Hello, readers. Welcome back to this series on the physical effects of sexual trauma. You can find the first two articles in this series here and here.
In this third installment, we hear from a survivor who developed significant physical concerns after her trauma experiences. Kayla* has survived multiple episodes of sexual trauma and has received extensive care for her post-traumatic symptoms.
Kayla was candid about her experiences on the road to recovery. She shared her story with me in hopes of shedding light on an under-recognized issue and helping other survivors feel less alone in their recovery journeys.
Kayla‘s Story of Survival and Recovery
When Kayla shared her story with me, I was struck by how familiar it sounded. As a pelvic health professional and sexual health advocate, I’ve heard many stories like hers – but unless you work in the field, you may not realize how common these experiences are. Kayla and we hope her story helps other survivors feel that help and hope are possible after sexual trauma.
Kayla has survived multiple instances of sexual trauma. As a minor she was sexually abused by a member of her family. Later, she was sexually traumatized at the hands of a cycling coach.
Kayla was struggling with pain and numbness running down her left leg when she first sought care for her physical symptoms. She also had some numbness in her perineum (the lower part of the pelvis between the genitals and the anus). She had injured her hamstrings (the muscles at the back of the thigh) and wondered if this injury was causing numbness in her leg. In the years since that injury, Kayla has come to realize that This The hamstring injury likely occurred during the sexual assault by the cycling coach: her muscles were extremely tense during the assault, and this tension caused significant stress on the attachment between her femurs and pelvis.
The chiropractor she sought care from told Kayla that some of her symptoms may be coming from her pelvic floor. Curious, Kayla went home and decided to investigate: when she put a finger in her vagina, she felt all the internal muscles on the left side actively contract.
At the recommendation of her chiropractor, Kayla began seeing a pelvic physical therapist. She and her PT uncovered a wide variety of physical concerns to address, some of which Kayla had not previously recognized.
Kayla’s pelvic floor muscle spasms actually contributed to the numbness and pain in her left leg. They also caused a lot of tension around her anus – so much so that even light pressure around the opening of the anus felt extremely intense to her.
Because Kayla’s pelvic floor muscles were constantly tense and contracting, they couldn’t do their job properly. She experienced involuntary leakage of urine (urinary incontinence) and periodic inability to control her bowel movements (faecal incontinence). Her urethra (the tube through which urine exits the body) had descended from its normal position, almost to the point where it was outside her body.
Kayla spent over a year attending regular pelvic PT sessions. She has also received extensive mental health care and participated in various support groups for survivors of sexual trauma. In her late twenties, she joined Heather’s survivor program, Sacred Cycle, where she engaged in counseling, art therapy, Rolfingand various outdoor therapies such as guided mountain biking and hippotherapy.
Kayla has invested a lot of time, energy and effort into her recovery. Shows. She told me she feels better today than when she first sought care…but that doesn’t mean it was easy. Kayla spent more than 8 years and at least $10,000 seeking care for the physical effects of her traumatic experiences. had pain and other physical symptoms for at least 4 years before starting treatment; She saw more health professionals than she could count and learned to advocate for herself to get the care she needed.
Life in recovery
Even now, years later, not every day is sunshine and rainbows. Kayla still experiences physical sensations and symptoms associated with the trauma she survived. He still occasionally struggles with urinary and fecal incontinence. She has distinct patterns of muscle tension that flare up when she’s under pressure: she’ll feel tightness in the muscles in her neck, shoulders, and between her shoulder blades.
Kayla’s old pattern of pain and numbness in her pelvic floor and left leg can also occur when she is stressed: this is especially true when she has to be around her childhood victim at family gatherings. Tightening her pelvic floor can affect Kayla’s breathing: her breathing muscle (diaphragm) and abdominals often cramp in response to pelvic tightening.
Sometimes, Kayla feels pain during sex. Her partners were cisgender men, and penile contact can be painful at times, even with a partner she loves and trusts. When this happens, any attempt at intercourse can “feel like fire” or “like a dull jagged knife,” so she and her partner will stop the encounter.
Kayla told me that today, it almost feels like her “shock system” (ie, the sympathetic nervous system within the CNS) has completely worn out. Sometimes she’ll feel reduced sensation or total numbness in her limbs and other parts of her body, as if the nerves in that area have just stopped working for the day.
In light of these symptoms, I asked Kayla how she handled her subsequent sexual relationships and how she approached talking to her partners about her trauma history.
How Kayla talks to her partners
In the early period after her traumatic experiences, Kayla coped by drinking heavily before sexual encounters. this is a common coping strategy among survivors of sexual trauma. As she began her recovery journey, Kayla made the conscious decision not to engage in sex if she or her potential partner had been drinking at all. She has relaxed her stance on this in recent years and will now allow a drink or two, but still avoids sex altogether if either party is drunk.
Kayla is also very cautious about discussing her trauma history with her sexual partners: she usually shares on first encounters. Sometimes Kayla gives a hint to let the other person wait for the conversation later: she’ll tell her partner that she’d like to take time later to share some important information about her past.
When she sits down to talk with her partner, Kayla tells them, “If you want to be with me, you need to know this.” She will explain the physical effects she experiences as a result of sexual trauma. Often, he explains the pelvic floor muscles and how problems in those muscles can cause problems with sex, pain processing, and more. Sometimes, she will even ask her partner to touch the left side of her pelvic muscles so she can feel the tension and spasms still happening there.
If Kayla feels uncomfortable with the person’s response to her story—or anything about the situation she’s in—she’ll remove herself from the situation. She believes she advocates for herself with her sexual partners the same way she did with her doctors when she was first seeking care (more on that below).
Playing the long game
When I asked Kayla if she had any advice for other survivors experiencing the physical effects of sexual trauma, she had several helpful suggestions:
- Be your own best advocate for your care.
- Kayla learned the hard way that not all health services are the same. At times, she had to change providers because the first clinician didn’t have the training or knowledge to give her the care she needed. She’s also learned to vet her providers: if a doctor or other professional seems reluctant to discuss sensitive topics like pelvic floor problems, Kayla doesn’t hold back — she steps forward to find someone who will listen and respond to her concerns.
- Break the recovery process into chunks – you don’t have to tackle everything at once.
- When recovering from sexual trauma, there can be a lot to deal with: mental health, physical effects, emotional recovery, and more. Kayla found it helpful to focus on one or two areas at a time, even if it meant taking a break from another type of treatment. This has made it easier for her to manage the burden of recovery on her time, energy and finances.
- Recovery takes time – be patient with yourself and the process.
- Again, each person’s journey to recovery from sexual trauma looks different. For Kayla, it took many years and a good chunk of money to get to where she is today, and she’s still working through some elements of the recovery process. Other survivors may find that they get better faster or slower—both situations are equally valid.
- Keep in mind that what worked for Kayla may or may not work well for you. There is no script for trauma recovery, so take what you liked from her story and leave the rest.
*Kayla’s name has been changed to protect her privacy.
