Do you need to heal before getting back together after a loss or breakup? In this video, you will learn how to heal and when to resume.
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Do you need to heal completely before getting back together after a breakup, divorce, or loss? The short answer is no, because we are never fully healed, and there is a risk that we will heal so much that you put off the appointment altogether. But the bigger answer is that it’s important to do some healing and self-reflection before starting a new relationship, or you run the risk of repeating unhealthy dating patterns. In this video, you’ll learn about the type of treatment that’s necessary and how to assess when you’re ready to start dating again.
Do you need to heal before going out again?
What does it mean to heal after a relationship ends?
There are many emotions that arise after a relationship ends, and most of us don’t want to feel pain of any kind, so we are busy denying or pushing away our feelings. The problem is that if you don’t stay with those feelings at first, they will come back again and again. These feelings play an important role in helping you heal.
Some of the basic emotions that people experience are sadness, grief and anger. Sitting with grief helps us mourn the loss of the relationship, no matter how good or bad it was. Working through that regret can help us work through it so we can finally evaluate what we could have done differently and do better in future relationships.
Anger can help us realize what values and needs were not met in the relationship so we can look for those red flags in the next relationship. If we don’t deal with our anger, we may bond with the next person we date who is angry with their ex. This may seem like a strong connection at first, but without other fundamental elements of compatibility, this type of relationship will quickly crash and burn. And the pattern will repeat itself until you begin to heal.
It is also important to get some treatment if you have childhood trauma of any kind. For example, if you grew up in a home where you felt insecurely attached to your caregivers, you will likely repeat these patterns in your romantic relationship until you acquire new tools to help you develop more secure attachments.
Four steps to healing after a breakup
1. Accept that the relationship is over.
2. Feel and process the feelings of loss.
3. Adjust to life without your partner.
4. Let go of the dream and fantasy of the relationship you had and move on to find new and meaningful relationships.
How long does it take to heal?
If you wait to be fully healed, you will wait forever, as we are never fully healed. How do you know you’re healed enough to go out again? Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do I understand the challenges in my last relationship and have I taken steps to change those patterns, even if I haven’t completely changed them yet?
- Does my sadness, anger, sadness, frustration, resentment or pain towards my former partner feel less alive and active on a daily basis in my thoughts, feelings and body?
- Has enough time passed that I can date a new person without comparing everything they say and do to my previous partner?
- Have I stopped fantasizing that I will somehow reconnect with my ex?
- Why do I want to start dating again? What am I looking for now?
We never fully heal from relationships or any past trauma. However, it is important to heal enough to embrace new opportunities for love, companionship, and deep intimate connection. The fear of being vulnerable and being hurt again can hold us back from coming out and opening up to love. And that’s why it’s important to ask yourself the five questions above so you know you’re ready to take that next step.
Dating can be fun, scary, exciting and challenging. In a healthy relationship, healing will continue as you build trust and tune in with your new partner. What is most important for you to deal with before you get back together?
If you’re curious about how coaching can help you deal with issues like confidence, hypervigilance, anxiety, shyness, repetitive dating patterns and more, let’s talk! I offer a free 45 minute session to anyone seriously interested in working with me. Apply here:
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Check out my books, To become a woman of value. How to thrive in life and love and Choosing Dating Points: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Love Decisions.
