Often, mindfulness and sex can easily go hand in hand. Mindfulness can be defined as the practice of paying attention to what is happening in the moment and not letting our mind wander, which is, sometimes, what happens when we have sex for various reasons. There are many ways we can improve mindfulness, but we will focus on two: (1) practicing mindfulness in relationships and (2) using mindfulness to maintain intimacy.
Mindfulness has been recognized as a way to improve a person’s emotional well-being. It is also a very important tool for couples to maintain intimacy. Sometimes, you can easily lose focus and either lose your libido or think about other things and possibly lose that deep connection during sex with your partner(s).
The benefits of mindfulness are undeniable – improved relationships, better working memory, lower stress, better focus, etc. The list goes on and on. No wonder mindfulness has become so popular these days that people even do it at work on their breaks!
A couple should not forget the importance of intimacy in their relationship. Intimacy can be defined as the closeness between two people and most importantly, the ability to share what you feel and think with another person without judging or worrying about your appearance or anything else that can diminish that close relationship. This would also help to focus on the connection instead of being aware of your body or the bodily fluids or noises that often come with sex. When you allow yourself to be present with your partner, this intimacy provides a sense of belonging and can help you become vulnerable and focus more on the consensual pleasure you are experiencing. It can even help you go deeper and experience and pay attention to the sensations you experience without your mind wandering…which can lead to mind-blowing experiences.
Tip #1: Remove distractions
To really take time, be mindful, and truly listen to your partner, what your body is expressing to you, you need to step back and remove any distractions. For example, put down your phone, stop reading or watching TV, and turn off other devices. Yes, okay, this is a practical example, but during sex, you should focus your mind and remove yourself from any of those distracting thoughts that take you away from pleasure. If you are concerned about premature ejaculation or longer duration in general, you may want to consider the cessation method instead of thinking about things like sports or a non-sexual relative. Then you can focus on just being there and listening and talking with your partner.
Tip #2: Respond rather than react
Practicing mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment and choosing how you want to respond to events, people and things around you instead of reacting on impulse. A mindful response helps us feel less reactive and more in control of our choices.
One way that mindfulness can help improve intimacy is that it encourages us to really listen instead of just waiting our turn to speak. This makes our partner feel that we are listening to them, which can enhance the feeling of closeness with us. Ask your partner what they might want to add to your sexual repertoire and take the time to really listen and consider whether or not it’s something you feel comfortable adding. If it’s not, that doesn’t mean it’s a straight no, but it could be a “maybe”, a “we can talk more about this” or “maybe I need to think about it a bit more”. Sometimes things that cause discomfort are simply because we don’t know what to expect, so taking the time to talk it out can be helpful to make sure you both discuss and agree to the activity in question.
Remember that any sex is good sex as long as it is pleasant and consensual!
Tip #3: Take the time to connect
Taking time to reflect inward and take a moment to pause is a great practice in mindfulness. Taking the time to connect with your body and what it needs or wants can be a huge help in being able to have great sex with your partner. Connection means learning about your body, how it responds, what feels comfortable and what doesn’t – learning how to express it in a way that your partner can hear. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do for your partner sexually is to get to know yourself sexually. Imagine having the knowledge to guide your partner in pleasing you, instead of leaving them to guess what pleases you. Often, being sexually aware of your own curves can be a huge turn on for your partner!
Relationships Redefined specializes in helping couples and individuals find fulfillment, connection, trust and healthy communication in their relationships and offerings online counseling focused on couples therapy & marriage counseling, individual treatment, premarital counselingand intimacy and sexual therapy in San Diego and throughout California. Book a free 15-minute online consultation with us here! Make Intimacy a Reality!
