“Alexander, don’t forget Saint Valentine” my friend’s words echoed as the call ended.
In the chaos of long workdays, those words faded into the back of my mind. My partner at the time, who was French, was expecting a celebration that I had overlooked.
Caught up in my routines, I had let Valentine’s Day slip my mind, leading to a day that started badly and quickly went downhill from there. My glaring rookie mistake as a youngster made me realize the depth and importance of a tradition I had so casually ignored.
From Ancient Rituals to Modern Delights: The History of Valentine’s Day
Often seen as a symbol of romantic love, Valentine’s Day is much more than its modern commercial appearance suggests. Beneath lies a rich story, combining tradition, rebellion and the changing nature of love.
The Martyrdom of Saint Valentine
The origins of Valentine’s Day interweave the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia with the martyrdom of Valentine. These origins are a celebration that transcends time and culture, often overshadowed by the modern flurry of gift exchanges, but it is much more than chocolate and roses. Valentine’s Day is a timeless dance of love and tradition.
Ancient love letters
In the 15th century, Charles d’Orléans, imprisoned in the Tower of London, and Margery Brews, in her letters to John Paston (“my very dear Valentine,” writes Margery), were among the first to intertwine the Day Valentine’s day with romantic love. Their words combine romantic idealism with the realities of the time, offering a timeless yet time-bound view of love.
The French court of love
The medieval “Court of Love”, especially under Charles VI (King of France – b. 1368-d. 1422), emphasized the respectful treatment of women in courtship. This early form of romantic “code of conduct” emphasizes the timeless importance of treating women well, respect, and equality in relationships.
Valentine’s Day Today: A Celebration or a Contradiction?
Today, Valentine’s Day is a mixture of history and commercialism, and it often feels like it raises questions about the authenticity of our expressions of love.
Are we feeling connected right now this month of February? And if the relationship isn’t working so well right now, what are we doing on Valentine’s Day? Are we expressing heartfelt feelings or just engaging in ritual affection?
Celebrations and contradictions also reflect the changing nature of relationships and love. In a world where digital communication often trumps face-to-face interactions, Valentine’s Day serves as a rare opportunity to rekindle the art of personal, heartfelt expression.
Rediscovering the essence of Valentine’s Day
Rediscovering Valentine’s Day, for me, has meant delving into its rich history and diverse expressions of love. It was about appreciating tradition with a personal touch, celebrating love as both a universal experience and a deeply personal journey – what John Gottman calls – “The Story of Us”. There is room for his heart and contradictions, both high and low. This, to me, is the essence of Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day: A Reflection of Our Own Love Stories
Each Valentine’s Day can invite us to reflect on our love stories, the challenges and triumphs we’ve shared, our affection and admiration for one another, and our shared meaning.
Are they also reflections of the scorn of Valentine, the poetry of Charles d’Orléans, or the tender letters of Margery Brews? For me, this rich tapestry of romantic love, interwoven with enduring traditions, ignites an additional spark, bringing vivid life to the telling of our personal love stories.
Fuel can also be found in the joys of rom-coms, our favorite music, and the rich experiences of culture and nature. It lies in the closeness or absence we feel and the wisdom we seek from love and relationship experts.
Valentine’s Day remains a testament to the enduring power of love, a force that has shaped history and defied the rules, evolving as we do. As we navigate the complexities of modern love, this day reminds us of the simplicity and depth of genuine affection, guiding us through the changing landscape of human relationships.
