One of the hallmarks of a happy and fulfilling marriage is open and honest communication. A husband and wife should be able to talk to each other about sensitive matters, knowing that it is safe to do so. However, life as we know is not that simple. Sometimes, being open and honest can cause more problems than what you are honest about.
Husbands, for example, may find that discussing sensitive issues about their marriage can cause an emotional reaction from their wives that damages the relationship and the issue raised is not addressed. A wife may find it difficult to discuss certain topics with her husband for fear of an angry outburst. Sometimes, keeping quiet about an issue and dealing with it as best they can is less stressful.
In this article, I will present insights into the challenges couples may have with open and honest communication and how it is vital to overcome them as much as possible.
Sometimes, we have to decide that something in our marriage will not change. For example, a man may realize that he will never have an emotional connection with his wife through sex. He decides that he will continue his days with his roommate, although some men and women may break up rather than stay in unhappy relationships.
We may try to make things better, but an important part of a successful marriage is the best interest of the spouse. Unfortunately, someone may not be on this page. The wife may have little or no interest in solving the sexual problems her husband has with her. The husband may not care about the happiness of his wife, who works hard to keep the house neat and clean and prepare daily meals for the family.
The reality is that a happy marriage requires both husband and wife to work for it. If they both don’t want it and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it, it probably won’t happen. A happy and fulfilling marriage does not happen by accident.
Men usually complain about the lack of intimacy and sex with their wives. Women tend to complain about the lack of help from their husbands, e.g. helping with the kids, cleaning, etc. Sometimes, perhaps many times, these are catch-22 situations. Let me explain.
Men usually create an emotional connection with their wives through sex. Studies have shown that women usually desire sex with those they have an emotional connection with. A man needs sex to connect emotionally and a woman needs emotional connection to have romantic sex.
The husband begins to distance himself from his wife when she consistently refuses to have sex with him. Of course! She tells him she doesn’t want a hookup, so she backs off. She notices him walking away and responds to it. She might ask him if something is wrong or assume that something is wrong with her.
The remedy for the catch-22 situation described above is to educate husband and wife about the needs of men and women in marriage. They need to figure out what sex means to each other and how they can work together to make it work. They need to be on the same page about sex and their emotional and intimate relationship.
Have you ever said something to someone and their response was off the wall, i.e. nonsensical? For example, a man may tell his wife that he no longer feels close to her. She may become defensive instead of trying to understand what he is saying so they can resolve the issue.
How can a person continue to be open and honest when their spouse usually responds emotionally? The husband, for example, may think it is better to keep his mouth shut and deal with the matter in another way.
It’s best not to let your emotions dictate how you react to anything. Listen to your husband and take what he says seriously. Don’t dismiss what they say. Swallow your pride and discuss it with honesty and objectivity. Don’t lash out at your spouse either by bringing up an issue or being told about one. Try to keep your emotions out of it so that you can create a solid and lasting emotional connection with each other.
Sometimes, being honest with your spouse can be complicated by his personality traits. Perhaps your spouse is shy and reluctant to voice concerns that might cause conflict. Perhaps, as I mentioned above, your husband is prone to emotional reactions instead of rational ones. Personality traits could hinder open and honest communication because we tend to factor in the expected response.
A wife may want to tell her husband that she doesn’t like something he’s doing sexually, but she’s afraid he might take it as criticism instead of just information to adjust. Therefore, if you know that your spouse is shy, angry, easily offended, etc., you may not be communicating as openly and honestly as you would like.
Make sure your behavior is conducive to open and honest communication with your spouse. You can’t change them, but you can make sure you show your husband that it’s safe to open up about things to you, and hopefully he’ll do the same for you. If not, then do what you think is best. Jesus said don’t cast your pearls before swine or holy things before dogs. Sometimes, it doesn’t pay to be straight with people. Sometimes, it’s wise to keep your mouth shut and deal with it as best you can.
I personally lean towards honesty in my marriage. I have decided to put the lead in my marriage where I tell the truth. If I didn’t like a dish my wife prepared and she asked me about it, I would honestly tell her what I thought. I think this does at least two things. First, it requires her to know that she will get the truth from me. Second, it lets her know that she shouldn’t ask if she doesn’t want my honest opinion. I think practicing honesty from the beginning of the relationship is imperative to help keep the channel open for honest communication.
Another challenge with open and honest communication in marriage is the fallout from it. For example, say a husband wants to tell his wife about the effect of their sexless marriage on him. He thinks about how to tell her and weighs her expected response. He concludes that telling her about his unhappiness about their sex life will probably make him have even less sex. He keeps his mouth shut.
The perceived consistency of offering open and honest communication is an important factor. Sometimes, we choose the lesser of two evils. Ideally, there should be no consequence other than seeking resolution. This environment will facilitate open and honest communication between the two.
A major challenge to open and honest communication in marriage is the idea that nothing will change. It is what it is and will continue to be. You think that your efforts in the past did not bring favorable change. Instead, things stayed the same or got worse.
How can anyone be open and honest when they think it won’t make sense? The value of communication is not significant enough to warrant another attempt to improve things. Therefore, they will probably keep their mouths shut.
Thinking that things won’t get better is a recipe for disaster because one or both of them may give up trying to improve their relationship. One or both become miserable, which can lead to seeking pleasure outside the relationship.
There are many challenges to open and honest communication in marriage. Couples consider the expected response to raising issues, emotional reactions, and the consequences of their honesty and candor.
Couples need to work together to improve their relationship by talking to each other respectfully, openly and honestly. Having a marriage where the environment is conducive to it is priceless and worth pursuing.
