Losing your sex drive is a common side effect of antidepressants. Anywhere between 30 and 60 percent of people taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) as antidepressants experience “some form of … sexual dysfunction” from treatment, studies say, and the result is worse for women. According research72 percent of women taking antidepressants report problems with sexual desire, with 83 percent experiencing problems with sexual arousal and 42 percent experiencing difficulties with orgasm.
For patients, the experience is terrifying and terrifying. “It’s not that I’m no longer attracted to my partner. nothing makes me go,” one person wrote on a Reddit Thread. “No porn, no romance, nothing that used to work is working. I feel a little crushed in a way.”
“I’m honestly grossed out and uncomfortable with the idea of sex, even cuddling makes me want to crawl out of my skin sometimes,” another woman wrote. “I had a pretty high sex drive before the medication, so I feel like my body is betraying me and it’s also affecting my relationship.”
Losing your libido is stressful regardless of your relationship status, whether you have sex regularly or once in a blue moon. But for people in relationships, the stress can be even worse if your partner is affected by the shift. And on the other hand, partners may want to help without knowing how or if they should.
“I… have mentioned it [my girlfriend, who’s on an antidepressant] that I have needs and she told me she felt like I guilt tripped her,” one person wrote Reddit. “He told me that it seems like sex is the most important thing to me in this relationship, which couldn’t be further from the truth, but I want it to be a part of our relationship.”
It’s a multi-layered issue: a caring partner won’t want to push for sex when he’s not wanted, but he has his own needs that aren’t being met. Meanwhile, the partner taking antidepressants may feel pressured to put sex ahead of their mental health and well-being at a time when they need to prioritize themselves the most.
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Antidepressants, sex drive and relationships can form a tangled web. So, how exactly do you find your way out?
How antidepressants affect sex drive
SSRIs can affect sex drive because of their “mechanism of increasing serotonin levels in the brain,” said Aliyah Moore, PhD, a board-certified sex therapist and relationship expert at SexualAlpha, SheKnows says. “Although SSRIs are useful for treating mood disorders, their serotonin boosters can disrupt the delicate balance of neurotransmitters necessary for a sexual response,” explains Moore. “Arousal and sexual desire often decrease as a result of this intervention.”
Experiencing these changes is uniquely challenging, potentially leading to “feelings of inadequacy, frustration, or loss of self-esteem,” says Moore. You may feel disconnected from your own sexuality, which for many people is “a crucial part of it [your] identity and self-expression”.
Losing the desire to have sex while in a relationship can be especially upsetting. “Many relationships rely heavily on sex and intimacy as a way to communicate love, create emotional bonds, and enjoy mutual pleasure,” says Moore. “A decreased libido in one partner can lead to misunderstandings, feelings of rejection, or concerns about the long-term health of the relationship from the other partner.” The result: a vicious cycle of tension around sexual activity of any kind, “which can lead to avoidance behaviors and a further reduction in intimacy.”
The other partner in the relationship may feel guilty about sexual urges or feel hesitant to initiate sex out of concern that it will pressure their partner. They may feel “lonely, frustrated, and desperate to have the sex they want, even sexually rejected,” says Katie Ziskind, LMFT, a board-certified sex therapist at Wisdom in counseling and guidance. “Continuous sexual rejection can be very challenging and lead to conflict and massive disconnection within the relationship.”
Antidepressants and libido: navigating sex drive changes in a relationship
If antidepressants have affected your sex drive, your first move is to talk to your doctor. “Such side effects are common,” Moore said. “Your doctor can tell you if the change in libido is likely to be due to the medication and may recommend alternative treatments or changes to your current regimen.” Lowering your dose, taking a “medication break” (stopping medication for a period of time), or switching to another medication may improve libido without stopping antidepressants completely, studies they say However, it is important to talk to your doctor before implementing any of these changes. they can help you explore the best option for your body and do it in a safe way.
It’s also possible that other factors are exacerbating the dip in your sex drive. “Depression, stress, lifestyle and relationships can play a role in libido,” says Moore. A sex therapist or sexual health counselor can provide strategies for coping with changes in libido and tips for maintaining a healthy sexual relationship.
