Have you noticed the influx of media marketing lately? Post after post offers seminars or curriculum to help you “be the best” you can be because you deserve to live your dreams or change the world with your passion.
Am I the only one who gets anxious looking at these posts? There is almost a subliminal message that says:
- You’re not good enough.
- You have to try harder.
- Everyone else decides to do better.
- You better keep up the pace.
I don’t know about you, but the very idea of these categories has me reaching for a paper bag to breathe.
When I start to feel overwhelmed by a barrage of “should, should, could” thoughts, I’ve learned that it’s time to stop the voice in my head.
I don’t know about you, but comparing myself to others is exhausting. However, being a middle child and a born pleaser, my natural default is to compare myself to those who are more motivated than I am. And when I do that I lose––every time.
Lose what? I’m glad you asked.
Living for the approval of others is never a worthy goal. Let’s face it; people begging are a moving target. We’ve all heard “You can’t please all the people all the time,” so if you’re a people pleaser, you’ll burn yourself out trying to live up to everyone else’s standards of success.
When you succumb to others’ standards, you will also lose your peace of mind. Because you will constantly compare yourself to how others are doing or change your goals based on other people’s feedback.
So what can you do? For me, freedom from people-pleasing came in a variety of ways. First and foremost was when I surrendered my life to Jesus as my Lord and Savior because the Spirit of God gave me new life in Christ.
Once I enslaved my transgressions and sins, I found that God set me free. By the power of His indwelling Spirit, the peace of God began to rule my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (cf. Romans 6 and Philippians 4:7).
When I realized that God created me for His glory and not my own, I learned that the most important person to thank was the Lord my God. Wow––what a relief!
I no longer needed to seek the approval of others.
The only standard I had to live up to was the one Jesus called me to in relationship with Him.
So what is this standard?
In Mark 12:30-31, the religious leaders asked Jesus what was the priority in life. Jesus’ answer was twofold:
- Love God with all your being.
- Love others.
Now, don’t be tempted to simplify this statement to mean, “God doesn’t care about my sin. all that matters is love.” Because the truth is, if you love God with all of your being, then the evidence of that love is your desire to walk in obedience to His commandments.
Jesus said, “If you love me you will keep my commands” (John 14:15). So there is no way around it. If you are to please God alone, then your love for Him will cause you to walk in obedience to Him.
The second part of Jesus’ answer to Mark 12 it was to love others as we love ourselves. Here is the interesting part of this statement. We cannot love others in the selfless way that God commands until we live in love with Jesus. Because when we love Him right, what pours out of us is His selfless love for others.
When you live to know and love the Lord and His love pours out of your life to those around you, you will have learned the secret to breaking free from people pleasing.
You see, as you draw near to God, He promises to draw near to you. And the closer you draw to Jesus, the more clearly you will have the mind of Christ to discern what He would have you do in your life – instead of comparing yourself to what others are doing in their lives (cf. James 4:8, 1 Corinthians 2:16).
There is nothing wrong with looking ahead to set some God-directed goals. It would be wise to spend daily quiet time alone with the Lord to seek His will for your life.
But more important than setting goals is the time you spend with Jesus. Because spending time with Him through prayer, Bible study, and waiting in His presence is the secret to living the life you were meant to live.
And when you decide to live in His presence, you will find the key to freedom from men delightful.
Rhonda Stope she is a pastor’s wife, speaker and author. As a NO REGRETS WOMAN, Rhonda has over 20 years of experience helping women live life without regrets. Through humor and honest communication, she helps women build NO TYPES OF LIFE by applying sound teaching from the Bible. Rhonda appears on radio shows, speaks at women’s events, MOPs, and homeschool conferences across the country. Rhonda Stope’s book Moms Raising Sons to be Men guides thousands of mothers to guide their sons to a life without regrets. Her new book If my husband changed, I would be happy: And other myths that husbands believe helping countless women create regret-free marriages.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund
Date of issue: January 16, 2017
