Sometimes there is a fine line between unhappiness and depression. And sometimes casual semantics can blur the distinction between the two. When a marriage is unhappy, depression can lurk, either right in the middle of it or as a consequence. But we want to know if there is one causation relationship. This is, Can an unhappy marriage cause depression?
The challenge of this question, insofar as it represents a cause-and-effect hypothesis between marital dissatisfaction and depression, is synchronization of depression.
That is, does depression already exist in one or both spouses and therefore affect the level of happiness in the marriage? Or does depression only appear after the marriage has suffered for a long time or after some acute negative event?
Teasing out the culprit can be difficult when marital unhappiness and depression are both in flux, as each can fuel the other.
What is depression?
The National Alliance on Mental Illness breaks down the statistics even further. An estimated 300 million people worldwide suffer from depression, and 20% of Americans will experience a major depressive episode at least once in their lifetime.
Whether these numbers sound scary to you or not, the effects of depression are terrifying for those who suffer from it.
They are also terrifying for society as a whole – from intimate and family relationships to job stability and the economy.
And they turn out to be not only scary, but also unbearable for them nearly 800,000 people worldwide who kill themselves every year.
(*If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, call 988 for immediate help, 24/7.)
When we talk about depression, we are talking about a serious illness that goes far beyond the “blues” or occasional lows in mood.
We’re talking about one stability depressed mood (sadness, irritability, emptiness) and/or loss of pleasure or interest in activities. Day after day, for at least two weeks.
What causes depression?
Before answering this particular question – Can an unhappy marriage cause depression? – It is worth noting the common causes and effects in depression:
- adverse life effects such as unemployment, poverty, bereavement and trauma
- family history of depression, especially among first-degree relatives (parent, child, siblings)
- physical health (e.g. cardiovascular disease can lead to depression and vice versa)
In other words, depression arises from and is influenced by a complex interplay of social, psychological, and biological factors.
What defines an unhappy marriage?
The difficulty of defining an unhappy marriage is similar to the difficulty of defining and diagnosing depression. There is no objective litmus test that gives clear answers.
But there is signs that, especially overall, will raise a red flag about the health and happiness of your marriage.
Some of the telltale signs of an unhappy marriage include:
- fighting over the same issues over and over without resolution
- not to fight at all, to keep the peace and not waste energy
- negative or non-existent communication
- I don’t feel heard (and I don’t)
- not to have sex
- deliberately avoiding each other with strategic schedules of work, home, and social activities
- imagine life without your spouse
- infidelity
- self-medication with drugs, alcohol and/or food
- lack of self-care
- constant criticism
- contempt
- defensiveness
- masonry
- stress-related health issues
- depression and/or anxiety
And here it is – depression as a sign of marital unhappiness.
But this only answers the question of the influence of depression on marital happiness. It doesn’t answer the question Can an unhappy marriage cause depression?
When one spouse is depressed, the other spouse is negatively affected in terms of marital satisfaction. Anxiety doesn’t have nearly the impact that depression does.
What is important about this finding, apart from its effects on the non-depressed spouse, is the effect of depression on the sufferer’s view of marriage.
A negative view of the world and life in general inevitably results in a negative view of one’s marriage.
Now let’s turn the tables….
An unhappy marriage can cause depression?
Research has shown this time and time again a number of health benefits coincide with marriage.
Much of this beneficial coincidence is directly related to improved immune function, which is influenced by reduced levels of the stress hormone, cortisol.
The caveat to this finding is that it does not prove cause and effect—only a direct relationship.
And what is relevant to the question: Can an unhappy marriage cause depression? are the negative health effects that often accompany an unhappy marriage.
For example, having a poor social support system is strongly associated with higher rates of depression, loneliness and isolation. And no “social support system” is more important than marriage – for better or for worse.
All this to say, someone living in an unhappy marriage may actually be worse off in terms of health than a single person with a strong support system.
And this applies to both mental and physical health.
So we close the circle of the question of the influence of marital unhappiness on depression.
When a marriage is stalled by miscommunication, boredom, criticism, frustration, resentment, and other negatives, depression is likely, if not probable.
Of course, a person who is already predisposed to depression due to biological or family factors will inevitably be more likely to become depressed.
And, while mental illness is an equal gender offender, women are more likely than men to suffer from depression.
Because of this disproportionate occurrence of depression in women, there is a call to action for husbands to recognize the signs that their wives may be unhappy in their marriage.
And there is a call to action for All who is married to take care of your marriage in all its nuances.
Every offer of engagement, every exchange, every disEngagement is an opportunity to make subtle corrections and deepen intimacy.
Mary Ellen Goggin offers relationship coaching for individuals and collaborates with her partner Dr. Jerry Duberstein to offer private accommodations to couples. To learn more about working with Mary Ellen, contact her here.