And if you’re partnered with someone experiencing these changes, know that empathy is absolutely vital. When a partner loses sex drive due to an antidepressant, it can trigger your own fears and insecurities, causing you to worry about your relationship and whether your partner is still attracted to you. That’s why it’s important to remember that “your partner’s low libido is a side effect of his medication, not a reflection of his feelings for you,” says Moore.
Make it a priority to speak honestly and without bias, she adds. “Instead of putting pressure or blaming, encourage them to talk about how they feel and show your own feelings in a helpful way.” You may also want to find out about your partner’s medication and how it affects his desire for sex. “In a relationship, this understanding can promote tolerance and empathy,” Moore explains. You can also see if your partner is interested in non-sexual forms of intimacy, such as cuddling.
Creating intimacy without sex: tips from a sex therapist
If you or your partner are experiencing a low sex drive or other sexual side effects from antidepressants, try exploring “new ways to connect sexually that don’t depend on typical patterns of arousal,” suggests Moore. “This could include a focus on emotional intimacy, sensual interaction and non-genital pleasure.” In general, says Ziskind, “take the pressure off the penetrative sex that’s the end goal.”
A few ways to do this:
Sensory focus exercises. “This technique involves structured, gradual touch on different parts of the body without the goal of sexual arousal,” explained Moore. It’s designed to “increase awareness of bodily sensations and strengthen the couple’s connection.” You can start with non-genital touching and, if you want, gradually progress to more intimate spots over time. This method can help you rediscover the other person’s body in a “relaxed, nonjudgmental” way, Moore says, allowing you to “reintroduce touch and intimacy into the relationship” while you adjust to changes in libido.
Sexual check-ins. Simply put, these are “regular and intentional conversations between partners about their sexual relationships,” says Moore. This is a sacred time for you and your partner to talk about your desires, concerns, and needs without fear of judgment, helping you find understanding and strength in the relationship. “The critical factor is to approach these conversations with understanding, careful listening, and a mutual desire for growth so that both partners feel validated and encouraged in their pursuit of sexual wellness,” says Moore.
Strengthening foreplay. If you and your partner are still mentally and emotionally interested in sex, but struggle physically to get aroused, go for foreplay, says Ziskind. If your partner has a vagina, support them with “at least 45-90 minutes of foreplay in various erogenous zones before touching the clitoral area,” she advises. “Many couples don’t spend enough time building their desire, which is what foreplay does.” Increasing foreplay is a “key component to rebuilding desire and sexual connection,” Ziskind adds. He recommends focusing on “relaxing into the touch rather than trying to perform in any way.”
Schedule times for experiments. If you let go of any kind of “end goal” (like full penetration or orgasm) for sex, a lot of fun possibilities start to emerge. Prioritize these times of your day. “Set regular times for cuddling that don’t have to lead to sex,” says Ziskind. “You have set times to shower naked and wash each other’s bodies. Give each other a coconut oil rub.” If you and your partner want to, you can also try sexual experiences that end with oral sex, instead of penetrative sex.
Masturbate. If the partner on antidepressants is able and willing to masturbate, this can be another way to promote intimacy in the relationship. “A person on antidepressants may masturbate and pleasure regularly and then tell their partner about it, sharing the parts of their body they like to be caressed, the type of pressure they like and their sexual fantasies,” explains Ziskind. “Pleasing yourself helps you build an awareness of what you like about your body, and you can then better translate that into shared sexual experiences.”
Be kind to yourself – and your partner
Experiencing changes in sex drive is stressful and scary regardless of the situation, but especially when the changes are caused by antidepressants. Throw a relationship into the mix and you find yourself in a situation full of stress and insecurity. It makes patience, empathy and constant communication all the more vital.
The goal, Moore says, is to build a “holistic and adaptive approach to sexuality,” which requires “communication, openness to new experiences, and a commitment to understanding and adapting to each other’s needs” as part of this mental health journey. . . It’s not easy, but love, compassion, and understanding can help you and your partner face this journey together.
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