Are you in love or seeking validation? In this video, you will learn the difference between a healthy attraction and an unhealthy attraction.
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You date someone who is hot and cold and trying to win them over. You think they’ll love you more if you improve yourself a little more. Maybe you think you’re in love with them and they just needed to see how amazing you are. Are you really in love or are you looking for validation?
Are you in love or seeking validation?
Many people who date are looking for validation, not love. What’s the difference?
2 Types of Validation in Dating and Relationships
Healthy Validation: When you help your date or partner feel good about themselves, that’s a healthy form of validation. Some examples are giving them a genuine compliment or letting them know how much you appreciate their support and are attracted to you.
Unhealthy Validation: When we seek validation by sacrificing our personal values for the sake of approval, it is emotionally damaging. This can be seen when you always try to please your partner at the cost of not being true to yourself. Or avoiding difficult conversations because of the fear of what would happen if you fight. These are signs that you are relying on external validation to feel good about yourself in the relationship.
When we constantly seek validation in dating, it’s often because of our own insecurities. We focus on what the other person thinks of us rather than what we want and need and whether the relationship is healthy for us. When we give up our own needs to get someone else to accept us, we stay in unhealthy relationships.
Unfortunately, many of us tend to like people we don’t like, especially if we have an insecure attachment style and were raised by caregivers who were distant in some way. It is our responsibility to build our self-esteem and not to procure it externally.
5 ways to increase your self-esteem:
1. Discover your core values
2. Discover your five must-haves and five deal breakers
3. Stick to your lists, no matter how pretty, smart, or sexy someone is. Stay true to yourself.
4. Fill your life with people and things that light you up
5. Take yourself on a weekly date
If you follow these five tips, you’ll become more selective and probably date fewer people, which is a good thing. You’ll be able to recognize when someone is giving you mere crumbs of attention and walk away instead of seeking validation by jumping with the wrong partner.
5 signs of a healthy love relationship
1. Able to talk about anything
2. Mutual trust
3. Support each other
4. Respect the boundaries
5. Common values and goals
When these five things are present, keep that person. Because this is the golden ticket – true love! And if you’re looking for validation instead of love, work on building up your self-esteem so you can go on your last first date.
If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and want to finally find love, sign up for a free 45 minute session with Sandy
Join your last first date on Facebook
Get a copy of Sandy’s books, To become a woman of value. How to thrive in life and love and Pick Points on Appointments. Empowering women to make healthier decisions in love.
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