told her no problem take your time and maybe we can go out some other time if you want. Then he grabbed me and kissed me and we made out for hours! I left with the feeling that we had finally started.
The next night I was out with friends and I sent Kelsey a few early morning texts to which she did not respond. The next morning Kelsey told me she was feeling pressure. She kissed me on the beach because she thought she could get over this feeling of pressure, but in the end it didn’t work out for her. He told me that at the moment he could not offer me anything. All she wants is to be with her friends and have fun. I told her she can have as much space and time as she wants and that I like her so much that I can wait for her to clear her mind.
We haven’t spoken in days since then, except once at work for work. I know I rushed things too much! I know I probably did all the wrong things. But PLEASE train me. My question is what should I do now? I want Kelsey! I’m sure you think I’m an idiot, but Kelsey is the woman of my life. Her birthday is next week. Should I give her a present? Should I send flowers? Thanks for any knowledge.
Shelton – who should have hit the brakes
There are hundreds of videos Doctor’s YouTube channel – here’s the latest one (the next one is scheduled for 12/13/2023):
