Today’s topic is something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while. Some of my clients have been very disappointed with how their new relationships started out fast and exciting, but then ended abruptly within a few months. Everything was going so well, and they were flooded with phrases like “I love you, I’m excited about our future together”, received lots of compliments/gifts, the sex was incredible, and then poof, things took a drastic turn.
When someone comes on really strong and says and does all the right things, it can be very exciting to be on the receiving end of it all! Unfortunately, when something seems too good to be true, it often is! This is a huge red flag and something to be aware of on those first dates. This is when a suitor lures you into his web. They are experts at saying and doing all the right things early on.
I recently made a video and posted, entitled: Slow and Steady Wins the Relationship Race. I support this approach when it comes to any relationship you allow yourself to be a part of. Jumping into a new relationship too quickly doesn’t allow you to stand back and observe how things are really happening between you as a couple. If you get too caught up in all the excitement and sexual chemistry too soon, it hurts the reality of what’s going on.
Take your time between dates and go slow with sexual expectations!
It’s much easier to get a clearer picture of who someone is when you take the time to get to know them. If you jump into bed with them too soon, you become emotionally and sexually invested, which can cloud your judgment due to these powerful pheromones dominating your common sense.
Some men and women are very good at love bombing because it works so well to give them instant gratification. The big problem is that they often get bored and leave the new relationship as quickly as they entered. They are addicted to the excitement that a new person brings to the bedroom and keep coming back for different experiences every few months. Too often it’s about conquest and they can quickly lose interest once the initial excitement has worn off.
Why can’t people see a love for what it is and not get caught in its web?
It can be quite addictive to be treated so well and feel so important by someone chasing you. It’s a great feeling to be petted and put on a pedestal by someone you’re very attracted to. Who doesn’t want to be spoiled and showered with love and endless compliments? I know this on a personal level because I have fallen into this trap before. After a string of bad dates and a long divorce, it can feel pretty good to have someone love you this much.
This is also the time to be more aware of who you allow into your life, because vulnerable people are much more prone to encounter insincere suitors. Lovers are not usually attracted to confident, self-sufficient people. They don’t want to have to work so hard to lure someone in with their charming personality. They want to be in charge!
Here are some examples of love bombing red flags to know.
- They regularly buy you gifts on first dates.
- Their texts are romantic and sent throughout the day.
- You get complimented all the time!
- They can be overly affectionate and show a lot of PDA.
- Jealousy can come into play if they don’t have your full attention.
- They tell you they love you very early in the relationship.
- There is a lot of talk about the future, which can give you a false sense of security.
- They are very intense about their relationship with you!
- You get a negative reaction from them if you make plans without them.
- They want to see you all the time and usually don’t approve of your other friendships.
- There is a possessive quality that can be mistaken for love.
- They are very charming, they make you feel appreciated rather than controlled.
- Their past is littered with many relationships that have all ended quickly. Their excuse is that they simply haven’t met their person yet.
How do you avoid meeting a crush?
Always maintain your relationship boundaries and don’t fall for anyone’s initial charms when dating. They may be good at what they do, but be smarter than they are. Don’t feel pressured to sleep with them right away. If they get frustrated or annoyed that you’re spending time in bed with them, walk away. Love-bombers like to be in control, which is the first red flag they show early on.
If you slow things down and take time between dates, you’ll be able to see who someone really is. Both men and women can be great charmers and make a person feel special for their own personal gain. No one should control anyone and you should never feel compelled to do anything that makes you question their character or yours.
Having space between dates allows you to live your life and maintain a balance in how you move forward as a couple. Is there mutual compatibility between you? Don’t be naive and think that everyone has your best interest at heart.
Listen to your gut! They will guide you in the right direction because they always know when something is wrong or too good to be true. Pay attention and move away when you see these red flags waving in the distance. It will save you so much time, energy and a lot less grief in the years to come. Always learn quickly from your mistakes and be careful not to repeat unhealthy patterns.
*Please watch the video below for more information on today’s topic.
Thanks, Sybersue xo <3
Sybersue Private Dating Coaching – Contact me at dearsybersue@gmail.com and message me there to set up a video call or voice call date within 24 hours. Thanks!
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